This Is Me.

If you don't like it, not my problem.

[thisisjopb]

A year.

I forgot what was the exact date, but it was around this time, sometime last year when it started. I don't know if it is because of that. The timing. It was the same month last year. Maybe that's why I am having all of these feels since the start of the month? I hope this will not go the whole first quarter of this year. I'll be doomed. I miss him. Yeah. I kinda miss him. But I still think it has something to do with the month, the "anniversary" of the life event that changed my life. I miss him. But not the miss that I would wanted to see him. Maybe the right words are, "I miss us." I miss the happy moments. I miss the times when we were together. I miss the feeling of happiness and love whenever I am with him, whenever We're together. I miss the good times with his family. I miss him. I miss him so much. I miss him terribly. I miss the half of yang. I thought I have moved on. Maybe I did. But why am I still feeling this? Siguro talaga dala to ng isang taon nang nakalipas simula nung nangyari yun. Kapag naiisip ko yun, bumabalik ang sakit. Lahat ng iniyak ko. Lahat ng sama ng loob. Bumabalik. I don't love him anymore. Matagal ng wala yun. Sigurado ako dun. Namimiss ko lang talaga sya ng sobra. Yung presence nya. Wala kong mapagsabihan nito kaya dito ko na lang ibubuhos. Kaya napakalungkot lang. Yung sepanx ko sa kanya at sa pamilya nya bumabalik. Sana talaga dala lang to ng timing ng buwan. Napakalungkot talaga. Sobrang lungkot. 😔😞😢

[thisisjopb]

Ang lungkot.

Sobrang lungkot. Gusto kong umiyak. Gusto kong umiyak. Ang bigat bigat sa dibdib. Gusto kong umiyak. Yung madaming madaming iyak. Gusto ko ilabas lahat ng sama ng loob nanararamdaman ko na hindi ko alam kung bakit ko pa din nararamdaman hanggang ngayon. Ang sakit sakit pa din kapag naalala ko. Ang lakas pa din ng hatak ng sepanx. Sobrang lungkot. Nakakadepress. Sobra, sobra, sobrang lungkot. Gusto ko talagang umiyak. Pero hindi ako maiyak. 😢😫

[badlydrawneverything]

[thisisjopb]

Feels.

Sepanx. A little bit. Still

[thisisjopb]

FriendZone II

It's starting to sink in. And it hurts. Disappointment at its worst. God it really hurts! 😔😞😢

[thisisjopb]

FriendZone

#RyanBang haaayyy...😔

[thisisjopb]

I'd start over again with you #RyanBang. 🍀

[thisisjopb]

Papansin pa more.

FB status post: "What to do on a Saturday when you just woke up, hungry and would probably be awake till 4am the next day? #nightshifterdilemma #anogimiknyo? #samanyoako #taratambaytayo lol. 😝😁"

[thisisjopb]

Papansin.

I don't know what will I do anymore to make you notice me.

[thisisjopb]

Can't stop.

"...thinking about you. I can't get you off my mind. No I can't stop thinking about you, I'm thinking about you all the time." - Hanson

[thisisjopb]

Hope.

Hoping that we’ll still end up together.

Hold my hand. Laugh and just be happy. I always think about you, just like the old days. I’ve been wanting to talk to you again, but it seems that you’ve lost interest on me again, after a recent couple of “dates” and chats that we had just months ago, just like the old days too.

I think during the times that we haven’t talk and seen each other, my fondness of you was just hidden somewhere in my heart and not loss. If it did, then I won’t be having the same dilemma I had when we we’re in high school and college, just like now. It’s kind of a little different from before though, cuz I know now how to control myself when it comes to you. More likely, maybe I’m just too scared to be running upfront because I don’t want to be dumped and ending up being hurt again, by you.

I still like you though. (Yeah, I’m consistent and persistent like that.) And I think I like you even more. Its just that, I’m not the same girl anymore who swoons on his crush and will do anything just to get close and talk to him, but rather, I am now a woman who has her pride intact that knows she shouldn’t be taken for granted. That if a man likes her, he should be the one making the first move, and will let her know, by any means, of how much he likes and probably loves her.

But then again it is you that we’re talking about. (Sigh)

Then I just realized, this is the first time in years that I am writing again about you. Interesting huh? This just means that you have penetrated deep within my heart, mind and soul yet again.

I guess it can’t be help. I’ve been thinking a lot of you lately.

(Sigh)

I miss you.

But I’m hoping (too) that I’ll come to my senses and realize that you will never ever like me the way I do to you. That I’m just wasting my time on someone that will never ever lay his eyes on me the way I do.

Actually, maybe you like me too, but not enough to be your girl.

Sad story.

[thisisjopb]

Advice.

It’s hard to give other people advice and cheer them up when you yourself is sad and depressed with your own anxieties. 😔

[thisisjopb]

Memories.

I really miss "Ryan Bang" big time. 😔

[thisisjopb]

A.S.A

I wonder if you also think of me and secretly wants to talk and meet up again over a large cup of milk tea. 😔

[thisisjopb]

Confession.

I miss him. Terribly miss him.

[thisisjopb]

I just wanted to help.

I know I am helping, or am I? Am I crossing the line too much that other people think I have other motives whatsoever? That I will get something from this? I just really, really really wanted to help. But why do I feel like I'm the bad person here? Like I'm the "bad influence?" Maybe their right. I should have separated myself from them a long time ago. I should have broke up with them too, then maybe I'm not having this feeling right now. It just became "complicated" all of a sudden.

[thisisjopb]

Get out of my head already!

Yeah, just get the f*cking out! Both of you!