i heart not learning my lesson

supporting ALL victims, even the ones who aren't "perfect".

[this-is-anti-victim]

welcome to "this is anti victim" though the name may be a bit misleading, as the blog will also cover pro victims things like support, resources, etc.

this blog is to submit your experiences, things you see online both positive and negative, discourse, etc., centering around being a victim/survivor of sexual assault.

this blog is a safe space for ALL victims, yes, even those ones. this blog has no DNI, and is welcoming to all, just please try to be respectful.

discourse type discussion is okay, but do not incite harassment of anyone.

topics like kink, paraphilic disorders, age regression, "impure regression", self harm, csa, and others which may be triggering will likely be discussed on this blog, so please engage with caution. trigger tags will be added to posts so that you can filter out anything that personally makes you uncomfortable, so message or ask if you want the mod to add a tag for anything.

this blog was inspired by those like @thisis-paraphilicsocialostracism @this-is-antikink @this-is-anti-little @the-nsfw-little-blog and more!

icon credit to @/vampireaxel

[this-is-anti-victim]

I feel like the hate for Angel from Hazbin hotel is anti victims

People complain that he’s crude hypersexual, abusive, objectifies himself and went back to his abuser but that’s all very accurate things that can happen. Especially cause he’s not just a victim of rape He’s a victim of sex trafficking. People say the writing is unrealistic, but I have met people who are like him. Self destructive and walled off and trying to be sexual to reclaim what they feel was stolen from them. It’s fine is you personally don’t like him but calling him “unrealistic” is SO inaccurate.

this is anti victim! saying a very common response to trauma that lots of victims have is "unrealistic" is very offensive. hypersexual, mean victims who don't fit the stereotype of being meek and passive are often looked down on in real life, discounting what little representation is there for them is speaking over victims.

[normalblognormalboy-moved]

people want to live in a world where they never have to think about sexual abuse at all but it’s an incredibly common think so the obvious route is to terrorize victims and survivors of it right. but that makes you look like a bad person who’s ok with rape so you have to maneuver it sometimes. the deer is evil for being raped let’s keep that in mind…

[this-is-anti-victim]

i think it's anti-victim when the voices of people in caregiving positions to young and/or disabled people (or those who are otherwise dependent, like elderly people) are prioritized over the people they're responsible for. even in cases where there actually isn't any abuse, it's important to recognize how there's so much potential for abuse, and that it means that we have to elevate the voice and choices of the dependent person. people are just so eager to decide by themselves what the narrative is.

in a similar sense it rubs me the wrong way when in fiction an older person is portrayed as being the victim of a younger person. it's definitely true that people can manipulate, abuse, and even groom that are older than them. but it's not very common. for example i read a sci fi book recently (i think the summer before last) that despite being progressive in a lot of ways, it had this detail of like... the current king had been in a relationship with this other character who was at *least* ten years older than him, when he was still the prince. and i'm pretty sure the king was also fairly young as of the time the book took place but had been the king for a few years at least already, which doesn't say good things about how young he was when they were in a relationship. and yet for some reason the king was being portrayed as the abusive ex who couldn't let go while also having treated the other guy as a toy, because he was... the prince and therefore privileged, i guess? to be fair i might be misremembering some stuff. and like obviously it's not impossible for things to have realistically panned out like that, but when the author chooses to depict things that way, when they could have easily chosen to make the king older and the other character younger or just the same/similar ages, it's... i don't know if it qualifies as anti-victim since victims who were/are older than their abusers are still victims, but it doesn't give me great feelings.

the first part is anti victim, but it is also anti victim to discount representation for older victim/younger predator situations, especially in the example you described, that seems like a very complex power dynamic between those characters, and showing how certain imbalances of power and hierarchy can "overpower" age dynamics. an older person being the victim of a younger person who has significant societal power over them is a nuanced that should be explored and represented more. that's just my opinion though.

