thienna

[thienna]

Ian Yi’s new MV

Not Killer and Healer related but Ian finally got his first solo MV. And it’s a pretty good one imo. This is a project for his birthday. :)

New song is called  小人物. You can watch here: http://t.cn/A6MdK7gT

There’s also a BTS clip: http://t.cn/A6MeN2mC

Happy for you, Ian! 

[moonlightpavilion]

S1 Audio Drama Master List Ep1: https://youtu.be/BLa7AGrajZY Ep2: https://youtu.be/8A6sz51gAJw Ep3: https://youtu.be/rkjWV3q8pYM Ep4: https://youtu.be/ejqLwB2MaRE

[hyperbolicgrinch]

《恨君不似江楼月》  |  第二十一集

Keep reading

[thienna]

A fan dug this up from the promo materials. Looks like it could have been a good scene. The atmosphere certainly makes me go ;_;

Source:  [https://yixinyiyiyiqizou689.lofter.com/post/1fa28a3f_1cc56c199]

[viriyanon]

lest we die unbloomed.

based on @mishathewtf prompt [x]

someone said, when God wants to bring an angel home, He will let it snow in the sky.

the day chen yuzhi's core went still, like an exhausted ancient star losing its fuel and its stellar core became dense and settled, snow fell from jing city's sky.

yuelou's heart missed a few beats when he saw red staining yuzhi's white vest and ash brown coat, blood oozing from the hole on his chest from a metal projectile that punctured his lungs, and flowing from the corner of his lips. but just like the snowflakes timidly gravitated towards the earth and got swayed in all directions when a gust of wind blew, yuzhi was unresponsive.

it's impossible. chen yuzhi was too warm for a person that easily caught a cold. the passion and his unfailing love for humanity that burned in his heart exuded through his skin like a flare of a gas lamp. it's impossible for him not to radiate such comforting warmth when a house with a big fireplace couldn't even provide. chen yuzhi, he was a house that would not turn cold, sheltering yuelou from his own weather, no matter how harsh it could be.

but the day chen yuzhi's core went still, letting the last of his warmth loosely seep into the concrete until there's no more of it, snow fell from jing city's sky. overlapping the red umbrella that shaded the tang yuan cart, the old pinewood table from the wonton kiosk, scattering on chen yuzhi's blue lips, and putting weight on jiang yuelou's black void.

they washed the city white as if they're writing off the sin of opium that clouded over children's houses, choking fathers with its faux bliss and pushing bruised and beaten mothers into a deep river. the intellectual artillery that stained the alleys with the blood of men and women and ripped apart a 13 year old boy's innocence in this long war. they painted the city white like a fresh page of a notebook, that had the ink from its previous sheet bled through but not strong enough to mark the other side. jing city was ready to start anew.

chen yuzhi, said yuelou as he lay next to the cold body facing the sky, didn't dare to see yuzhi's skin that turned paler the longer they lay there under the mild snowfall, didn't dare to hold his lifeless hand since he knew the doctor wouldn't squeeze it back. because while it's freezing, it would burn yuelou's hand and leave a scorching reminiscence of yuzhi's still body on his palm.

even with your death, you give us miracles that you couldn't give when you're alive.

hot tears stream from the corner of yuelou's eyes down to his temple, as his body numbed from the smothered cry and the big hole of despair. yuelou had never felt an ache so excruciating and deep in his chest that he'd choose to have a bullet lodged in him than suffer a psychosomatic pain that a handful of antipyretic could never ease.

to be able to hold yuzhi's hand was the only thing he wanted amidst this lone fight; just to relearn the softness that had fearlessly touched his rough edge. to retrace every curve and slope of his fingers and knuckles. to recreate a semblance of safety that once was solid in chen yuzhi's hand on his face for the last time.

but he's afraid he couldn't shake that freezing sheen of death off his hand if he touched him, even after days, weeks, years. yuelou's scared that if he woke up breaking in sweat and his hand was still cold, he'd get reeled into a frenzy just to peel that feeling away. he's afraid of the consequence because yuzhi wouldn't be there to bring him back from his trance and hold him in his arms before he could load his gun. there was no place as safe as chen yuzhi for a mad man like yuelou in this city, in this life.

there were repeated begs of apology pooling in his throat, unable to be spoken or heard, and more tears of regrets brimming in his eyes. all these, for not keeping chen yuzhi warm on the coldest day in his entire life as he withered away. for always giving chen yuzhi a metallic taste in his mouth and not the taste of a reciprocated love, even until his last breath. for the 'stay with me' that remained as a monologue and never got the chance to meet yuzhi's starry eyes and red dust on his cheeks.

