The heart is just a muscle.

Lorna. A minor. Aromantic. Casualty/Holby obsessed (seriously, my friends are scared). This is what I mainly post about/follow/reblog. I write a bit of fanfiction on wattpad, my username is Thiscrazybrain, feel free to have a look! I love to read, especially YA dystopia, but anything really. 

[niftyalways-deactivated20220520]

Written in its truest form!

Source : Pinterest

[thiscrazybrain]

We have time - News (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/1129728235-we-have-time-news?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=Thiscrazybrain&wp_originator=%2FYQY7ACcCW4eXBvlPrsHXZoOq02mnAWL5c51f5xbDmnUw37Hy96VOkv2BlHzE5ljXfCvt4JOrEXaelafXTwWi3SrmcdTmNmI1UtDi8pZUq8kBLO2htXkRR4ThvaswHWK 

Chapter three up now!! Sorry it took so long, I got ill. I plan to get it up on AO3 soon too. Fenisha finds out about Lev's death and gets her own prognosis. 

[elvenmoonbeam]

you are not just you

you are a collection of the stories you've read and the night skies you've admired. you are the smiles you've given to strangers and the tears you've lost on your pillows. you are the lives you've touched. you are a mixture of cosmic stardust and earth. you are a descendent of nomads and sailors. you are the flowers you've received and the plants you've watered. you are the adventures you've had and will have. you are your imagination and anticipation. you are not simple. you are a complex yet magnificent product of the life you have lived so far.

[thiscrazybrain]

How is love just one word? Like, I love my family, my friends, school, books (to the point of obsession), cake and the colour of the sky against the trees in mid-summer. But I love them all in such different ways, they are such different feelings.

And, that is (apparently) completely different to how people love romantically. I mean, I wouldn't know since even imagining that makes me feel sick. I hate that the love I feel is classed as the same as romantic love, yet simultaneously less than. It isn't the same thing,but they get lumped together, despite how they feel almost like opposites in my head. We need romantic love to stop being the default. To stop being the immidiate connotation of a word that means so much.

[filmnoirsbian]

Something needs to be done about teachers who hate kids tbh

[overcaffeinated-aro]

yall the point of aros speaking out about amatonormativity is not to shame you for wanting a romantic relationship. it’s not to shame you for having a romantic relationship be an important goal or milestone for you

it’s simply to say that specifically a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is not wanted by all, and should not be an expectation for all or even most in our society. it should not be a legally incentivized status, it’s frustrating when it’s the only thing people talk about regarding your favorite media, and removing even a single word from the definition creates a type of relationship that is heavily scrutinized

it’s ok to want that kind of relationship. however I also think it’s important to think about why. if it’s something you want simply because it’s expected, because you don’t know what else you’d do or what your life would look like without it.. maybe that’s something to explore. and if you determine that it’s something you truly want. that’s ok

[plathsbitch]

I am not the main character and I am not a side character. I am that character that just needs one more push, one more tragedy, to become the villain.

[poetryofmuses]

What happened to the eleven year old me who would read 27 books per month? I seriously want her back!

[lonelier-version-of-you]

oh my god oh my fucking god.

sorry. it’s just occurred to me that it’s now sunday which means henrik hanssen is going to die the day after tomorrow and i’m not ready, i’m really really not ready :( :(

[thiscrazybrain]

Still kinda pretending it won't happen, because I'm going to be upset (like more than is rational considering he doesn't exist) so I may as well let myself hope, just for now.

[thiscrazybrain]

Jac Fanfic?

Concept: Jonny, having split up with Stacey, turns up with Emma in Holby. With Jac’s tumour, he had decided that Jac needed to spent time with Emma, whilst she still could. She’s always been stubborn, but she will eventually have to accept help, and Jonny can see she isn’t coping. Might speed up the stent trial too. I don’t know if too much has happened between them, but I hope a relationship still might work, or at least the kind of sticky mess they call their history together. 

Anyone interested?

[thiscrazybrain]

We have time (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/story/282197690-we-have-time?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_myworks&wp_uname=Thiscrazybrain&wp_originator=%2F7F2ACdibU8iGZV%2BeWddxe5FC%2BoGtGdtkKEGhHln3jOCZPFxPdsxCBR3y1NRysm7N7kpxmB3ZT1dHkAWAT4nsYCrmRFaXHarzihyA1t1Q9Q2uyjQ7NI2ZddYEiNx4lJS Fenisha was lying in the ED, after the crash. Ethan looked at her, the blood, the tubes the leaking heart that looks as if it will never start again. He couldn't bear it any more. 'Stop,' he finally managed to choke out through the pain that was crushing him 'please, stop.' Except, he didn't. He loved her too much to let her go. He knew there was surgeons upstairs, who might be able to fix her, and he would try anything, just to give her one more chance. So maybe, just maybe, they would have the life they could have had, the life they had just had back.

