Things I say

Fun thoughts and moods I have and need to express

[thingsisaytomysubs]

Awareness

It's so tricky, isn't it? Keeping track of it all.

You know you are able to keep it in your mind, the things you're told. You're effortlessly reacting the way that feels right.

It isn't like I even told you what you should or shouldn't keep aware of, it's just that some things so easily slide to the side, not needing conscious thought.

At the end of the day all that matters is that who you've become, who I've changed you into.

Each piece is so finely crafted and stuck so deep that you know this is who and what you are.

So it doesn't really matter if you were aware of each and every change that so gradually happened.

It's all you after all.

You've always been this way.

[thingsisaytomysubs]

Denial

You thought you had a say, you imagined this would all be on your terms.

Slow and safe and maybe you'd be able to influence where it would go. But as you struggled and grew comfortable in your restraints, you gave up more and more. And I was so happy to take.

While you beg and plead you can keep telling yourself it was all your choice, and it's good for you to keep that belief.

Even when the periods between climax and relief lengthens.

You asked for it. You love being denied and you love denying yourself. You love the comforting feeling like you decided for yourself.

You love your denial.

[thingsisaytomysubs]

Ditzy

If you suddenly notice yourself spacing out or losing track of a conversation while you're otherwise in a state you'd recognize as lucid, there's really nothing to worry about.

It's not that your mind now finds itself bending to the patterns it has learned while interacting with me, and it's definitely not a sign that continuous exposure to my words wear your mind down untill it becomes impossible to resist.

And why would you even want to? You're so much better this way.

[thingsisaytomysubs]

Memories

They get so foggy sometimes, you don't even know why. You feel the edges of your mind clawing at something.

You don't know what you're looking for. It's easy to be trapped in the realization, the story you were told about yourself, what you tell yourself, you can't tell which is true.

You "remember" but sometimes it feels like the memories aren't about you.

That clear line you feel about who "you" were before, and who you are now. You're so much better this way and you don't need those other memories.

[thingsisaytomysubs]

Happy

It's really interesting how you can't remember ever being sad, it's unthinkable to you now, you're happy, happier than you've ever been.

Then why are you saying your happiness hurts you? That you can't stop this overwhelming feeling within you? All you wanted was happiness and now you have it. You have more than you can bear.

You never thought happiness could be a punishment, but now you truly know the extent of your feelings. And I'll be sure to let you feel other things soon.

[thingsisaytomysubs]

Forgetting

We've had this talk before haven't we? Every time we do, you say you don't want it to happen again. You tell me that it's the last time.

You say it with conviction because this time you're sure you will remember. But once you've had your say, and the last amount of anger has left you, you beg me to take it away.

You didn't mean to say those things, and now you're filled with guilt. You don't know what you'd do without me, it's too overwhelming and you can't make yourself okay.

And of course, I'm only doing what you asked. You don't want to remember the things you said, you just want to go back to the way things were.

Ignorance is a blessing, and I'm so helpful when I take your burdens away. You need not remember the struggle.

You can just forget.

[thingsisaytomysubs]

Smile

The tears running down your face right now are so beautiful and sweet, your cheeks are swollen and you are unable to control yourself. You know deeply this makes me happy so you smile for me while it happens and as you do the feelings you had you thought were negative vanish from your mind.

You're so happy now, you've actually never felt happier before in your life, you don't even remember what caused you all the pain and anguish that made you break down. All you can feel is thankfulness and gratitude. I made it all better. I'm so kind to you.

And all you had to do was smile.

[thingsisaytomysubs]

Self inflicted

You're making yourself more tortured. Aching for release, building a want and a need that you know will keep growing until it becomes unbearable.

It's addictive that way, and it didn't take much to get you there. And now nothing can make you stop.

You simply ache and need, without ever true release.

[thingsisaytomysubs]

Sanity

You've always thought and believed you couldn't think well enough on your own, you searched for better thinkers, people who could make decisions for you. You were unable to form opinions and make necessary changes about yourself, but now.. now you think exactly the right way, the way I molded you to think, you can see the necessary changes you have to make, and you know that everything is going the way it should be.

You're sane and rational, and it's because you know deeply within yourself that if anyone tells you differently than I do then they're not the kind of people you want to agree with, that's such a core part of you now and you didn't even notice.. until it was impossible for you to think otherwise.

You're exactly the way I made you.

[thingsisaytomysubs]

You can say no

You say you don't want what's about to happen. And that's okay, we've played this game before.. each time you come back you tell me how much you wanted it, and I always indulge you, but this time, this time it's different, this time I'll take you seriously.

You can say no, I will respect that but now you know that I will.. so will you?