the man turned his head to see yuzhi's serene face, submitting into the deepest slumber of the great divide. the doctor looked the most peaceful than any other day since their fateful meeting in the old warehouse. there's no frown, no creases and wrinkles between his eyebrows, no distress tears gliding down his cheeks. he's even more tranquil than a child sleeping, with the coarse concrete as his bed and flakes of snow as his blanket and the man who he always selflessly protected from another suffering lying next to him.

jiang yuelou faintly smiled with the last strength he could gather, silently thanking the higher-ups for granting chen yuzhi a restful sleep, before a troop of black-uniformed men led by jin dacheng swarmed him and chen yuzhi's lifeless body.

good night, love. yuelou watched through a little gap between jin dacheng's legs, his men covering chen yuzhi with a piece of clean white fabric and lifted him up from the freezing street.

sweet dreams.

the commissioner let out a relieved sigh before allowing lethargy to take him over, surrendering to the oblivion at last.

"gege! how did you find this place??? this is so beautiful!"

yuelou lets go of keying's hand with a smile, sensing the little girl's excitement over an extensive coastal grassland just 15 minutes from yuzhi's grave. today marks the second year after the doctor's death, so yuelou takes a vacation day to pay him a visit along with keying.

he must miss his baby girl, thought yuelou as he braided keying's hair this morning. braiding has become his second expertise ever since the court granted him keying's custody and the girl moved in to jiang's residence without changing her surname. now that keying enters school already, yuelou's morning routine tallies from preparing breakfast to preparing her outfits, braiding her hair, and taking her to school before he starts his day as a commissioner. a healthy, sound, and merciful commissioner of jing city.

chen yuzhi you're a cruel man. im a busy commissioner now but you're not here to share the house responsibility with me. your little sister is a curious little kitten you know, i can't keep up with her questions and xiao bai's annoying lazy ass, said yuelou jokingly to the breeze, wishing the wind would take it to yuzhi.

once he returns to reality, his eyes catch chen keying crouch near a cluster of tiny asters, the true inhabitant of this biome, staring at them attentively. yuelou strides towards her with her tiny backpack filled with a bag of baozis and her water bottle slinging on his shoulder. the little kid is surely energetic, different from her brother and his athleticism issue.

"what are you looking at, keying?" jiang yuelou asks as he goes down on one knee across her. keying looks at him with her big doe eyes, the same doe eyes that remind him of chen yuzhi's glistening ones whenever he surprises him with lunch in the clinic. she pouts involuntarily when she averts her eyes to the aster again, taking a few seconds of silence before saying,

"gege, how do you find this place?"

yuelou smiles again and plops down onto the ground, crossing his legs and gestures keying to sit on his lap. the girl comprehends it as an invitation to her favorite storytelling session and complies, moving to yuelou's lap and rests her head on his chest.

"well, one day, gege was hurt by some bad people near the jing river and gege decided to jump into it. to save both gege and yuzhi gege's lives. gege tried to swam but at the end, gege lost consciousness and was drifted to the village behind us."

keying pivoted to have a better view of the fishing villages on their right and nods. so, yuelou continues with the story.

"when gege woke up, gege learned that gege was saved by an old couple whose son was dead in a war. gege happened to look a lot like their late son. gege was taken care there until my wound was healed and gege fully recovered.

one day, the husband took gege here to watch the sunset. he said, he confessed to his wife right here, before the sunset. they also wished for their first child here, before the sunset. and they walked here too to weep after burying their son."

"here???" keying asks. if it's not yuelou she's asking to, nobody would understand which statement she is refering to.

"no, baby. they buried their son somewhere else that gege doesn't know. they just come here whenever they need a breather from the painful memory."

"what is a breather?"

"mmm, let's just say they need a fresh air. a break from a tiring or emotional situation."

keying lets out an oohh and nods while playing with the dry grass she just playfully plucked. "then, do you need a breather too, gege?"

jiang yuelou was immediately struck by the chaste question. chen keying might not understand the weight of her simple question but the man feels like he's being peeled off from his skin. the bitter taste he works on so hardly to ignore starts to reappear on his tastebud.

"gege is fine, keying," answers yuelou which earns him an obedient nod again from the little girl.

"gege. one last question." yuelou hums in approval, brushing several strands of hair from keying's face and tuck them behind her ears.

"why the best people die?" yuelou freezes, his hand hanging in the air. he didn't see this coming, at least not from the mouth of his own little sister. chen keying can be very smart and observant, she can ask a world turning question but... no. not about a transcendental question that not even the priest can answer. "the old couple's son must fight bad people in the war, right? keeping us safe from bad people. he died."

