Hmmpf
I’ve been feeling stuck lately. Extremely lonely. I haven’t posted here in a while because my computer has been broken. But, yeah. Loneliness. All of my best friends have moved away, including the newly made friends I had. The special someone I had been seeing for half a year has gone radio silent, so I don’t have that anymore either. Things are quiet now. I have one friend who still lives in the area, thank God. And one other newly made friend and we seem to get along very well. But still, I can’t help but yearn for last summer. When I started this page. I reached my peak happiness. I had never felt so good. Now, I feel that it was blown away in the wind. Just a memory now. My room is messy again as well as my life. College has become too much to handle and all I do now is wake up at noon, do nothing, go to work and come back home to find myself in bed, awake until 4 in the morning. Only to repeat these days again and again. Weeks after months. It’s becoming exhausting. Living this life is hard. I’m trying to fix things, but it seems to sort of fizzle out once I get things on track. I plan to move out in the summer with my best friend who lives in Delaware. I really hope that helps. I’m looking for full time jobs in the writing business, but I’m terrified that they won’t accept me. I am striving to do what I love with little to no motivation. Those two combinations don’t work well together. It seems that I am tearing apart at the seems. And this is the last thing I would have expected from myself. I am sad that things have changed so drastically. How did it come to this? I don’t understand what turn I have made to get myself on this path. It feels inhuman. I feel more like a machine than a person. Being a robot is hard and lonesome. I wish living this lifestyle would give me some hardcore feelings again. I wish to be emotional again. Ugh.
- Jazmine
