Thirty Things

Not content with the direction of my life and overwhelmed by the fact that time is forever passing me by, I decided to set myself a list of 30 things to complete before I turn 30 on the 14th of April 2019. This blog documents my successes and failures along that very journey.

[thirty30things]

The art of doing everything

Throughout February I decided to take on the February Album Writing Month challenge; write 14 songs in 28 days. It's a formidable challenge for even the most hardened music writers. I managed 2. In the same month however, I played a couple of gigs (both as Steve and the Sea and with Isembard's Wheel), started learning a bit of coding, went life drawing and made myself present at a number of events as I often do. In fact, it's starting to become a challenge.

On an average week I'm maybe at home for 2 or 3 nights. I'll be out at open mics, playing gigs, practising or just generally going out to see someone. I have become the polar opposite of my former self where I would barely leave the house, short of begrudgingly going to see people I didn't really want to see. These days I just long for a night in once in a while. As such, this whole blog thing has really fallen off the to-do list.

It's good to have variety and things to do. It's good to have an active social life and things to be getting on with, but in taking on a challenge like this it's important to remember that a) you are one person and b) you have more time than you realise.

I feel awful if I find myself sat still for too long. If I'm not doing something then I feel like I'm wasting my time. My TV hasn't been switched on for a year at least. I can barely sit through a film without having to find something to do while it's on. It's a compulsion, an obsession with activity and productivity. It's a fear even, that a minute spent not doing something is another minute I won't get back.

But the key to success is a balanced diet of activity and inactivity. In doing too many things at once, you will simply burn yourself out, neglect to spend enough time on individual things and as a result they all suffer together. Nothing gets done. There's also some evidence that being constantly busy has negative effects on your creativity and productivity, and that doing nothing every now and then actually enhances your creativity and ability to think. It's not surprising when you think about it.

So I guess my plan for March is to focus myself more on individual things; pick a particular task and stick to it. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll do nothing at all.

[thirty30things]

2014/15

So I've been terrible at keeping this blog up to date, but I've been doing a pretty great job at working through my list. Although I don't think I'll be crossing any off just yet I do think I've made some excellent progress, and with it I've made some memories I'll really be happy to look back on.

2014 was a great year. I mean I never say that. Every new year it's all about "Thank god that's over, here's to hoping this year will be better." But this year I'm just hoping that 2015 can keep up this run of good times.

There have been lows, sure. It's not been perfect. Imagine an entire year of nothing but great things. They'd become so standard in the end. But overall, the highlights have far outweighed the downfalls.

Music

My solo music work and joining Isembard's Wheel have both lead to my top highlights of the year. From playing my first solo show in March, to playing a festival in September - it's moved from one success to another. Recording hasn't really happened and although I've played across the country with the band, it wasn't quite what I'd call a tour. That's definitely something I can see in the very near future, maybe even this year.

Travel

For the first time since I was 15, I left the country to visit Paris in September. It was an incredible experience, and one that I need to write a full post about at some point (I've been waiting to get the photos developed). I've definitely been bitten by the travel bug now. I still find the idea of travel quite daunting; I found it difficult to relax all weekend, especially in the heat and in the busy streets, but hopefully the parts I enjoyed will be much more encouraging than the boundaries I discovered.

Health

This year I also tried to get help to face up to my panic attacks. I decided to try hypnotherapy, despite my scepticism of alternative therapies and medicine. And, unsurprisingly, I don't really think it worked. It cost me an absolute fortune (near £600 in total) and I haven't noticed any benefits at all. What it has taught me is that this is a problem I really can only fix myself. Otherwise, I've stayed relatively healthy, but I'll definitely be looking to get more active in 2015.

There's still a lot of items on the list that I've barely touched, and a lot of work to do. But I'm feeling content and I'm happy with my life right now. I guess the biggest negative factor for this whole year is that I spent the entire time single. I've been on numerous dates that lead to nothing at all. But despite what I expected would be a truly crushing factor, I'm actually doing really well. I'm happy, I'm stable, I'm busy and I'm looking forward to another great year.

Happy new year everyone. I hope 2015 brings you plenty of success.

[thirty30things]

My Movember story

Just less than an hour and I can get this face-shamer off. It's been an interesting month; I've played a number of gigs, I've even been on a few dates and all of it has been with this awful attempt at a moustache on my face.

Movember is about raising awareness of men's health and one part that particularly rings true to me is mental health (trigger warning). Talking about mental health is often against this typical image of masculinity, of what being a man is. As if talking about/having feelings is "unmanly". Meanwhile 75% of suicides in the UK are men. 1 in 4 people in the UK will suffer some kind of mental health problem at some point each year, and being a man doesn't protect you from this. Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, psychosis and more do not discriminate based on gender.

