hi I remember you were talking about your own book, is it still in progress, can I buy and read it somewhere? I would really love to read more of your stuff I adore your writing
i feel like this is ruth but I'm gonna answer anyway — yeaaaaah I'm on draft 3 of my book, which is crazy bc if you ever read it you're gonna be like bitch this did NOT take you 3+ drafts 💀 I'm a slow editor but I'm mostly happy with how it's turning out. if you ever wanna read it chances are it'll be up for free online lmao
I'm thinking it'll be done by the end of the year, so maybe 2026 will be my year? THE year? in the meantime I am working on other interesting things (interesting TO ME obviously)
When I read the whole hand in unlovable hand, felt a lot of hatred towards Laurent, for the first time, I wished the worst would happen to him, like, Damen was humiliated in the entire fucking fanfic and Laurent is an untouchable victim who never makes mistakes, I felt like shooting everyone in the face with a shotgun... but Laurent.... my god, I've never felt such a genuine and corrosive hatred for a character like this, if he just dies in the middle of the story I I would laugh, he and Nicaise ate my wits, if in this fanfic Laurent is on one side I'll be on the other, fuck this narcissistic little shit with victim syndrome who is never wrong in an argument, he can't take five minutes of his own poison, the author sinned by making Damen have sex with another man in front of these two bloodsuckers, but as she hates Damen that's what we have. If she hates Damen I hate Laurent in the same proportion. Fuck everyone in this shit, except Damen and Erasmus. If there's an idiot in this fanfic I guarantee you it's Laurent. If he came out with that "Do you want to try again" shit after everything he did to Damen, I'd be surprised he didn't get punched in the face to stop being such an idiot. Fucking dumb blonde idiot.
If Damen said an "A" with a slightly different sound, all the characters would appear to call him a prejudiced and stupid asshole. Holy shit, what agony!!
This is the most distorted version I've ever seen
I wanted Nicaise to abandon Laurent and go as far away as possible and Damianos could be free from all those parasites, especially that little shit Kastor
a genuine question for the author...... are you a psychopath?
most people on earth look forward to and enjoy the hell out of their birthdays. for a few years now, i haven't been part of that group. when i close my eyes and think about birthdays, i always picture someone else blowing out the candles, or eating overly frosted cake, or getting well-thought-out presents. it's "other people stuff", the same way i thought about kissing with tongue when i was twelve or the way i now think about having kids. it's stuff other people get to do.
last friday, however, i got a collaborative gift from many people in this fandom. some of them i've spoken to and chatted with a hundred times over the years since i joined this online space, but others were complete strangers! people whose usernames i recognize from ao3 comments or twitter screenshots or fanart—they took the time to write me messages and participate in this beautiful gift out of the kindness of their hearts.
though i sometimes lurk and watch from afar, i am not active on here anymore, but i felt the need to address any of those people that might be reading this: thank you. not just for this gift, but for taking the time to read my stories. writing is such a lonely craft. it takes so, so long to complete a single project. and yet things like this (people like this) are a reminder of why we all do it.
i have read every single message. i wish i could give you a 1:1 reply, or that there was a way in which i could repay that kindness, but i don't think there's much i can do or say other than thank you again and again and again.
it hasn't been a year since i finished posting my last fic, but these months have been incredibly lonely for me. as i said, writing often is. to think there is someone out there—anyone, really—that to this day sometimes, even in quick passing, thinks about anything i have ever written . . . that is the greatest gift. i look back at 2020 and remember all of its awfulness, its insanity, its loss. but i also remember how much it gave me back, all the friends i made, and the way it dusted off not only writing itself, but other hopes, too.
all of this to say: thank you. i hope I can repay you soon with new stories to read.
and a special thank you to lilium, who was the one that made it happen! a friend, through and through, always.
hiuh this hiuh that FUCK HIUH!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID U PUT IN SOMETHING WICKED MACA JESSUSHS
THAT'S MY FAV FIC I'VE EVER WRITTEN OTHER THAN FOR WANT OF A NAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was a multi chaptered fic!!! it was originally called "the hazards of solitude" but I quit at around 80k lol and then when I told maya (@laurent-ofvere) about it she really liked it so I rewrote it as a one shot for her bday. but yes!!! I LOVE THAT FIC I wish someone would fucking write it for real as a 100k story!!!!!!!!!!
