The Ask Blog of Bill @thisisnotbillciphersaskblog - Tumblr Blog

My rules? WHAT RULES! I DON'T DO RULES!

(Actually, on second thought, you flesh bags are a bunch of perverts and creeps so fine fine, lets set up some ground rules) If you don't know who I am, well you're in luck champ! I'm gonna tell you exactly who I am, your new OVERLORD OF THE UNIVERSE AND GOD!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! bUT you can call me Bill Cipher! Because that's my name you dummy! I'm currently trapped in therapy after some no-life-loser ruined my plan of liberating you all, so thank him for causing what's happening in the world right now. If it were me in charge, you'd all be partying like it's 1980-something and you just found out what psychedelics are!

So, now onto some ground rules for you puny mortal brains to follow; 1. Don't send me your weird fleshy human crotch bits, those are design flaws and I do not want them anywhere near me............Unless your name is Stanford 'Filbrick' Pines and you have six fingers, then you can. Fordsy I know you will find this somehow!! (No NSFW asks or RP requests unless we are mutuals and you are above the age of 20)

2. Be patient, I got like 20 minutes per day that I can access this barely working computer and Toothy isn't all that good at distracting the pigs, so if I don't pay you attention right away, maybe take a chill pill and go rest up in the solitary wellness void for a couple of hours. I'm sure that won't give you any more lasting trauma. (...idk how more obvious I can make this point, be patient as said. UPDATED: I will purposely not answer certain asks until certain things happen to keep up with the story me and Caine-writer are building on)

3. If you rat me out to the pigs running the Theraprism, I will make sure you are the first to die once I- Oh wait, I can actually see that you will die from a potato chip. Man, it's so embarrassing for you, you'll be laying all broken on the street after I run you over with my car and as you're dying the potato chip will get stuck in your bloody broken throat and it's gonna kill you! HAHAHAHAHA, WHAT A PATHETIC DEATH! Good thing you can avoid it by not telling big frilly about this all! (In case of this blog being deleted by Theraprism staff, follow my bunk 'buddy'. For some reason staff likes him way more than me...Monsters)

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW FOLKS! NOW COME OFFER ME YOUR MORTAL FLESH FOR THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFE TIME

#ask blog #rp blog #blog rules #introduction #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

thisisnotbillciphersaskblog

Would you mind being given a relaxing massage and wrapped in a soft blanket and maybe given something tasty? 💖I think you deserve better than what these fucking sick assholes in this teraprism are giving you

OF COURSE I WOULDN'T MIND THAT! NOW GIVE ME IT ALL, PERSON WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT TRIANGLE AS THEIR PHOTO!!

jayjay667

@thisisnotbillciphersaskblog

thisisnotbillciphersaskblog

NO ONE TALK TO ME FOR A WHILE, PAPA NEEDS TO GET HIS ANGLES STRETCHED, BRICKS PAMPERED AND EYELIDS RUBBED.

SMELL YA LATER SUCKERS, TIME FOR THE TREATMENT I DESERVE HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

#the one and only triangle to rule them all

So, Bill, you mentioned your henchmaniacs must be weird… but with so many different dimensions, how do you even classify weird? Is it relevant to the dimension they originated from? And- what about humans? Humans can be considered weird by other humans for a myriad of reasons (we’re good at that), but what makes a human truly weird?

Let's get one thing straight! What humans consider weird is B O R I N G! You can't even do being hateful correctly! The reasons you humans outcast one another are banal, completely unimportant, very unimaginative, extremely uncreative, uninspired to the max, and TO MAKE IT A POINT ONCE MORE JUST SO DAMN BORING! I mean, genuinely! Let's think this one through! YOU ALL LIVE SAD PATHETIC LIVES THAT ARE MORE COMPARABLE TO ANTS THAN HIGHER BEINGS HIDING AWAY FROM YOU. This is all to say that, interdimensional prejudice would be so incomprehensible to your mortal minds that if I tried explaining it, YOU'D BLOW UP! The one main thing with weirdness is that YOU CAN'T CLASSIFY IT! This isn't one of those nerd concepts that philosophers sit around and study! (THEY TRIED, I CAME TO ANCIENT GREEK PHILOSOPHERS AND THEY ALL ENDED UP GOING INSANE AFTER I LET THEM FIGURE IT OUT) So, what do I use to judge the weirdness of not-human beings like my Ex-Maniacs? To not melt you neurons, I'll give a few examples; - Do you eat pizza with a sprinkling of time dilution or with quantum sauce? - Do you snort your coffee or do you inject it into your thinking-hole? - When was the last time you ate a planet just for the sick thrill of it? Now onto the second part of your question, what makes a human, TRULY WEIRD? I think there is no better time to talk about the two human freaks you guys, A R E V E R Y F A M I L I A R W I T H; SO PLEASE STEP ON THE STAGE, SHOOTING STAR AND SI- [THE REST OF THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN REDACTED AND CUT FOR THE PRIVACY AND PROTECTION OF PEOPLE INVOLVED WITH PATIENT #323322 - THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING]

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

I'm sure Toothy told you about the fun adventures he sent his humans on. What fun adventure would you design for the Pines Family if you were the ringmaster and they were in the circus?

This is how those adventures work, right? I'M SURE I DIDN'T MISS ANYTHING WHEN HE WAS EXPLAINING THEM TO ME.

#the family which caused the fall #the one and only triangle to rule them all #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au #billford

What qualities do you look for in a henchman?