[this-is-anti-victim]

Whenever a victim has a “yucky” coping mechanism people will say shit like “hope it happens again😊” it’s genuinely so disgusting you aren’t the normal person here man

this is anti victim

[this-is-anti-victim]

Is it anti victim that i was discussing a movie, someone said they wanted watch it (only knowing what i had said about it) and i said “just to warn you there is a pretty graphic scene of sexual assault” and they deleted my message and said i shouldn’t talk about that

I personally would appreciate the warning but idk if i did something wrong there

That is not anti victim of YOU, but it's odd of them. Sexual assault shouldn't be treated as something that shouldn't be talked about, especially not when you were just trying to be helpful and keep them from seeing something triggering.

[this-is-anti-victim]

How sexual assault is used for shock value in horror. So frequently it’s not dreaded like a serious topic it’s treated as “look! We’re shocking and edgy!!!!1!!!!1!!” Examples of this are evil dead, human centipede, the killing joke, ect,

I will give credit to Sam Raimi, the director of evil dead. He looked back at evil dead, and said “yeah that was fucked up to do. If I made the movie now, I wouldn’t do that” he acknowledges It was just him trying to be edgy and he didn’t handle it with the gravity it deserved 

this can be anti victim, but there's also sometimes no telling what the intention was behind adding a "shocking" scene of sexual assault, especially in horror. I do think it's important to think about how it is handled, but also I think artists should be able to tell stories about sexual assault in whatever way they want, because it always ends up resonating with someone. However, it is a valid thing to be put off by and personally triggered by, and I wish there were more varied depictions of sexual assault in popular horror that gave people more depth to relate to and feel represented by.

[this-is-anti-victim]

I’m scared to tell people what exactly happened to me beyond saying I’m a rape survivor and it was a woman who did it. because of the things I’ve heard over and over, and even then I’ve found myself uncomfortable saying that and instead opting for “SA survivor”.

Because apparently saying no over ten times in a row and finally giving in counts as consent to some people! And being forced to penetrate? Unheard of! Real rape victims are forcibly penetrated by cis men with their dicks, so this shouldn’t have traumatized me. It didn’t count, so I can’t be upset. And most perpetrators are men like me, so if I’m scared of it happening again so much that I end up scared of women entirely, I’m just looking for excuses for misogyny.

Thankfully I’ve healed enough that a lot of that doesn’t affect me as much as it used to. But that took a full decade. And I still don’t trust 99% of people with the details. Because even though I know they’re wrong and it did count and I do deserve support and understanding, it still hurts to hear. And I’d rather not give them a chance to say it around someone whose own wounds are a lot more fresh.

This is anti victim. We need to take male victims and victims of female predators seriously, and it isn't perpetuating misogyny to hold female rapists accountable.

[this-is-anti-victim]

our luckily nowadays ex-friend tried to push us to report our rape to the police and literally told us something like "if you don't do it they will hurt more" instead of offering comfort (and we had to also focus more on hey maybe don't be racist???? that has absolutely nothing to do with that what is wrong with you). we conceded because life circumstances fear of losing etc and that was. reporting and the cops no matter where in the world can be absolutely awful to victims all that just made it even worse this push people have with "report it! report it!" is absolutely atrocious. quite frankly the whole process (plus how that friend treated) was more traumatizing than the acts themselves. they want a perfect victim or you're not getting a case. so much of the interrogation was victim blame leaning if not outright regarding the questions as if those matter. also that friend knew we have problems with recalling faces and still wanted us to go. honestly the "get and wear something that notifies the cops" "go to those self defence classes" "just snap pics next time" etc talk from that friend was also just.. why is it our responsibility to stop others from doing something that they shouldn't do why are we apparently not allowed to simply say no why is apparently our fawn response not good enough for you why do you almost immediately after the act write about how we should just stop doing those responses and learn to fight back that genuinely just sounds quite victim blaming and is absolutely not helpful in the slightest where is your actual comfort and support for us beyond yapping this and cops talk when you know how much we are acab. do you know how much we fear it happening but way more forceful when we would try to fight back and it fails as if this brain simply fawns for fun. it is being tried to change the mindset is being tried to change but that is an awful way to try to get someone to do that. plus they knew the gender deal and are trans too but regarding that talk kept misgendering us like great we know the only places are for women can you maybe not fucking contribute to this. at least we nowadays have a friend who is. significantly better than that ex one. and so have at least one we can talk to without filter and we adore them dearly.