"yuzhi gege saved a lot of people's lives. but he also died."

yuelou shuts his eyes, trying hard to swallow the lump of emotions in his throat. to be truthful, any conversation related to chen yuzhi is a sacred issue that yuelou isn't ready to face yet. to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel being doused, which forced him to live in the darkness again is not the story he wants to reread over and over.

it's tiring to wake up drenched in sweat to the same dream, the same snowfall, the same bloodied chen yuzhi, the same suffocation and harrowing chest pain. the remnants of yuzhi's cold body on his skin never ever leaves for one day and yuelou is determined to live with that. because yuelou understands the concept of death very well after sun yongren, song rong, his mother, bai jinbo, chu min, chu ran, yu tangchun, hell even zhan junbai.

but chen keying doesn't. and his little sister means no harm from asking that. she doesn't know jiang yuelou suffers every night from the same dream. she doesn't know his incurable mental illness that only chen yuzhi had figured out the way. even if he didn't find the medical procedure of it, his presence alone would heal. now, yuelou is responsible to teach keying about death, a concept that is too heavy for a 13 year old girl even when she has yuelou by her side to parallel her knowledge gap with life's rote teaching.

"keying, look around and tell me, among these plants here which one will you pick and bring back home?"

"oh? of course, this flower!" keying bends forward to pluck one from its stem and twirls it with her fingers.

"and why?" yuelou's voice begins to waver no matter how hard he tries to smile.

"because to me, it's the most beautiful one, gege. not that i don't like the other flowers there or not that this bed of grass isn't pretty. i just like this purple friend more."

a single tear escapes his eyes, down to his cheeks and jaw. and it falls on keying's favorite pink dress. yuelou intuitively holds keying closer, attaching his cheek to the girl's temple as they sway. the little girl is as warm as chen yuzhi and yuelou doesn't think he could survive the weather without keying in his embrace.

"keying, do you know? when God wants to bring an angel home, he'd let it snow in the sky."

"yuzhi gege is an angel," yuelou chokes. "so beautiful that God chose him to be brought home."

the sun slowly sinks in the distance, painting napalm sky above the blue sea. the breeze has changed direction and gets stronger the lower the sun sinks. the lighthouse on their east blinks, marking the end of every sailor's journey.

"yuelou ge.... i miss yuzhi gege."

in the middle of the grassland, a sick and broken father sits down embracing his little girl in his arms as they watch the sun sets on the horizon. he weeps for his child, for his sins have marked his daughter with the same sufferings. but you who have suffered, find where love hides. give, share, lose—lest we die unbloomed.

[thienna]

Not sure if this is of interest to anyone but one thing I usually see in KH Chinese fics is that Yuelou would find every excuse to break down the wall separating his and Yuzhi’s house so that their will just become one big house. I was scratching my head at the time because how does it even work??? Turned out in the original script, this was the layout that the scriptwriter intended but they couldn’t find a suitable location for it.

I think the novel and audio drama also follow this layout.

The red line you see is the part of the wall separating the two courtyards that broke down because of a particularly heavy rain in the original script of Ep.8 (from what I’ve read of this script, the relationship between Yuzhi and Yuelou at this point feels like it’s at an earlier point compared to the drama, Yu Zhi Tang has not yet existed as well). In the script, they couldn’t have the wall rebuilt right away because of the rainy season so that was a very awkward period for them (the workers only managed to put it back up to half the height it was before) but after Keying “died” Yuzhi just tried in vain to put the bricks back one by one with bare, bloody hands and the script went something like this.

“Put the bricks down, I’ll call the workers.”

Yuzhi seemingly not hearing, still kept piling up the bricks. One fell down, crushed Yuzhi’s hand and left a trail of blood. Yuzhi ignored the pain and continued.

“Just stop, Chen Yuzhi, I’ll call the workers right now!”

Yuzhi finally looked at Yuelou, “I can’t look at you for a minute longer, I don’t want to see you again.”

Yuelou helplessly compromised, “I’ll go. Just, don’t, don’t concern yourself with the wall anymore.”

Yuelou left not a second later. Yuzhi looked at his retreating form, feeling conflicted. The blood on his hand, dripping just as the blood in Yuelou’s heart, dripping. 

;_;

[killerandhealer]

A Blood Debt

¼ - In Childlike Hours 

The sound is faint, Chen Yuzhi isn’t even sure if it’s real at first, but then he hears it again. A soft sniffle, a chattering of teeth. It is pretty cold out, another winter’s day, and he himself with his big jacket, shivers under the weight of it but not enough to chatter his teeth like that. He’s not sure who it is or what, but curiosity and a peculiar concern overtakes him. He finds himself stepping forward as his father’s voice whispers in his head, ‘you have to be careful, we love that you are kind, but the world is a dangerous place, especially for people like us.’