Since the fic is in Damen’s POV we see him & Ancel’s relationship a lot. It got me curious towards Ancel & Laurent’s relationship & their dynamic. Are they bitchy bff type towards each other, or are they supportive, or are they more like siblings. I was wondering if you can share more insight into their relationship. Especially since of course they are very close but because Ancel is always texting Damen, and now they’re best friends. I wonder where that puts Laurent. And how did Laurent react to when Ancel started befriending Damen especially since they became friends only after the breakup. Do Laurent feel any jealousy at all or is it just amusing to him?
hello!! i got this q a few times, so:
ancel and Laurent are def supportive. like, Laurent isn't condescending or mean to angel in the way people might assume. he really, really respects ancel bc he knows what it took for him to get where he is, and how kind ancel with people he loves, and how smart he actually is (he's smart about things he cares about). I like the idea of a kind friendship between them, less bitchy than what fandom often makes it out to be.
ancel befriends Damen because both Aimeric and Laurent have sort of dropped him. Aimeric is going through a lot mentally (eventually he gets sent away) and Laurent has aaaaall of nicaise's issues to deal with plus his own mental health and grief over damen. so, because of this, and because he understands that ancel wouldn't hang out with Damen unless he saw something in it, he's okay with it. plus, it's kinda like his fantasy all along: Damen and his friends finally getting along.
I don't know how to thank you. This feels like the end of an era. I can't believe it's been 4yrs since you started posting hiuh and I was instantly hooked. It literally got me through the pandemic. I learned so much from the story and felt I had Neo as a therapist(the best in the world). You must be flooded with asks now but I am really curious how the story formed in your head. It's hard to believe how consistent the story is as you posted chapter by chapter. Did you outline the whole story when you started? did you stick to all the original ideas? if you changed your mind what were they? It really is a master piece - much much better than many published books I read and I hope you will publish someday, if that's what you want.
I'd also offer you my first born to have an epilogue. hopefully lamen with their child(ren) playing on the beach and Nicaise being the doting big brother. they all grew so much and deserve all the happiness. oh and Kastor and Jo and Galen for big family gathering. I'm so proud of all of them.
thank you thank you thank you for all your patience and genius and mostly, generosity.
hello!!!! i'm so happy that my story resonated with you and got you through some tough times. it did the same for me!
It's hard to believe how consistent the story is as you posted chapter by chapter.
thank you!! it will never be as good as it was in my head or as good as I know I could have made it if I had spent more time on it, but for me the most important thing is that it is completed and at least 70% of what I wanted it to be. a win is a win!!!
Did you outline the whole story when you started? did you stick to all the original ideas? if you changed your mind what were they?
i got the idea for a modern au break up fic in 2020 while I was writing and posting wtsioa. i started the story as a 20k one shot and then realized 5k into it or less that it was not going to fit into that word count. the reason was very simple: i did not want a break up fic centered around "miscommunication" in a naive, fluffy way. i did not want to write a fic where the main issue was that one loved the other too much or that they thought the other was cheating when it wasn't true, etc. i wanted to write a break up that felt honest to me, and this meant giving them both issues that felt real, that i saw in myself and in the people around me irl. which meant that it would take them both considerably more than 5k to get over them (if they ever did).
i outlined the fic very roughly. my first drafts . . . they are not it, girl. like, anyone that has read wtsioa knows that. I'm a much better editor than I am a writer, so for hiuh i outlined the main beats (nicaise calls damen after months, damen goes to therapy, nicaise is out of control and some incidents happen, laurent is dating maxime, they get back together). then, i wrote the entire thing in . . . a year? maybe less? then, i made a mistake and got cocky: i edited the first three chapters and started posting on ao3. that's why the fic took so long to post. i had to edit each chapter a lot after the first three were released.
i edited out too many things to count. things you wouldn't believe if I told you now because they make no sense when looking at the finished version. idalia was a pretty big character, and so was jokaste. in the og outline, I debated between claude/heavy drugs for nicaise. i almost named dog NIKANDROS!!!! damen actually punched aktis at the party when he talks shit about laurent . . . which led to him also punching nik. laurent slapping nicaise once. aimeric and damen baking together. then, there were things I wanted to write but couldn't because they didn't feel very real to me, despite being the best self indulgent daydream scenarios ever: damen hunting claude down (yeah, ruth wanted this to happen), dog getting sick, aimeric's EVERYTHING lol, nik and nicaise talking, etc.
thank you for sending this ask and reading the story through all the ups and downs and... lack of updates on my end!!! it has been the best experience ever, knowing that someone out there is reading and cares about what I made. thank you!!!!!!!!