Just got up chapter 2! I know it’s too late, but I figured, better to write it than not.

[thiscrazybrain]

I spent months, literal months ranting to anyone who would listen (and even those who wouldn't) about Jac's exit. If you asked me then, I would do anything to have Jac back, BUT I DIDN'T WANT THIS! Her leaving was a bit rubbish, but we don't want to see her die slowly. I hate to say this, but I'm not sure why Rosie even came back,with a storyline like this.

[theenbyroiderer]

Amatonormativity =  the assumption that an exclusive romantic relationship is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is superior to all others. I.e. finding a romantic partner is seen as the major life goal, and other close relationships are given less value.

[morally-grey-ace]

When I was younger,

I told everyone that

I would never fall in love.

Adults all laughed

And smiled knowingly.

“Just wait ‘til you’re older,”

They would say

“You’ll change your tune.”

But I didn’t.

And I won’t.

They don’t laugh anymore

When I say that

I don’t want to get married.

They exchange worried glances

As though there is something wrong with me.

As though I am broken.

But I am not broken.

In fact, I am

Completely whole

All by myself.

[arosuggestions]

We’re not “just friends,” we’re friends. 

Stop defining friendship as less than romance. Stop defining romance as better than friendship. 

Friendship is enough, friendship is beautiful and fulfilling and good. Friendship isn’t less than. No type of relationship is better than another. 

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Gah, I keep trying to put this into words, but I can never seem to make it coherent (and also I worry about coming off as rude about it, or like I’m deliberately targeting anyone - which isn’t what I’m trying to do at all), but… I really don’t like how some people in the Holby fandom act like Henrik’s bisexuality isn’t canon unless he has a kiss or an on-screen romance or an explicit love confession with a man?

Like, I would love to see those things as much as the next person. But we’ve never actually seen Henrik have any of that with a woman, either.

So IMO it’s not the same situation as a character like Jac or Connie, who have had lots of on-screen relationships and kisses etc. with men but their attraction to women is kept only as subtext. In their cases, there’s an unfair imbalance.

But with Henrik, most of his relationships and attraction in general are technically-deniable subtext anyway (except for Maja, but all the others - Sahira, Carole, and yes, even Roxanna, it’s perfectly possible to interpret his feelings for Roxanna platonically if you really want to - are).

So I just… don’t see why his attraction to men is held to a higher standard of “proof” than his attraction to women is. Especially when we’ve even had the literal producer of the show liking tweets that say certain scenes that reference Henrik being bisexual are, indeed, about Henrik being bisexual. Like, it’s not even the producer liking tweets about Henrik being bi in general that we’re talking about here. That could just be taken as approving of a headcanon. But when he’s liking tweets that say specific scenes are about Henrik being bi… how is anyone supposed to take that if not “yes, this scene is about Henrik being bi”? The producer of all people would know what the intent is.

Criticising the handling of Henrik’s canon queerness is fine. I have issues with it too. But it seems really odd to me to just straight up say it’s not canon at all.

Idk, I’m tired. I’ll probably really hate myself for posting this later. Kind of hate myself for even typing it now tbh, I’m probably being completely wrong and horrible and worthless and stupid, like always. Feel free to reply to this or send an ask and tell me what a worthless person I am. I’m sorry for even posting this. I know it’s stupid and I know I’m wrong and I know I shouldn’t even be posting it in the first place. I’m sorry.

[thiscrazybrain]

No need to apologise, I totally agree. Some people pick up on suggested straight relationships, but not others, because they have been programmed to assume someone is straight unless proved otherwise. Henrik's bisexuality always seemed obvious, and it was only recently that I realised that some people contested it. Also, I don’t really know you, but from what I've seen of your blog, you seem great. You aren't horrible or worthlessness or stupid, although I know all to well that sometimes it's hard to see yourself in a positive light. You are your own worst critic.

[thiscrazybrain]

The return has to be off Darwin. If Chloe's leaving, then Eli will be left to manage a whole ward alone. Nikki?? Or perhaps Connie could be roped in to sort Jac out.