infantilization is being repeatedly treated like an immature child because you want your family to admit when they are wrong and not just blame you and change events when things go wrong. all while being told you'd get more respect when you became an adult for so many years.
not being allowed to have age-appropriate autonomy and take age-appropriate risks made it to where i ended up doing some really harmful shit in order to try and make up for what i felt i "lacked". i don't feel my age, both because my autism means that I've had a lot of developmental and social delays, and because I'm never taken seriously or respected.
it reaaallllyy does not help that some people treat me like I'm 5 when i say I'm ace. yes i know what sex is and the mere mention of it will not scandalize me. i'm just not interested in engaging in it.
finally, the developmental and social milestones were not helped by the amount of.. neglect and emotional abuse going on. i spent a lot of my life online or curled up in my room; sometimes for most of the day, because it was the closest i could get (in a very not-soundproofed house) to some semblance of peace. it was all "oh you're so mature" until i had thoughts and ideas of my own and started advocating for myself more. as soon as i wasn't soaring through my classes anymore, i wasn't worth the trouble and treated as a nuisance. i was in survival mode for long enough that a *future* just didn't make sense to me.
and now? i really have this pit in my stomach about finally trying to muster the confidence to socialize again because of how much i was treated like glass or something to be avoided before. though dating isn't a priority, i have a theory that I'll be treated as "no fun" or "childish" because I'm ace, haven't been able to move out yet (money reasons), don't drink, and have a lot of sensory issues/personal space requirements that would make going to clubs impossible.
claiming my life back is so important to me after years of going through the motions but *god* is it one hell of a journey to get there.
the nice thing is that a good chunk of the friends I'm working on reconnecting with right now are also trans, so. relief that that conversation will likely go well.
i have been working on taking care of myself better and being able to finally start towards making my own money and driving more consistently. it took years and years and years, but I've been at peace with myself with so many fears that used to "eat me alive", so to speak. i'm in my 20s now. if you had asked teenage me that, they wouldn't have believed it. i've made it this far, dammit, and mostly because i was lucky enough to have the friends i did. recontextualizing what had happened to me and finally being able to believe that it wasn't okay after so many years of doubting myself felt like i could breathe again. I've been able to set some boundaries because of it and some have been pretty successful... though others are still incessantly challenged.
it's nice to see that the friends i have been able to contact so far have managed to live happy lives after all the hell they were given, too. gives me hope.
This is infantilization regarding autistic people and ace people (seems it's specific to alloace's but it's pretty general). Making it ableism (anti-autism specifically) and acephobia.
@thisis--ableism @this-is-anti-autism @this-is-acephobia
Also, anon, i'm really glad that you have hope and things are getting better for you situationally and mentally surrounding this!!
