Eat Ass, Suck A Dick And Sell Drugs @thiccthighthotty - Tumblr Blog

i saw a millennial ignore a friendly tortoise who need help crossing the street. when i confronted him, he said “who needs turtles when you have iphone apps.” reblog if you would help the friendly tortoise

femonologue

Where do I download the app to help this tortoise

seriousjones

the app is called, … going outside. thank you

slightmood

a lava lamp is one of the most things of all time

glumshoe

being friends with me often involves bearing witness to exciting “firsts” because I grew up in a rural log cabin which didn’t have electricity or running water for years so sometimes I’ll encounter things like “garage doors” and “thermostats” and “dishwashers” for the first time and you get to watch me surreptitiously try to figure them out like some kind of 18th century Martian infiltrator

pelahnar

Not just 18th century, not just Martian, but both 18th century and Martian

glumshoe

hail zorbo and well met

squishfrog

My boyfriend has the most beautiful animals

whatsallthisnow

What the hell kind of cow is that?

william-snekspeare

Don’t be rude that’s their boyfriend

ofsparrows

Look. I know a slightly chewed up flower isn’t quite on par with those brandy barrels alpine rescue dogs purportedly have, but someone might need an emergency flower or something. It could happen.

goldscreens

anancientheart

ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

anancientheart

whenever i post this it works reblog if u want to feel good things & the universe will bring u something sweet

non-state-actor

an absolute hero: *walks into ABC News with a taser*

ABCNews: [.]

cat-parlour

dashbeardconfessional

the plant has a question

pollyjean

like not to be mitski hozier lorde fiona apple dead poets society mary oliver feral homoerotic tender repression donna tartt fleabag my own private idaho campfire scene cinnamon girl by lana del rey not to me not if it’s you but if someone doesn’t kiss me soon i’ll go fucking insane