He took their words to heart, listening attentively and goodly, because they are his parents and he owes them everything. They know more than him, but at barely sixteen, he couldn’t help but have some small swirl of rebellion in him, something urging him to say back, ‘what’s wrong with helping people?’ But he kept his mouth shut and has tried to be more cautious, but he can’t just turn his back on someone like this, especially in the cold.

“H- Hello?” He asks as he turns the corner, feet a little unsteady. He’s back from his tutor’s, extra studies because if he wants to get into medical school, he’s going to need the knowledge and grades. His parents aren’t particularly keen on it, especially his father, they haven’t agreed to anything yet. It seems like a waste of time to them, especially for how much extra time would be taken away to studies instead of to prepare him more for his life ahead. Something Chen Yuzhi doesn’t like to think about too much. When he does, it’s all blood and violence, and it stains him.

“Hello?” He says it again, this time more strongly and turns the corner to find a teenager like himself, dark hair and a pinched expression. Despite the cold, a sweat breaks out on the young man’s forehead, Chen Yuzhi’s heart lurches when he sees the blood.

“Are you okay!?” He half yells, but he doesn’t wait for a response before he’s there, kneeling down beside the poor fellow who doesn’t even wear a jacket. Without thought he takes off his own, and hands it over.

The guy shakes his head, but Chen Yuzhi insists, putting it on over top of him as he takes his arm as gently as possible and inspects the wound. “This is going to need stiches.” He proclaims, eyes locking onto the other’s that are clouded, on the verge of collapse. “I need to take you to a doctor.”

Something scary and harsh flashes in the other’s eyes, and before he can blink, fingers curl into his shoulder, enough to leave bruises- to hurt, enough for Chen Yuzhi to walk away, but he doesn’t. “NO! N- No doctor- No c- cops.”

That strikes a chord within Chen Yuzhi. “I didn’t mean- I- I wouldn’t.” He’d never call the cops. That’s the first thing you learn. If you need help, you go to The Family. Never the cops, never anyone else, never outside of The Family.

Keep reading

[thienna]

Killer and Healer Audio Drama Extra

KH Audio Drama team brought us the third and last extra of Season 1 today: 相亲 (Xiang Qin). Just like 钓鱼 Diao Yu (link), it’s free to listen and is a fun standalone so no worries about spoilers. Guess who's so done with Jiang Yuelou this time lol.

Link: https://www.missevan.com/sound/player?id=3467470

Translation under the cut. Enjoy! :)

[thienna]

It’s been 3 years and I’m drawing again thanks to KH. Can finally show this off after some sleepless nights. My countryside sunset for Yuelou and Yuzhi although it does look like sunrise but that’s all I could manage ok. ;_;

[thienna]

Killer and Healer Audio Drama Ep.12

HEAVY SPOILERS BECAUSE IT’S THE FINAL EP OF SEASON 1 BUT CHINESE FANS ARE SCREAMING SO WHY SHOULDNT WE COME HERE SCREAM WITH ME AGAIN IF YOU DON’T MIND SPOILERS

SPOILERS WILL BE IN THE COMMENTS AS WELL BE CAREFUL

Please consider supporting the series on MissEvan: [link]

JIN MA TANG HIDEOUT PART AUDIO: [link]

ENDING AUDIO: [link]

ARE YOU CRYING YET??? IS IT NOT EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER WANTED???? WHEN IS SEASON 2 COMING OUT????

[tytangfei]

killer and healer - cut scenes masterpost

Alright my fellow clowns, here is a list of cut scenes, meaning that they were filmed and (usually) dubbed already but were removed from the episode. A lot of these cut scenes are just like 10 or 20-second shots that were trimmed off, so I’m not saying the entire scene was taken out, simply that the original scene was longer.I recommend you watch these so you get a fuller experience and more intimate scenes of the characters. You can also typically find these clips if you search up “Killer and Healer Highlight” (which seems to be their keyword for the scenes they cut.)

Notes: If I miss any cut scenes for any of the characters, please let me know! Many thanks to jazthespazz for identifying some of the other clips and marking down the precise second! Additionally, I’m going to add some notes on translations that provide fuller context! And provide some other info too on the novel and audio drama. Under the “read more” contains info regarding the endings and keeping track of which ending is from where.

As always, if you can, please support the original works! Check here for how to support, provided by Moonlight Pavilion.