it sucks how. like. we absolutely get people reporting their abusers (especially if it's the only way to hopefully remove them in such situations). we are personally just significantly more restorative justice and hope people change and get actually proper help (and luckily while searching for something it got learned there are places who try that) instead of being locked up in a cell and potentially traumatized in those places we do not want to ruin the whole life of people. getting a job while having been in jail is hard. shaking that one anon's hand since we are also not angry at ours. we are significantly more angry at how people who supposedly care about victims treat us and see anger hatred *the death penalty* as the only and/or best way. no-one should die! we don't want our assaulters/rapists to die! tell that to victims/survivors who you know and prefer to cope like that but that is not the solution to those problems as a whole nor think every survivor wants to hear that! not a steven universe fan we simply never watched it but we are aware a good chunk of the hatred people have with it is because redemption and compassion and all was the way and it was not instead about killing those abusers. let people cope and feel about things however they want. I think... some people who supposedly care about victims only fixate on the abusers so they have a group they can be awful to and fantasize about killing while completely ignoring the victims and not help us at all.

truly the only (or at least one of the only ones) narrative people want is. angry victim who wants their abuser(s) behind bars and dead and was without a doubt 100% clearly the victim who tried truly everything to get away or was intoxicated etc. but also no anger against anyone else there they have to play the poor victim so others can feel good. we are proship and while we shake hands with others who prefer to not engage with it (while not going the pro censorship route) do some of us like cnc and all and it is absolutely vile how so many groups be it antis or other censorship ones or other places too prop victims up as just some thing they can talk about and use for their talking points while never truly actually acknowledging what we have to say, and if then they cherry pick the ones out that are only for their cause and everyone else is clearly in the wrong (and has more mental health issues and needs therapy but if their therapist agrees with them then that one is clearly also bad and they need to find a better one). we exist and simultaneously don't exist in a way for people. I wish I was better with words to phrase this as well as I want to.

and on a side note I am very happy about this blog. we are quiet on the internet in general so I occasionally think I started to make up how bad people actually treat victims until I see something again.

this is all very anti victim! both the victim blaming, and nobody really considers how hard the pressure to report IS, especially if the abuser is a family member, partner, or someone else you know. and dealing with the legal system can sometimes only drag out the trauma by constantly reminding you of it and forcing you into stressful situations surrounding the abuser, without even mentioning how useless the cops can be.

And thank you :3 I'm glad that this little blog has already been helpful to so many people. I wish you well anon, I'm glad that friend is out of your life now. 🫂 🫂

[this-is-anti-victim]

the entire pupsies situation

this is very anti victim.

[this-is-anti-victim]

is it anti-victim for me to feel... for lack of a better word, unrepresented by the vast majority of victims in media being portrayed as vengeful and angry? i know that "perfect victim" rhetoric is harmful, but all the same i don't feel empowered at all by embracing anger and hatred of predators/abusers/etc.; what feels empowering to me is validating my and other victims' pain and experiences. especially with outrage-based activism being so popular these days i can't help but feel broken or immoral for not being angry and vengeful the way i feel pressured to be. the stories i write generally have gentle, vulnerable protagonists, because i'm tired of every protagonist and major character in other media being super independent and strong, in this way that makes me feel like... you have to be independent and strong (in the ways that society values) in order to be worthy of love. and that really upsets me not only because of my victimization but also because of my disabilities. but then people just... tend to not be interested in my stories, or criticize my characters for being too passive. i dunno. i worry that portraying victimized characters as similar to me in those kinds of ways is... harmful, somehow.

this is anti victim! this IS the perfect victim thing at work, most victims are expected to hate their abusers, and people tend to see victims being passive is "excusing the abuse", but its such a common experience, especially among child or grooming victims, and incest victims, to have complex feelings about it. And really, every victim's experience is different, and so however you choose to represent it might feel comforting to any others who had a similar experience than you.

also: you deserve to be able to be passive, to relax, to not always fight and be angry, to not have to be an active activist just because of what happened to you. victims should be allowed to rest.