hi maca!! can’t believe hiuh finally ended, thank you for all your hard work! i was wondering if you could say more about what were the “wrong aspects” that laurent liked about maxime? also very curious in general about what paschal thought about laurent being with maxime or getting back together with damen. thanks!!
hi there!!! so, i didn't write maxime as a villain or anything in this fic so I don't want anyone reading this to think that he's Mr. Evil or a literal step-in for Laurent's uncle.
having said that, I love the idea of maxime toeing the line, you know? like he's not abusive but he's not attentive either. he's Into the Patriarchy (TM) in a different way than Damen, so not only does he not think to ask what laurent likes in bed or what his limits are, but he also has a rougher approach to sex (think typical porn video titles, "likes it rough" vibes, maaaaybe refuses to wear a condom like nicaise implied throughout the fic and laurent never denied).
so the "wrong" aspects laurent might have liked about maxime have to do with not having to really think around him (not bc l's being vulnerable, but bc he just disconnects and dissociates from the entire situation.) see: they go out for dinner, he doesn't even have to pick a place bc maxime will do it, doesn't have to pick a dish bc maxime will do it, doesn't have to think about sex positions bc maxime will just jostle them both into what he likes, etc. aaaand last but not least, laurent likes that it hurts. it's a form of self punishment, too. "you THOUGHT you could have nice things? you thought sex with people who aren't damen was going to be good? ha" and, later on, when he starts realizing damen is changing and getting better every day and growing, it turns into "this is your reminder that you fucked up".
: ) hope this was interesting to read!!!! thank you sm for the question!!!!
I know it was a deliberate choice to end HIUH where it ends but I am SO curious about how Nicaise will react to his 2 dads being back together? Also how he might take the 2 of them potentially having another child in the future? I could see Nicaise feeling *a WAY* about feeling "replaced" by a new bebe that doesnt have the same baggage he has, but I feel like the fic makes a point to show that none of it will be perfect but they’re all in a supported place to compromise. THANK U FOR EVERYTHING.
hi there!!!
i have sooooo many headcanons for nicaise post hiuh!!! i think this ask kinda relates to the other one I got a few days ago about what would have happened if damen had been dating a cute, funny, nice guy instead of casually sleeping with kyra. both laurent and nicaise are very similar in this and so . . . nicaise would have THE hardest time coming to terms with lamen having another kid/baby.
he'd be jealous because duh, being an only child is not the same as having siblings. but also, like you said, that kid or baby will probably not have the same trauma background nicaise has. not only THAT but that kid would be younger than nicaise, which... i mean, it's implied in the fic when they talk about galen and the fishing trip, but nicaise is aware of his own growth and age in ways other teenagers aren't, so that would also be a huge source of pain for him—knowing that he's older and an adult and he's being displaced by a younger and better "model".
. . . do u think he'd be a good big bro i wanna know
edit: check out this fic by steele (features nicaise as an older brother to a cute baby)
i love the final chapter!! thank you for all of your hard work. i was wondering, it seemed like neo suggested damen talk to hypermenestra to learn more about his mother, but then that never happened. was that part cut out in edits, or are we meant to infer that at some point when he's ready, damen will reach out to her?
hello!! in the og draft, he doesn't talk to hyp but he does have a conversation about it with kastor. in the end, I decided readers could infer that damen will eventually reach out to her, so i cut that scene out. soooooo many scenes didn't make the cut, many of them featuring female characters like idalia, hyp, and jokaste <3 but i hope the end result was still enjoyable!
i hope u know a tweet about HiUH is doing numbers on twitter… a slew of ridiculous fucking takes may be imminent…
hi there!!! i don't have a tw account so everything i learn about it comes from people sending me links on here.
that's okay!! i appreciate everyone that has read the fic or wants to read it, and I understand not everyone likes it or thinks it's interesting/well executed. i don't blame anyone for that and I hope they find a fic that speaks to them bc this fandom sure has a lot of talent!!!
can u elaborate on why Laurent buying a house in Akielos made Damen so happy?
hello!!! yes, I can.
there's a quote somewhere in the fic (for some reason I can't find it but I swear it's there) where Damen mentions that when they were house hunting or talking about houses, Laurent was very quick to shut down the idea that they could live in akielos. he was like "my life is in vere and I barely even speak akielon."
