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Breaking: The statue at the corner of 7th and Chester Streets, "Our Lady Of The Immaculate Fix," which was commissioned and donated by then-United States Poet Laureate William Lee in 1993, has been Circus Bombed.

#this is arkopolis

For over 20 years, a particular billboard has been a constant element of the commute into Arkopolis along I-30N. Other than a few dedicated members of the local Sub Genius cult who honk each time they pass, the billboard that asks “Are you ready to meet Bob?” has been along the interstate for so long that many motorists simply ignore it. Until this morning, that is. A new billboard seemingly appeared overnight on the opposite side of the interstate encouraging passersby to “…please just call Bob.” Arkopolis Billboard & Searchlight Company has declined to comment as to the identity of the person or persons behind the billboards. Who is Bob? Why is he relying on an antiquated form of advertisement to meet new people? And if the new sign was commissioned by someone other than Bob, why don’t they just call him themselves? More on this story as it develops.

Have any of our readers ever called Bob? We want to talk to you!

#this is arkopolis #are you ready to meet bob #billboards

Arkopolis City Hall has published an official Public Notice:

Not that it will make any difference, but we would like to notify citizens that due to popular demand the Existential Crisis Hotline has been reinstated. Each citizen of Arkopolis is required to undergo bi-annual existential crises. You will be contacted telepathically by City Hall between the hours of 11 p.m. and 2 a.m. when your scheduled crisis is set to begin, usually in the form of crippling self-doubt or guilt. Anyone currently in need of comfort during this difficult time is encouraged to stop being such a baby and look up the number for the hotline.

#this is arkopolis

Lots of towns have a place they call "gravity hill," where cars are said to drift uphill rather than downhill. This photo, taken in 1923, shows why the old Arkopolis Gravity Hill from which modern-day Hill Crest gets its name, is truly unique. Henri de la Roux -- or "Ol' Onry" as the local residents used to call him -- was reported in the Arkopolis Times to have cried out, "Somebody get me down from here or a plague of winged beasts shall feed on your firstborns!" No wreckage was ever found, so the car was presumed to have either floated off into space or gotten stuck in a tree somewhere. Records show a number of prominent Hill Crest families fled across the river to live in the luxury of Old Argenta soon after this event, leaving behind those who could not afford to defect north. The irony, of course, is that three years later those families who moved were lost in the tragedy that beset Argenta at the hands of the Owl Parliament. Did the ghost of Ol' Onry finally have his revenge?‪

#this is arkopolis #remember argenta #gravity hill #Hill Crest

Snow is time and space, frozen. Snow absorbs sound, deafening us. It reflects light, blinding us. There is a Beast that follows the snow, and, having been robbed of our senses, we are its easy prey. We don't hibernate like other animals. For months it's just us alone with our humanity walking around in the temporarily dead landscape being stalked from the tree line by The Beast that feeds upon our happiness and revels in our long dark tea time of the soul. To keep The Beast away, we instinctively surround ourselves with objects of light and life. Milk and eggs, obvious symbols of the Cosmic Mother of Creation. Sun-dappled wheat to invoke the protection of the divine masculine. Milk, eggs, and bread are a ward against evil. Woe to the ones who are caught without.

#snowpocolypse2016 #this is arkopolis

Arkopolis City Hall has published an official Public Notice: The old air raid sirens have been reprogrammed using new “binaural beat” technology to transmit sounds that will temporarily decrease activity in the left hemisphere of the brain. This decrease in activity will produce feelings of calm, relaxation, and suggestibility. Citizens are advised not to operate motor vehicles or heavy equipment at noon on Wednesdays.

#this is arkopolis

From Arkopolis Times. A week late, sorry :/

This Day In History: Relaxin' Steve born, 1883

Steven Wilcomb (b. Jan. 15, 1883, Arkopolis d. September 29, 1932, Hot Spring), also known as Relaxin’ Steve, was the leader of the infamous Ten-Gallon Gang. As early as 1897 the gang was known to have a stringent uniform policy, which required that members wear ten-gallon hats without exception, but after making a name for themselves with a number of high-profile train robberies they became more lenient and began to allow members to wear any style of hat. Indeed, Relaxin’ Steve, the youngest known gang leader of the era, was so laid back about the policy that he often was seen wearing no hat at all. The gang is pictured here at the entrance of the Arch Street Love of God Church, a front for the whiskey-running operation that kept the gang relevant after the train robbing industry tanked shortly after World War I. For more information about Wilcomb and his gang, see Ten Gallons: Running Whiskey In Arkansas For The Love Of God by Elmore Blankenship from Arkopolis Historical Society Press. ‪#‎ThisIsArkopolis‬

#this is arkopolis

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