Things Students Say 101

Hilarious anecdotes recorded by teachers.

[thingsstudentssay101]

First Crush

My 7th grade is reading a children's version of the Aeneid, and we finally got to Camilla. Boy 1: Wow, she is awesome! Boy 2: If I were a girl, I would totally want to be Camilla! Boy 1: Wait, she's a girl? Later, in history class, while working on Texas Revolution Journals . . . Boy 2: Can I add historical possibilities? Me: Such as? Boy 2: Having a girlfriend? I would just her write from my deathbed, so it's OK. Me: (After I calm down) Sure. What's her name? Boy 2: Something cool. What's an awesome girl? I mean, girl name? Boy 1: Camilla? All boys: CAMILLA!!!

[thingsstudentssay101]

Accurate Reenactment

Whilst staging the battle of San Jacinto: Student playing Santa Ana: Off with your heads! It is all everyone else's fault, I am a perfect . . . . idiot whinney-hinney!

[thingsstudentssay101]

A Vocative Vocation

During Latin Club we were making a Latin name for everyone.

Student: Magistra, what would your Latin name be?

Me: Minerva.

Student: … … oh! I get it!

(Cue second day of being Miss Minerva.) (But does he really get it?)

[thingsstudentssay101]

English? Who is this English?

7th Grade English Class

Boy: So, what is English class?

Teacher: … do you still have your syllabus?

Boy: Maybe. *makes no move to get it out* But what exactly does “English” cover?

Teacher: Grammar, writing, and literature.

Boy: Literature? But I thought literature was Religion!

Entire class: What?

Boy: You know, like liturgy?

[thingsstudentssay101]

Mush and the 8th Grade

The 8th grade English class is reading Much Ado about Nothing, and getting to read dramatically and act it out.

We reached the final scene, which goes,

Benedick: Peace, I will stop your mouth! (Kisses Beatrice.)

And the boy playing Benedick reads: “Peace, I will … (reads the stage directions) … EWWWW!” He hurls the book across the room and begins to flail like a octopus, wailing, “I can never UNread that!!!!”

The rest of the class stared at him in consternation until one girl snarked, “Yeah, ‘cause no one’s ever done that before.”

[thingsstudentssay101]

Word Choice

I have been having a fight with the 7th grade boys over the (non)word, “bawesome” (“boss” and “awesome”). They write, “Achilles is bawesome”, and I cross it out because it is not a real word found in a credible work of literature. Also, is sounds silly.

During a reading day, the girl reading “Anne of Green Gables” raises a hand and says shyly, “Um, I think this says bawesome!”

*collective gasp*

Boy 1: Miss!!

Boy 2: We were right!

Boy 3: We need to read that book!

I calmed the hubbub and asked for the spelling and context.

Girl: B-O-S-O-M. Anne and Diana are bawesome friends.

[thingsstudentssay101]

Much Ado About . . . . Something

8th Grade English.

Reading Shakespeare aloud.

Student playing Benedick: “… but that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my BULGE in an invisible baldric -“

Teacher: “Bugle. It’s bugle.”

Student: “Oh. OK. Hang my BUGLE in an invisible baldric.”

[thingsstudentssay101]

On Augustine's Ethos.

"Augustine relies on ethos for his argument to work, and while for many centuries he was well-known and respected, many moderns will tell you the only St. Augustine they know is grass."

[thingsstudentssay101]

Grammatically true, logically unintelligible.

"Sauron is not Grendel, but not fighting Sauron is Grendel."

[thingsstudentssay101]

The Ghost of Texans Present

From an in-class essay: "Charles Dickens wrote about...the true meaning of Texas Christmas."

[thingsstudentssay101]

'Tis the season for Alot hunting!

[thingsstudentssay101]

Reality

7th Grade Boy: Miss, can you hear us at the lunch table? Teacher: That depends. Why? 7th Grade Boy: Because we are hilarious. We should have our own reality TV show! Teacher: . . . just at your lunch table? 7th Grade Boy: Yep! It would be a huge hit. Teacher: With whom? 7th Grade Boy: With everyone who goes here!

[thingsstudentssay101]

Wuv, Twoo Wuv

Teacher: (dictating) Love is defined as . . . (pause to let students write)

Student: What? Love is to find abs?

[thingsstudentssay101]

Oh you think so, huh?

6th grade Student: Will the school paper have a humor column? Teacher: Perhaps, but the humor has to be appropriate. Student: Oh, I don't have crude humor. My mom says I have "dry wit."

[thingsstudentssay101]

Sonnet 29.5

Student (reciting): "wishing me like to one more rich in... Death." Teacher: Hope, actually. One more rich in HOPE... Student: Oh... *uncontrollable laughter ensues (teacher included)*

[thingsstudentssay101]

Harsh compliment

Student: "Did you get a haircut?" Teacher: "Yes, I did actually." Student: "Well, you look WAY better!" Teacher: "Hmmmm, not exactly a compliment..." Student: "I mean, you looked nice before, but now you look way better." Teacher: "Yeah... Still not a compliment."

[thingsstudentssay101]

Majesty

The Class: 7th Grade History

The student: "Miss, 'teacher' is an ok title, but wouldn't you prefer if we called you Queen?"

The teacher: " . . . actually, I prefer 'empress'."