whateverforever

lol

[autoneurotic]

do u ever remember all the horrible offensve things u said when u were like 15 and u literally feel ur soul detach and turn 2 dust 

[icbiwf]

your fave is problematic: yourself

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

Basically, yeah. That’s kind of the point – you always have to look back on yourself and be mortified and resolve to be better. Shit, the stuff I said just five YEARS ago (and I’m almost 33) makes me cringe like a motherfucker. Burn in mortification. Rise from the ashes and be better. Lather, rinse, repeat for the rest of your life.

[kieren-fucking-walker]

This is why purity culture doesn’t work!!! We’re all shit! We can all grow and do better!

[thatisrad]

You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum. 

[girlsfrommars]

Im sorry he wrote a fucking what

[dwight-schrutes]

me at job interviews 

[scaliepost-generator]

Inflation is honestly the strangest shit. Like someone rn is thinking of getting blown up like a balloon and they’ve got a boner.

[targuzzler-deactivated20180224]

i thought this was about economics at first and that second sentence hit me like a freight train

[boytaurus-blog-deactivated20180]

shit white people say after sex 

thank you 

thats was good 

is there any gogurts left 

thanks 

do u think ikea is still open

[sotomar]

My anaconda will consider it

[jnacho]

[surprisebitch]

she livin in 2025 while we livin in 2018

[knifejuice]

and your mandatory mystery ingredients are: bong water, canned vienna sausages, dryer lint, and a copy of Garfield the tale of two kitties

thirty minutes on the clock, and your time. starts. now

[luckyluxbaby-deactivated2018090]

Me

[memes-and-relatableschemes]

The way he stuffs them in his mouth 💀

[memes-and-relatableschemes]

Mood

[cheaphalloweencostume]

I was asking myself just now why they have “16 and pregnant” but not “16 and impregnated a girl” but I realized it would be pretty boring to watch a 16 year old boy play video games and go to school and live life as normal

[eclaire89]

Whoop there it is

[grumpy-radfem]

also:

[themanicpixiedreamgrrrl]

[teenscoolest]

[vladtheunfollower]

every woman is out of every man’s league actually

[jamesroach]

4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy

[gaypriori]

I lost it at “2 bread”

[shownumetal]

1 gallon of regular chocolate

[watchthelightfade]

18 minutes of flour

[whitestonelovers]

5 plates of salt

[yakuza7]

2 inches of water

[evilrashida]

this is the funniest shit I’ve seen in a while

[flabberdabbergasted]

you didn’t even include the funniest part

[baka-dot-exe]

P͓͓̗͇̙͚̪̮͈̼̬͕̜̦̠̬͝Ḙ̡͇̣̞̦͓̩͖͎̫̥͚̭͉̰͝E̢̡̟̠̼͚̬̰͞ ̖̩̮̪̕͢͟Y̸̶̢̼̗̘͕̭̦̻̮̟̹͓̟̯̥̗͜O̧̻̹̫̬͕͇̝͕̳͈̳͇͓̼̪̬͘U̶̡̧̜̱̖̙̩̣͚͚̹̹̜̮͎̬̕R͎̝̭͇͕̘͇̱̗͟͝ͅ ̸̬̠̱̦̫̙̺̤̜̥͈͚͇̭̪̝̣͝Ṕ̡̬̫͖͎͔͕͕͎A̡̤̜̥͇̤͔͖N̶̸̵̻͙͙̮̮̱̪̯̟̼̭͚̞̠̘̭̼͟͝T͏̻̝̳̪͚ͅS̨̀͏͍̱̬̣̖͈̲ͅ

[oomshi]

[xeppeli]

It makes me happy knowing that we have an entire subgroup of twitter users that prepare some freshly cut pinapple for their significant other before they visit. This is very sweet.