I know this is true because I've been there myself in a multitude of ways. My anxieties (claustrophobia/agoraphobia/emetophobia thing) is pretty well known amongst my friends, but I've also been through very difficult periods that have pushed me to my limits; things I'm much less open about. I've never been diagnosed with depression (and I would never make a self diagnosis), but I'm almost certain I've been through something not completely dissimilar if not clinical depression itself. It's not just feeling really sad - it's a loss of control of emotions and a difficulty in getting through every day life and finding enjoyment in the things you normally enjoy (along with a host of other symptoms). There have been times when I've had to get help, spoken to doctors and had to find ways to get through a normal day. I've burst into tears in the middle of Tesco for seemingly no reason. I've weighed up the options of completely leaving everything I have behind to start a new life somewhere else just to get away. That was a year of my life I hope will be the worst that I have to go through. Right now my life is about as amazing as it could possibly be and I find it difficult to remember how I could ever have felt like I did, but I know all too well that that doesn't mean I never will again.

But anyway, my point is that mental health is a huge deal, and it does often effect men, regardless of how "manly" you are. You don't get to bypass depression because you're a LAD, and you're not losing any man points for talking about what's going on in your head.

Movember raises funds and awareness for a multitude of men's health issues, so if you want to help out then any donation can make a difference. The Isembard's Wheel Movember page is over here:http://uk.movember.com/team/1795385

[thirty30things]

Inspired

I swear there's more to me than music, but I guess that's taking up a huge chunk of my life right now. Tonight I'm going to bed with a huge smile on my face, inspired and motivated. I'd much rather stay up and keep writing more music. I met with my new friend (who I met at an open mic a couple of weeks ago) and we made our way down to a secret gig in a flat somewhere in Nether Edge. On entry we were greeted by one of the organisers and asked to add our shoes to what seemed like already an endless and confused pile. We squeezed in to watch Flood Hound already playing their acoustic set. It was intimate, warm and welcoming. Sofar Sounds (as they are called) put on gigs like this on a regular basis, and create this intimate environment that I just have to be part of. From there we wandered down to the Cremorne. My friend Sarah is a real Open Mic champion and despite 7 years in this city this was my first time at this particular night. The set up was the usual; a range of musicians, some incredible, some still finding their feet, most people milling about and not really paying attention, but it was nice to be meeting new musicians and networking. It finally came around to my turn and I gave it all I had. I always close my eyes when I sing, I can't tell you why. When I opened them again the space near the stage was nothing but eyes staring back at me. People were actually watching. This isn't some attempt to blow my own trumpet. I messed up plenty and need more practice. But I'm proud of the music I make, it means the world to me. To see people who have never seen me before, who weren't there for my sake, suddenly caught by what I'm doing... I can't even put it in words. Maybe I'm not totally crap after all. Maybe there is actually something in this. Music means the world to me. It ruins me, wares me out and drains me of all the time I have. To know even for a moment that people care about what I'm doing, that makes it all worth it.

[thirty30things]

EP progress.

I’ve been performing as Steve & The Sea since March this year, and I had finished writing the EP in April. But getting around to record it has been no simple task. Finding the time and resources is a challenge, but today I was set up and sat behind a drum kit in my friends’ practice room ready to knock out some beats onto Protools. The recording didn’t take long at all. Just a few takes for each track and it was done. The guitars, organ, vocals, and just about anything else that can make a noise will be added later, and then there’s the mixing and mastering to be done from there, but it’s a start.

Technically it’s not my first EP. I recorded one when I was about 17 but the less said about that one the better. I’m really excited about getting this one finished and hearing something done to a much more professional level than I could do by myself.

Hopefully with an EP done I can start to chase after some exposure; play a few more gigs, spread out beyond Sheffield, maybe pester a few Festivals etc. and see if anyone wants me. Recording an album is on this list, so I have to get there eventually, but it would be nice to get some support before I start that!

[thirty30things]

5 and 6.

I graduated in 2011 with a 2:1 in Graphic Design (MDes) and a complete lack of direction. I’d spent the last 4 years trying anything and everything to work out what I’m passionate about and only found that I just love creativity. I love to work, to make, to do.

The year-and-a-bit following my graduation was a dark time. Losing a family member to cancer, watching friends move away, being forced into an awful job answering calls from angry people, moving into a home where I wasn’t quite comfortable, working on a relationship that had no option but to fail, and on top of it all, I had no idea where I was going next. See, you go through education knowing what the next step will be. School, college, university; it’s linear and directed. But then you come out the other side and there’s nobody telling you where to go any more.