[this-is-anti-victim]

Anti Victim is acting ilke I can't have a mutual situation because I have been sexually harassed a bunch of times. I'm not tainted for life one guy did awful things in front of me about me.

this is anti victim! the way people act like once you've been sexually harassed or assaulted, you can never have a consensual relationship is extremely dehumanizing.

[this-is-anti-victim]

Anti victim is looking for a reason someone deserved whatever crimes commited against them

this is anti victim, classic victim blaming.

[this-is-anti-victim]

Anti-victim is my mother not believing that my little brother has unintentionally sa'd me even though she has complained and cried over the exact same thing because he did it to both of us. He had done this through the ages of 7-11. Now he just makes really sexual jokes. Which ig is considered normal for teens but I still find it iffy...

Oh and it gets worse: when she asked about why I age regress, she said she did some research and asked "has anyone touched you inappropriately" and I just went quiet cuz I knew if I brought him up she'd defend him like "he's just a kid" or "he just loves you" or "it's not that bad" or something. I've had her scream about how she had it worse and that what I experienced "isn't actually SA" and shit.

Bottom line is that it was sexually provocative and it made me extremely uncomfortable and my brain registered it as traumatic. Doesn't matter that it "wasn't that bad" and if someone really doesn't wanna call it assault can we at least agree it was harassment? Ffs... Groping someone's ass or boobs or "feeling them up" when hugging is not ok unless they consent. How difficult is that to understand? It really shouldn't be difficult at all. And that's not even the worst he's done.

~🌈💫

this is anti victim! also, unwanted sexual touching like that IS sexual assault, not just harassment. so much sexual assault is excused when its within families unfortunately.

[this-is-anti-victim]

It's anti-victim that after my parents learned I (at 14) was abused and stalked by someone I met in a particular 2020-era paraphile community (the someone being an "anti") they blamed me for "hanging out with pedophiles online," punished me severely, and punished me more when I crashed out and told them I didn't feel safe at home or at school because of it

Also it's anti-victim that the same paraphile community shunned me for having complicated feelings towards the abuser because "he's a horrible person, just look what he did to you," banned me from a gazillion groups, I was literally name-dropped on DNIs, and that opened me up to victimization within the paraphile community because I'd latch onto literally anyone who gave me the time of day

The anti-paraphile community is/was (honestly IDEK if it's still a thing since all the MAPs left Twitter and they didn't have anyone to harass) a breeding pool for predators who would use "trust me, I'm one of the good guys!!!" to target vulnerable kids. Also encouraging kids to interact with people you think are inherent dangers to kids makes you just as bad. Meanwhile the paraphile community, even the anti-contact ones, still will victim blame aren't fully sold on the fact that kids can't consent. So even if they say "kids can't consent to sex with adults because [something something brain development something something power imbalance]," they have no sympathy for kids that make bad decisions and will let it chase them for years.

Also don't get me started on how both groups are ridiculously forgiving to predators. Yeah if you as a grown ass adult groomed kids you probably shouldn't be talking to them like, 2 months later just because you said sorry. And that might seem specific to paraphile communities but the antis did that too.

Also I told the antis that this guy was abusing me for almost a year before they decided to care. Even though it was extremely well known that we had "drama," he had publicly harassed me and encouraged me to commit suicide while I was extremely suicidal, the thing that finally made them outcast him was him making one (1) creepy comment to a non-paraphile teen. Not him straight up saying he was in love with me in my DMs, that's fine according to the people who formed a community targeting *checks notes* people who are attracted to kids

Also it's anti victim that I can't talk about any of this on my main blog because people will still harass people for being in paraphile communities as young teens even if they're not remotely associated with them anymore and don't identify as a paraphile anymore

yes, this is all anti victim, specifically victim blaming from your parents, and the way people treat victims who have complicated feelings about their abusers, and paraphiles who are victims, is abhorrent. i'm sorry you went through all of that anon.

[luzon-dove]

people on this website treat victims of incest and rape in a way that is so genuinely evil i struggle to understand it

[this-is-anti-victim]

is it anti victim if my mom didn't help me after being SA'd? /gen

Absolutely.