TRANSLATIONS/DISCUSSIONS

Jiang Yuelou’s name and the poem associated as well as the romantic connotations

More discussions on the poem and its translations via anon ask

MDL Thread on translated names and titles

AUDIO NOVEL/NOVEL

novel translation (may be inactive since Moonlight Pavilion has picked it up and their website is here)

another novel translation by a different team posting on twitter 

audio drama | audio drama translated via Moonlight Pavilion Channel

CUT/TRIMMED SCENES + FINAL EP INFORMATION + ENDINGS

Episode 1

jiang yuelou and zhan junbai at zhan junbai’s donation charity event before jiang yuelou & song rong takes off to the warehouse (unsubbed but this scene is in chapter 1 of the novel)

jiang yuelou meets chen yuzhi for the first time

Episode 2

chen yuzhi healing jiang yuelou | additional video showing a longer  moment where chen yuzhi stares down at jiang yuelou, starting at 3:16

Episode 3

*chen yuzhi cleaning up jiang yuelou’s wound (it is 99% similar to the scene that aired in the ep, only some seconds were trimmed off)

chen yuzhi touches jiang yuelou’s hand right before swipes everything off the table (starts around 1:17)

Episode 10

jiang yuelou receives a checkup for his “sore throat” (starts at 1:28) and also gets acupuncture (this one is not dubbed)

Episode 8

chen yuzhi bandaging jiang yuelou’s arm

Episode 12

jiang yuelou taking off chen yuzhi’s shirt and cleaning up his blood (unsubbed but comments have given some info about what was said)

Episode 15

brief wrist-holding while jiang yuelou pulls chen yuzhi to talk privately of their plan (from the 49-second mark to 53-second mark)

Episode 28

chen yuzhi visits jiang yuelou in the hospital: jiang yuelou puts his arm around chen yuzhi’s neck (in the last minute of this clip)

Episode 29

jiang yuelou touching chen yuzhi’s face while breaking ties aka MGTV’s title: “jiang yuelou, how can you treat your wife like this” (unsubbed)

zhan junbai is at first gentle and then harsh in feeding yu tangchun porridge (unsubbed)

Episode 30

zhan junbai tortures yu tangchun with crabs (unsubbed)

Episode 34

zhan junbai forcibly shaves yu tangchun’s scruff (unsubbed but comments have given some context; it’s unclear where this scene would be placed but it’s most likely between the 5min mark and 20min mark of the actual episode, during the talk w/ zhan junbai in the beginning and before chu ran sees yu tangchun all chained up and sitting outside)

Episode 35

this hug of their reunion with jiang yuelou touching chen yuzhi’s neck. (not dubbed)

Episode 37

the alternative ending aka the real ending (unsubbed but comments have given the general context of what was said)

**EXPLANATIONS ABOUT THE ENDINGS! SPOILERS AHEAD!** Placed under a read more. Includes links to the endings from the other mediums.

Keep reading

[thienna]

Thankyouuu Jina! Now we have everything in one place! :)

[thienna]

Killer and Healer Audio Drama Ep.10

IS THERE ANYONE WHO DOESN’T MIND SPOILERS FOR THE AUDIO DRAMA (PLUS THE NOVEL)? COME IN HERE SO I CAN SCREAM AT YOU BECAUSE ASDFGIGJSD SPOILERS BELOW

JIANG YUELOU CONFESSED!!!! YOU DON’T GET YUELOU “HELPING” YUZHI TAKE OFF HIS SHIRT BUT YOU GET A CONFESSION. I’M NOT WRITING DOWN THE WHOLE THING BUT JUST SOME BITS AND PIECES THAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW.

[viriyanon]

'tired' ? for your challenge :P

a.n. anon u... u reel me into a very dangerous thought okay. for the first 3 minutes, congratulation. but not after that. not toDAY SATAN!!1!1!1!!1

also. this is unexpectedly LONG. SO. LONG.

jiang yuelou sighs in annoyance after hanging up zhan junbai's phone call, telling him that his men failed to track down hong kong's emerging opium dealer that currently supplies jing city with an unidentified type of poppy. the whole police bureau is on fire due to this discovery.

"all i could confirm is that they indeed sell a new type of opium, presumably from india. but we failed to extract any information about the leader, let alone catching them. they were enforced by british authorities and my men suddenly were outnumbered," says junbai dimly from the other side of the line, clearly not liking the unpredicted variable in their perfectly planned undercover.

the executive offers an apology, which yuelou dismisses in a second 'cause executive zhan, regardless this one very failure, is still the best external alliance ever. the most reliable source, partner, and friend. yuelou can't ask for a better connection than zhan junbai.

but that doesn't change the current result. coming with that are mayor cai's aggravation and bai jinbo's wrath. song rong and sun yongren can only dip their head down watching the commissioner throw those paper in their boss' face, saying how incompetent yuelou is.

