50 Reasons Burrito is a Better Significant Other Than You
Burrito always listens to you.
Burrito doesn’t get angry.
Burrito can always satisfy their partner.
If burrito can’t satisfy, burrito doesn’t cause drama.
Burrito doesn’t complain if you have to get rid of burrito.
Burrito won’t get upset if you don’t call burrito.
Burrito won’t leave you unless you want it to.
Burrito won’t hurt you. Emotionally anyway.
Burrito will never lie to you.
Burrito won’t tell you burrito loves you and not mean it.
Burrito won’t get upset if you decide you want other foods.
Burrito can’t get pregnant, and can’t get you pregnant.
You never need to impress burrito.
Burrito will never put you down.
If burrito is not warm, you can put burrito in the microwave.
Burrito will never pressure you into doing things you don’t want to.
If you get hungry, you can eat burrito without legal consequences.
Burrito understands if you don’t want to swallow.
Burrito is delicious enough for you to want to swallow.
Burrito won’t make you see shows/movies you don’t like.
Burrito embraces your musical tastes.
Burrito loves you exactly the way you are.
Burrito won’t make a mess of your house.
Burrito never shows up uninvited.
Burrito lets you watch the shows you wanna see.
Burrito won’t pressure you into getting married.
Burrito won’t pressure you into having kids.
Burrito won’t use up all the hot water in the shower.
Burrito won’t steal all the covers in bed.
Burrito has no strong opinions on pets.
Burrito accepts your religious views.
Burrito encourages your self-expression.
Burrito doesn’t complain about your life choices.
Burrito never forgets your birthday.
Burrito accepts whatever you choose to do for your birthday.
Burrito doesn’t mind that you don’t celebrate burrito’s birthday.
Burrito will never misgender you.
Burrito accepts your sex drive, no matter what.
Burrito won’t make inappropriate comments in front of your parents.
Burrito won’t go into the woods with your best friend, take drugs, and cheat on you.
Burrito will never question Stephen Fry.
Burrito understands if you don’t want to say “I love you.”
Burrito never judges a book by its cover.
Burrito understands how you feel about Joaquin Phoenix.
Burrito understands how you feel about Hugh Jackman.
Burrito understands how you feel about Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
Burrito won’t complain if you set it aside for other entertainment.
Burrito won’t look down on you for preferring tea over coffee (or vice versa).
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