Things My Tennis Coach & Teammates Say

[thingsmycoachsays]

I think I wanna become a radical feminazi

Coach

[thingsmycoachsays]

I don’t have to eat cat food!!

Coach

[thingsmycoachsays]

I have negative romantic interests... People are just actively not interested

teammate

[thingsmycoachsays]

This is California. Everyone's gender neutral

Coach

[thingsmycoachsays]

Girls, you only get one bounce. This isn't wheelchair tennis

Coach

[thingsmycoachsays]

Bad volleys- so unattractive on a man

teammate

[thingsmycoachsays]

Expectations are death

Assistant Coach 

[thingsmycoachsays]

Guys, this is gonna be a bitch of a day

teammate

[thingsmycoachsays]

I'm starting to realize that I don't think I'll ever love a man as much as I love my mother

teammate 

[thingsmycoachsays]

Angel: The weather is so weird. I'm glad I don't get colds easily.

Coach: I don't get colds, I get cancer.

-Stunned silence-

Coach: It's going to be the new bumper sticker for survivors.

[thingsmycoachsays]

I was 17, stupid, and drank bourbon straight out of the bottle. The next morning I had the finals of the national tournament.

[thingsmycoachsays]

If I come to your wedding and you’re marrying some dipshit, I’m gonna take him out.

[thingsmycoachsays]

The guys only have a couple things on their minds: tennis, food, and a few other things that I don't wanna talk about.

[thingsmycoachsays]

Assistant Coach: Don't go drinking all week.

Coach: I'll set up the AA meetings when you get back if you need me to.

[thingsmycoachsays]

Let's get out of here. I'm going to Taco Bell.

[thingsmycoachsays]

Just play the potato. Mash the potato.

[thingsmycoachsays]

If your opponent has played at Wimbledon, you can have respect for them, but these guys are cowboys.