("well, let's see if commissioner bai can capture them by himself!" sun yongren says quietly, aggressively biting a baozi in his head 'cause it's pass dinner already.)

so, having a bad day is an understatement. it's beyond bad, it's bad bad. jiang yuelou is not someone who accepts defeat easily, he never wants to be one step behind. when he's one step behind, he must be in the chasing mode—he must be the one controlling the lane, the illusion of safety margin that manipulates the target's decision, the pace of their game. but today, someone else's successfully taking over him without his permission, dragging him around like a lifeless ragdoll.

thinking about him getting controlled by an unknown party burns him, anger boils in his vein—violence at the tip of his fingers, ready to transfer his rage to anything and anyone without mercy. upon seeing jiang yuelou disappear into his room, song rong and sun yongren immediately rush to every corridor that yuelou will have to walk through to exit the building, telling everyone not to initiate any conversation if their boss pass them by to avoid making the bureau a blood painted crime scene.

"don't- don't talk to chief jiang when he walks out, understand?!" sun yongren repeats the same information to some rookies coming in for their night shift before running to other corridor. the young officers, still with their idealism and lack of experience, take it with a grain of salt.

next thing they know is they freeze under the wall-mounted lamp as jiang yuelou grimly walks down the corridor. noone says anything to him, not even looking up from the carpeted tiles after they nod to salute him. his subordinates immediately clear out of his way, bumping their shoulders into the wall to avoid bumping into the walking wrath instead.

the said chief passes by the rookies too, giving them a side-eye, and they feel like they just get caressed by death. the yellow lights from the filament lamp falls on his pale white face, clenched jawline, and riled expression every two meter, making his appearance more hair-rising due to scanty lighting and blank spots. in addition, winter wind is particularly strong this week, easily slipping inside from the gap between the window frame and the stone surface. the corridor, dimly lit and gravely chilling, feels like a gate to the underworld and yán wáng is coming to take them personally, for a good minute.

the chief keeps striding without diverting his attention anymore, eyes fixed forward to shove everyone aside. he only has one destination set in his mind now and before he gets to it, his revolver will aim towards whoever gets in his way and extricate them his way, which usually is... freestyle.

when yuelou arrives in front of yuzhi’s front gate, he can’t help the bubbling anger overflowing his already small pot. the wooden doors are closed, tight, locked, yelling at him “no chen yuzhi today.” noone in this world would understand the immense effect this sentence can do to jiang yuelou who has grown a co-dependency with the doctor. today is marked as yuelou’s worst setback in life.

the chief exhales loudly, admitting his defeat to the universe, and makes his way towards his house with heavy shoulders. the rage and anger he wanted to lash out recklessly towards chen yuzhi douses entirely by the fact that the doctor’s not home to listen to him vent. thank goodness the snowfall is not heavy today unless he’d bury himself under the thick snow in one of jing city’s darkest alley. it’s sad that he is alone in this big, big world today. dramatic, but valid.

just when he’s about to open the gate to his house, he sees they are already unlocked. jiang yuelou never forgets unlocking his own house. facing unforeseen danger on daily basis, yuelou immediately slips his hand into his jacket and pulls out the revolver from its holster. he opens the wooden gate slowly, trying not to make even a creak from the rusty hinge and accidentally announce his appearance instead.

slowly but steadily, the gap widens and he steps inside with his arms are stretched out, his revolver is ready for some quick shooting. but he is welcomed with his brightly lit house in lieu of a group of opium dealers whose lives he ruined in the past. his eyes widen in disbelief upon seeing steam rising from freshly cooked foods on his dining table. yuelou freezes from his place, his arms gradually lowering themselves as well as his self defense.

soon, a man dressed in a warm ivory white knitted turtleneck appears with two plates of dish in his hand coming out from his kitchen and setting them on the table with other dishes. his hair, as usual, combed neatly—unlike yuelou’s hasty finger-combing technique. he is wearing yuelou’s slipper, the one he left behind in his living room when he was off to work. the moment the said man looks up and meets him in the eyes, a smile blossoms on his face, so beautiful yuelou can feel his heart wrenches from the mere sight.

"yuelou? you're home."

this is the view he's always dreaming of for God knows how long but never dares to tell. to come home to chen yuzhi dressed in a warm clothes, smiling under the bright light of jiang residence and welcoming him with a tight hug. and if he tells him he misses him into his ear, yuelou will pepper him with kisses all over his face, free of charge for undeterminable time, until yuzhi is tired from giggling and trying to escape from his iron grip. until he puts his palm over yuelou's lips as the last attempt to prevent him from attacking his face again and smile playfully at yuelou's temporary defeat. until the glint in his gleaming doe eyes changes into something like want, something that sounds like a request to kiss him properly if yuelou has some energy left to be wasted.

and jiang yuelou will not ask twice if he catches yuzhi's eyes flicker to his lips just once and goes back to meet his eyes. because yuzhi will see him doing the same thing too and he will understand that both of them want it.

jiang yuelou slams the wooden gate close, storming towards chen yuzhi whose eyes widen at his explosive reaction. impulsivity has neither been a best friend nor a rival, in yuelou’s case, but he learns to run for what his heart longs the most. and this is the first time his body really runs for what his heart wants. his heart wants comfort.

the chief throws away his revolver once he is inside his house and immediately reaches out for the doctor. one of his arm pulls yuzhi closer to his body as tight as he could while the other one is fixated on yuzhi's jawline, gently tilting it to a better angle ‘cause,

fuck this.

