Once again I got injured in a way that let me put in context Silas' pain. First a few months ago I burned my thigh and it was pretty bad but then for a long while it would hurt when I'd walk and it was the same general area where Silas would wear a cilice. So I couldn't help but think about it all the time.
Now (and I know that it's not at all comparable, but my sister's can slashed into my back trying to run away from her bath and got stuck into my skin at 2 different places and wow it hurts, and it's just small scratches but just existing hurts but yeah, having something like clothes or sitting against something is really not fun. It did happened just 30 min ago so I suppose that I won't feel it much in a bit, but imagine now how he did slashed his own back to the blood in a way that the nun could see it from way further away and he did it at least twice during the events of the book, but certainly he used to do it before too, as he seems used to it, you know.
So I imagine having both of those pains at once, plus the psychological trauma of being back in France after everything he lived there and also being forced into killing people, even if he was not displeased by the idea, he was certainly still very tense. And then he was also bound and folded and left to lay and being thrown around for easily 6-12h. And then after all this he also had to run from the police, half killed his only friend and learned that he was betrayed, that he did all this for nothing and only caused issues and then also got shot and bled to death in like -2°C in some wet grass while half naked.
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