the idea behind Laurent looking for holiday houses in akielos is that he's willing to compromise (akielos), he knows that going there means something to Damen (he can tell that Damen is trying to get in touch with his roots), he says "you're not the only one who can buy (US) a house" which is a reference to damen paying for everything at the start of the relationship as well as buying the house with his money (patriarchal macho provider stereotype).
i hope this cleared things up!! the house was a very important part of the story and the holiday house symbolizes (embodies rather) the future. what they can build together.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE HARD WOKR YOUVE BEEN POURING INTO THE FINAL CHAPTER!!!! I HAVE A BURNING QUESTION THATS BEEn on my mind. I so love the parallels that you drew in between the blondes that damen was seeing and Laurent. Or maybe damen just couldn’t help but compare everyone to Laurent. But I can’t help but wonder how would Laurent have reacted if damen started seeing a guy that was like a sunshine golden retriever boyfriend. Someone that Laurent would see as completely antithetical to himself, unburdened by trauma, and not “unloveable” like he was.
HELLO
damn dude what a good question. honestly, it makes me wish I had written that lol. i think if damen started dating a bubbly, nice, cute blond guy laurent would go absolutely feral. I'm talking about insane here. medicated to the brim. next level Crazy (TM).
it'd be worse if damen was (or at least acted) semi-serious about the whole thing? if they did couple things together or made serious plans for the future . . . if ancel met the guy or saw them together and then came back to laurent with the gossip that damen is in love and happy . . . if he somehow got nicaise to like him (impossible but let's pretend) . . .
laurent would destroy that man. he'd straight up stalk him on social media 24/7 and try to find the equivalent of a 2011 tweet that could get him canceled. and then he'd see damen with the guy and pretend he can't remember his name lmaoooo
I'm in love with HIUH!! Your brain is amazing for coming up with this!
When you edit your drafts, do you keep what you cut out? Because I would happily read 100k+ words of whatever you come up with :)
hello!!
sometimes i do keep things that i cut out because I know I'll need them for future chapters or future projects, but most of the time I delete them forever. i know it doesn't look like it because the fic is massive but I have trimmed it so much over the years you wouldn't believe what the og draft looked like. trust me, you wouldn't love those 100k words of scraps!!
Hey! Silly, fun, question. Your HIUH Laurent/Damen, Ccainao3’s Concordia’s Laurent/Damen, and Pacat’s Laurent/Damen all meet in a universe smushing event.
Who of the six do you think get along the best, the least, who asks to have a multi-verse orgy, and do you think the Lamen versions would be competitive about who figures out how to get out of this silly little simulation (and secretly who’s the strongest lamen) or would they be fascinated by their alternative versions?
hello!!!!!! the way it's taken me ten years to reply is so embarrassing . . .
all damens get along great lol
canon laurent and concordia laurent hate each other i don't make the rules
canon damen asks for the orgy
canon lamen are def like "we're going to solve this" while the other two lamen are just . . . there. honestly hiuh lamen would be like "FINALLY a paid vacation"
i love this question and i'm gonna ask ruth what she thinks and if she doesn't agree with everything I've said here I'm killing her
Maca, your writing has enriched my life so much. In my thoughts I revisit HIUH just as much as CaPri, perhaps even more. I read ~70 books in 2023 and the only reason I didn't name HIUH my book of the year (and I usually wouldn't even include fanfiction) is that it wasn't finished at that point. While I am overwhelmed with joy at the thought of seeing this opus concluded soon, I am already filled with melancholy at the thought of "losing" your voice. So..... Will you tell us about the book you'll be working on? Drop us some key words? Maybe even post a snippet? Must we truly cope without your writing? ._.
😭this is the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the book will def have some capri vibes because pacat (capri) has greatly influenced me as a writer. and yeah, yeah, we all know tropes and tags can be extremely reductive and a symptom of extreme consumerism but girl . . . think enemies to lovers, dark fantasy (don't think fucking dragons and elves bc NO), disability (i'm so fucking excited about this bit!!!!!!! chronic pain people rise up!!!! endometriosis girlies!!!! mobility impairment pals or whatever the fuck that's called in English!!!!), slow fucking burn, political intrigue (listen i'm not that smart so it's more like "politics are mentioned" lol), oh and RELIGION, a lot of religion(s)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and fucked upness!!!!!!!!!!!! you know me, can't have enough of that.
if i ever decide to publish it (probably not lol) maybe you'll see it on the self pub section on kindle unlimited and go 'wait a damn minute, is this--'
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