"yue-"

chen yuzhi never finishes his name as yuelou closes their gap and captures his upper lip, his teeth painfully clashing against yuelou as the latter miscalculates his strength. but yuelou doesn’t stop to apologize like every time he accidentally hurt him, instead crowding him against the dining table and kissing the light out of him as if the last time he had a meal was a thousand years ago.

yuzhi is confused, very confused. this is not their first kiss, but this is the first kiss that yuelou does so overly rough, messy, and raw, like a mass mayhem in a week long blackout. he knows yuelou tends to be stormy when his trauma is triggered or his mission falls by the wayside but he never lets this kind of weather affects his behavior and treatment towards chen yuzhi. after the doctor treats him routinely and he gradually gets better at controlling his emotion.

understanding and patiently waiting are yuzhi’s best weapons to pacify yuelou, returning him back to the ground until both of his feet firmly embed to the soil. he only needs to mold it into a form of physical affection without trying to change his pace. something that jiang yuelou will perceive as an act of submission. only this way, yuelou can and will melt. he is not a man who can be persuaded by asserting one’s power on him, and coercion is never chen yuzhi’s forte anyways.

the doctor gently squeezes yuelou’s shoulder once where he places his hands before and moves to hook them around his neck. he buries his right hand in his black hair, his fingers are warm and heavy against the skin of yuelou’s head. his thumb is rubbing a small circle on his back head tenderly, like a mantra he does it over and over again until jiang yuelou comes back to his sense.

that’s when yuelou’s grip on his waist loosens little by little, his turbulent kissing reduces to a slower and intimate one—the one that always trips chen yuzhi and makes him fall deeper for the other man and his enigma. soft moan slips out of his lips only to get muffled by yuelou’s inadvertent growl. 

they gasp for air eventually but never leaving their hands from each other’s body, not quite ready to let go. in between their huff and puff, yuelou steals a soft kiss on yuzhi’s cheekbone.

“i’m sorry, love. i was–” yuelou hesitantly looks up, straight into yuzhi’s eyes. the decision is a bad move, probably the only bad move that yuelou has ever made ‘cause the emotion in yuzhi’s eyes, they remain calm and considerate, far from judgmental nor do they spiteful. his lips are bruised as hell but his eyes, they never stop glistening with benevolence and never-ending patience towards his lover.

jiang yuelou can’t stand the guilt rising in the depth of his heart after seeing them. they are together, chen yuzhi chooses to be with him not to be his outlet of rage. the image of his defenseless late mother flashes in yuzhi’s face and he instantly regrets whatever he forced yuzhi into earlier. even if it’s just a kiss, something he did daily, routinely, sneakily, wholeheartedly, nothing really abusive and malignant about it but yuzhi might be hurt today. and if yuelou hurts him, he is breaking his own rule written on the very top of the list.

“yuzhi, i’m sorry i–” chen yuzhi slides his hands, cupping the older man’s face that looks like a 13 year old boy now under the weight of his guilt. smiling ever so fondly, he says, “you are tired, love.”

words stuck in yuelou’s throat for the third time upon seeing yuzhi’s eyes that have perfectly sensed his weary and withheld agitation. it’s his red light, then. it’s time for him to let yuzhi take control of the situation and do his part of the day. to do what he is the best at that yuelou is the worst at. any other matters can wait until yuzhi deems him to be fully loaded with ammo and health again.

jiang yuelou leans forward into chen yuzhi’s body, resting his feverish forehead on the crook of his lover’s neck, seeking comfort and humanly touch. yuzhi can’t help smiling at yuelou’s clinginess—he never says it but he absolutely loves it. love the idea to take care of the most troublesome chief officer in the whole jing city. love the way his toned muscles and tensed neck relax under his lithe fingers as he bathes him in a bathtub.

“let me prepare hot water for your bath.”

“will you wash my hair too?”

“hm.”

“what else will you wash?”

chen yuzhi presses a kiss on yuelou’s cheek, whispering “make a wish” before walking towards the kitchen, and disappear behind the white wall.

[zhivchik]

[thienna]

JYL u SSS-tier flirt

Remember these? A fan on Weibo just pointed out that these red beans come from this tree:

And they are called 相思子 meaning something like Seeds of Yearning. One of the most famous poets in the Tang Dynasty,  王維 (Wang Wei), even wrote a poem about it, called 相思 (Yearning or Love-Sickness). The poem goes like this: 

紅豆生南國，

Red beans born of southern lands,

春來發幾枝；

Spring comes branches grow;

願君多采擷，

Wish you’d pick abundant,

此物最相思。

These as my deepest yearning.

