This is Internalized Hate

Hi! Thanks! Please send an ask :3 Mod uses it/he/any pronouns. Also go check out my main blog, @explosions-are-funny

[this-is-internalized-hate]

Intro Post!

Hi! This is a blog dedicated to internalized hate, inspired by @this-is-saneism @this-is-parental-abuse and @this-is-ableism !

just send in an ask related to your own internalized hate! I will not allow people to go around saying “[blank] is doing [blank] therefore they hate themself!”

uh.

Random things I think people might ask!

“What counts as internalized hate?”

when you hate yourself because people keep saying things/doing things because they hate you. For example, I hate my guts! Internalized ableism, internalized homophobia, internalized racism, internalized pluralphobia… they all count!

“I’m a minor. Can I really have internalized hate if my hormones are acting up?”

of course! I’m a minor as well, and I’m chock full of it! All hate is real, all your emotions and feelings are real!

also, I’m open to asks about internalized love!

no dni, I trust yall to make your own decisions. Remember, I am pro-endo.

[this-is-internalized-hate]

I hate how I make life so difficult for my mother. Like I'm 18 so she doesn't even legally have to house me but she doesn't kick me out. But most days my head calls her abusive just because she doesn't wash up (which would allow me to have food or drink but she's not even legally required to provide that) and asks to borrow money a couple times a week (it's not her fault I'm too mentally ill (I keep thinking she'll do stuff to me like hit me when she never has) to say no and i'm not sure she even knows that)

And when she asked me to wash up just now, I turned the hot tap on and when there was no hot water, I fucking went to my room and started crying and even thought about killing myself for a moment. Now the water's back on, I'm fucking laying here sending this Tumblr ask instead of going to do it when all I have to do is stand for an hour at a sink. Like yeah, I get dizzy AF but I've never actually passed out. And even if I do, this woman fucking houses me when she doesn't have to and I don't even do a few chores

Sometimes I think her life would be so much better without me in it but then I remember it's selfish of me to die and I think it'd just be better if I didn't exist in the first place. I want to tell her I'm so sorry for being here but that would sound like a guilt trip and I'd be a horrible person for that

this is internalized hate.

anon, you deserve to exist, I can promise you that. I’m terrible at giving advice, so I’ll just say that this sounds like something you should go to a professional about

🫂

[this-is-internalized-hate]

I hate my responses and thought processes. I hate how I'm not even sure I'd be the same person without them as they affect so much of me. I hate how I feel the need to make myself appear as non threatening as possible and metaphorically lay on the floor when the situation absolutely does not call for it. I hate how I expect people I love to hurt me and just accept that when they would never do it. I hate how I apologise for every thing I possibly conceivably hypothetically could have done out of reflex. I hate that I can't assume every interaction will go okay unless it has reason not to. I hate that I instinctively think the inverse.

(sorry if anything in this ask breaks the blog rules)

this is very much internalized hate

don’t worry anon! No rules broken!

[this-is-internalized-hate]

I have dreams about calorie counting and worrying about my clothes not fitting despite trying my best to deprogram myself from diet culture.

This is internalized hate and internalized fat phobia

[this-is-seizurism]

The goal of this account is to spread seizure awareness, education, ableism/discrimination of them.

Please feel free to send in asks regarding your experience with seizures and they will be responded to.

This account does take inspiration from those such as @this-is-ableism @thisisparamisia @this-is-audism and all the others that are out there.

Seizures can occur for many different reasons and this account does not discriminate on the reasoning

I’ll be adding links to my educational posts here as they are created.

What is a seizure

Seizure triggers

[this-is-internalized-hate]

Yall! Go check this person out.

[this-is-internalized-hate]

using a cane in school and expecting someone to make a comment about it and no one does. even the people who you Know are Mean. whats happening why isnt anyone doing anything this is scary

This is internalized ablism and internalized hate.

I understand you anon! When I told basically my whole friend group I had auDhd, I was expecting to be scorned, but instead everyone was supportive!

[sidedere]

being autistic is noticing everyone treats you like an inferior and you thinking you deserve it for being too weird

[this-is-internalized-hate]

this is internalized hate

[this-is-ableism]

im fortunate to have no experienced much ablism in real-life confrontations. but im realizing through this blog that ive internalized a shit-ton of ablism indirectly through media.

the thing that recently got me thinking about this was the anon who mentioned being told not to make an accommodation request because abled people would be "jealous."

i've never had that interaction with someone, but holy shit i do that to myself. i tell myself not to make accommodations for fear out of people being jealous. i am the most ableist person in my life to myself. i need to unlearn so much shame, i need to crack through these restraints ive put on myself. and every day i just learn more and more that ive internalized against myself

this is internalised ableism.

[this-is-internalized-hate]

internalised hate is me telling myself im a cruel and evil person for rejecting someone because im arospec

this is internalized aphobia

as an aroace myself, you are *not* in the wrong, anon

[this-is-internalized-hate]

Seeing one of those “I’m not taking the gay stairs” memes and feeling the internalised homophobia come back. :(

this is internalized and outside homophobia. Those memes shouldn’t exist in the first place

[this-is-internalized-hate]

(anon uses they/xey)

almost breaking down over my homework because I Should Be Better at this. i can complete only a single worksheet in a (weekend) day and it feels like walking through tar. i have such a backlog of homework and it only serves to make me feel pathetic and worthless.

i cant wait to graduate because i function so much better outside of school

this is internalized hate.

i totally relate, anon. School sucks. I’ve always had trouble keeping up with homework, but I know you can do it! Sometimes, your brain just can’t brain, and its good to take a step back.

[this-is-saneism]

Internalized saneism is not believing that anyone could ever love me, care for me, appreciate me or even be interested in me. And of someone tried to do any of that, it would probably just hurt us both.

This is internalized saneism.

[this-is-internalized-hate]

ok edited that intro post a bit, it wasn’t very good.