Since then, I’ve worked within careers guidance, producing media materials to help university students work out this very same dilemma for themselves. Being here has taught me a lot.

Firstly, the skills in terms of producing work. That almost goes without saying really. You learn a lot while you study, but you learn twice as fast when you’re right in the middle of the battlefield known as full time employment.

But the biggest thing I’ve learned is that life simply does not have direction. You can never possibly know where you’ll go next or what you’ll be given. And as such, I’ve thrown out the idea of long term goals.

OK, obviously not completely, or I wouldn’t be making this blog. I have ideas, and I’m working towards them, but I’m keeping them intentionally vague.

Ask me 10 years ago what I wanted to do with my life and I would have said I was hoping to be an architect or maybe a sound engineer. 5 years ago I probably would have said a web developer. Right now, I’m loving producing animations, and I’m working on making money from playing music too. Just imagine if I’d given my all to being an architect. Some people will go through life with just one aim in mind, and if that works for them then I can only wish them the best. I just can’t seem to stay on one path, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. By the end of this year I will probably want to do something else, but in the process I will have developed my talents in animation and media through my work. So instead, I think about what I want from the next year, the next two maybe, but no further. As you progress, your desires and interests change, and so should your work.

I do hope that by the time I’m 30 I can be working for myself. I need that flexibility and variety. But of course before I can do that, I need to have something to offer potential clients.

So for tasks 5 and 6 on my list of 30 things to do before I’m 30, I will build my own portfolio website, and over the next 4-and-a-bit years build up enough work to sustain myself. Whatever that work may be.

[thirty30things]

1-4; Without music, life would be a mistake.

I made my debut performance as a guitarist when I was 11 years old. I’d had my guitar for about 6 months and I’d convinced a couple of friends to put together a band, so that we could play Wonderwall in front of 800 other school kids. We didn’t win the competition of course, but I guess that’s where it all began. Truth be told, I’d already performed as a violinist a year or so before.

So yes, I’m big on music. Since then I’ve been in more bands than Mike Patton and I’ve played more shows than I can count. Everything from post-metal to folk to indie; as a guitarist, a drummer, a vocalist, and even as a cajon player.

Currently I’m involved in…maybe four different music projects. Two of these are in very early stages, but I’m plenty busy with gigs, song writing and rehearsals.

Having gotten tired of watching band after band break up I decided to go it alone. The result was Steve & The Sea; a folk-but-not-folk singer-songwriter thing where I make more noise than should ever come from a single guitar. It’s taken it’s time to develop, but I’ll be recording an EP soon.

And from playing open mic nights as Steve & The Sea, I made myself acquainted with a local folk musician by the name of Alexander Isembard. Anyway one thing lead to another and before I knew it I was playing cajon in Isembard’s Wheel. Alex runs a tight ship and within weeks I had learned dozens of songs, performed several gigs and had several more in the pipeline.

Music will always be something important to me. I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to make a career of it, that I do it just for my own enjoyment. It’s definitely a little from column A, a little from columb B. Regardless of where it goes, I’ll still be playing.

So for tasks one to four, I will tour, and I will record albums; both as a solo artist, and as a band. I guess that’s the next logical step. To experience life on tour; take away food, sleeping on floors, running out of clean clothes. All of it. Recording is an interesting process too; I mean it’s frustrating beyond measure, but in the end it’s worth it. Maybe. We’ll see.

[thirty30things]

So where do I begin?

I guess it all started about a year and a half ago. No wait, two years ago. I’ve clearly already wasted too much time. I would go to her flat nearly every night, and we’d spend most of the evening just watching sitcoms on E4 and eating pudding; both of us too tired from work to take on anything more challenging. Graduation was almost two years behind me, and here I was coming home from an exhausting shift, taking calls from angry customers who’s broadband connection had once again failed. I was drained, and completely void of any direction or hope. I had no idea what I was doing with myself or where I was going, or how I would find a way out of this circle.

And so, equally worn down by my constant complaining and emotional outbursts, she suggested I make a list of thirty things to complete before I reached thirty. I was twenty-three at the time. In fact we both would, and we’d help each other out.

The relationship didn’t last, and for the next year or so I was busy building a new career, or starting various new projects as I tend to do, and the idea slipped. So faced with the inevitable ravages of age, I decided it’s time to pick it up again. I’m going it alone, but I’m going there anyway, so I might as well make the most of it.

So here we are. I’m 25, single, working in a pretty nice job in media and living in a pretty nice flat in the city. But life doesn’t stop when you’ve got things where they need to be. Sure I’m doing all right where I am. But why stop there? I’ve got 4 years, 7 months and 27 days (or 1,700 days) to complete thirty things, and they sure as hell won’t do themselves.