(I use my own translation because the ones that I googled don’t feel right to me, but there are a lot out there and they even come with analysis which will help you get better feel of the poem)

I.... don’t know what else to say. JYL u so deep why u chose to be shameless most of the time????  -____-

[tytangfei]

i really enjoy how wholesome the killer and healer fandom is. even on MDL where the comment section of any drama can get divisive very quickly, the fans and commenters have been very positive or neutral and, just, fans helping out each other, and trying to get more people to watch it and link resources together. ;u; such a good group. so proud of all of us.

[viriyanon]

it's 12:08pm and im feeling jiang yuelou since hours ago i need to let this out. watching jiang yuelou has always been an event to witness my own projection doing things, just like when i saw myself in chief phupha. but there are some similarities that are unique to yuelou.

first, yuelou and his dexterity, he is definitely capable of achieving a higher place than the commissioner's office. but his heart wants a peaceful countryside. he can do so many things with his level of cleverness and principle; he can turn a fool into the city's best officer. but he chooses the sunset in a far off countryside. because in his life, all he meets is conflict, physical and/or mental. the good and evil in him are constantly in a cut-throat clash.

he just wants an environment that puts the evil in a dormant state, or at least, sedated. since city life requires him to think hard, fight hard, live hard. with chen yuzhi and all of his parental figures' death, he finds no passion and reason to fight back anymore. yuzhi leaves unconditional kindness in his heart but is not physically there to help him nurture it. and yuelou is tired of having internal battle thats why his wish that fails and he eventually has to carry alone is to move to a countryside where his conscience will be less challenged.

second, out of everything, he only wants chen yuzhi's care. yuelou, in my eyes, he has so many buried aggression, anger, unreleased fear and anxiety. bet every time he has an episode, he just wants to throw something to release that bottled violence, preferably china cus i always feel, the breaking sound of it relieves a pie of the aggression. this also has the same purpose as the time he accidentally hurts chen yuzhi after saving him from the gangsters and he doesnt look guilty. because he needs people to know that he is so mad that he can hurt anyone if it's relieving. more importantly, he needs the people who he considers the closest to know that he's very angry.

like, this is me. look at me, im ugly. my inner self is even uglier, i wont hesitate even if it hurts you. look at how mad i am. i need you but for the love of God, stay away from me. ur too good for my fcked up life.

when yuzhi gives a constant and unfailing care and attention to him with extra tenderness and good will, yuelou sees no other prize but chen yuzhi. he has to have chen yuzhi close to him. he is his medicine. the doctor is transfering a surge of positive energy into every fiber of his being, he gives him a motherly touch that heals and calms his perilous storm down. chen yuzhi is a shock absorber, with his gentleness and pure concern for his well-being, he lets yuelou's anger travel to him through his fingers, pouring his overflowing aggression into a separate, less filled basin. the doctor himself is also an effective anaesthesia for jiang yuelou.

yuelou doesnt need someone to knock some senses into him or even worse, utilize the strong-arm tactics. a person like him has a gas station of his own; once you challenge him, you will be surprised by how far he can go. maybe, he will not use a gun to painlessly end someone's life. he will throw punches until all of that person's bones shatter into small particles and their ribs are broken inwards that it stab their heart and lungs. just so that person understand what pain is and hopefully records it in their head so not to repeat the same decision.

he only needs, as i said, someone who's having a quality of a mother gently nudging him, giving him the "kick". and thats it, he will calm down, his anger defuses, his vulnerability shows up. and chen yuzhi just needs to sing a lullaby and jiang yuelou will rest in a deep slumber until the sunrise.

looks like im writing this on behalf of yuelou. i understand his choice of action because i experience the same thing as him. and i admire him because he stays on the light side, not letting himself fall into the darkness like zhan junbai. again, chen yuzhi's presence (i just realize) is indeed so determining as he distinguish jiang yuelou's calibre with zhan junbai's. i havent found my own chen yuzhi but if one day i go through the same thing as yuelou, i'd do and feel pretty much the same thing. i'd be deadass dead. we are emotional people with so many love to give and thoughts to share but we are also very selective and sensitive abt to whom we share these confidences with.

i say, jiang yuelou thriving as a good commissioner and keying's only family, and staying in jing city, completely dumping the idea of a peaceful dawn watching sunset in a countryside are proves of him succumbing to fate. a white flag is raised by an unarmed man whose house just crumbles and his oasis is completely dried up.

[thienna]

love this this is too raw asdfagnbvn