THE QUALITIES OF A HENCHMANIAC; - Be an interdimensional criminal! What's the fun of having a Henchmaniac who won't break laws?! (If you aren't one yet but willing to be one, I might give you a pass on this one) - Be a weirdo! A FREAK! BALLS TO THE WALLS BONKERS! If you're "normal" YOU ARE BORING! BORING PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO PARTY! - Be willing to give your life to me and cut contact with your entire past! YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE HOLDING YOU BACK, GIVE YOUR LIFE TO ME! - Don't die during the fight to the death with your other applicants in the WackDonald's Ball Pit (THIS ONE IS REALLY IMPORTANT. IF YOU DIE, YOU ARE WEAK AND I CAN'T HAVE WEAKLINGS NEXT TO ME) - Don't a be a dick. I mean seriously, if you're racist or sexist or homophobic/transphobic or whatever else, you are UNCOOL, MAIDENLESS, THE BIGGEST MORON OF ALL, AND WORST OF ALL, NOT FIT TO BE A HENCHMANIAC. THE DIFFERENCES WE HAVE IS WHAT MAKES US BETTER THAN THE 'NORMAL' FOLK. SO EITHER GET WITH IT, OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT.(Hate against the entire human population as a whole is fine though) - Bring doughnuts to the weekly meetings. If you can't bring them, you obviously aren't following the first point of being a criminal BECAUSE WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONEY ON YOU?! STEAL THEM, YOU IDIOT! And get me the one with the pudding filling...The Vanilla one, yeah that one. No it needs to have the chocolate and rainbow sprinkles on it. They don't have those? Well, tell THEM to make some, the meeting can wait.

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

Why are all your photos blurry? Caines photos look fine. Are you radioactive, perchance?

as for soul payment, I already gave mine to someone else, but I found a chrysalis in my yard and I’m pretty sure bugs have souls, you you can have that.

ALSO, HAH, YOU THINK THESE ARE PHOTOS? THESE ARE DIGITAL PROJECTIONS SO YOUR EVER-ROTTING BRAIN MUSH DOESN'T GET BORED OF JUST READING TEXT!

And NO! NON-THINKING BEINGS HAVE NO SOULS, THAT'S WHY THEY ARE SUPERIOR AND COOLER THAN YOU HUMANS IN EVERY WAY! That pet you love so much? NO SOUL. INSTEAD, WHEN THEY DIE THEY GO TO AN EVERLASTING PARTY PLACE IN DIMENSION 560>" WHERE THEY TALK SHIT ABOUT HOW DUMB YOU ARE!

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

You sure seem obsessed with stealing peoples bodies. Got a problem with yours?

I think some of you have an issue with understanding the WHY of things I do, so let me put it as plainly as possible; YOU HUMANS ARE PUPPETS AT BEST, PESTS WHO NEEDS TO BE EXTINGUISHED AT WORST. THE WIDER MULTIVERSE CLASSIFIES YOU AS A 'PROTECTED LIFE FORM' ONLY BECAUSE YOU ARE UNDERDEVELOPED AND AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOD CHAIN. YOUR ONLY "ACCOMPLISHMENT", THAT BEING LIVING ON THE DISAPPOINTMENT BALL THAT IS RIGHT AT THE WEAK SPOT BETWEEN DIMENSIONS, WAS A COINCIDENCE. A COIN FLIP. A ROLL OF THE DICE. SO GET OVER YOURSELF. MY BODY IS PERFECT. YOURS IS MADE OF MISTAKES.

(Ford if you are reading this, your body is the only perfect one, NOW ANSWER MY CALLS FORDSY, I WON'T STOP WASTING MY ONE-A-WEEK-CALL ON YOU SO JUST ANSWER, YOU PRICK)

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

OF COURSE I WOULDN'T MIND THAT! NOW GIVE ME IT ALL, PERSON WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT TRIANGLE AS THEIR PHOTO!!

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

Do you know a guy named Discord ? And if not, what about Chrysalis, Tirek and Cozy Glow ? Are they in here too ?

QUESTION TIMEOUT FOR YOU SPECIFICALLY!

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

Could you cheer up your buddy a little? Someone asked him something about a "Circus" and "Humans" and he seemed a little sad about it.

Gave him a scratch behind the eyes, told him to "Cheer up!" and made him a little cardboard three dimensional artwork since he was sooooo "BUMMED OUT" about dumb mortals.

As your most merciful overlord-to-be, lemme give you ALL a lil tip! If you don't want the guy GLITCHING THE FUCK OUT anytime soon, maybe don't push his buttons!

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #teeth and triangles doing therapy #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

the-ask-blog-of-caine

HIIII CAINEEEE!! you’re a pretty cool guy in my opinion. but I have a few questions for you.

what toothpaste do you use? And how often do you floss? and do you have a regular sized toothbrush or a big one? dental hygiene is important. But probably a lot more important for you cause it’s your entire face, right?

They can never get me the appropriate flossing material for my specific pearly white teeth, so I need to be a bit creative with my daily teeth cleaning routine! Plus...they are banned here cause SOMEONE used MY FLOSS fOr something I cannot say cause the SOMEONE is in the ROOM RIGHT NOW! But that's all in the past now! I'm very merciful that way! Wait, what were we talking about? I FORGOT! OH WELL!

thisisnotbillciphersaskblog

I hung someone with his floss. It was funny and I don't regret it.

Putting it out there before I get poked about it.

#teeth and triangles doing therapy

A few of you seemed concerned about me after the 'GUN' incident. They took it away (alongside the brick. RIP BRICK, YOU WERE A GREAT TOOL TO HAVE). The staff doesn't SEEM to know about this blog but obviously someone higher up does...., I will need to be more careful of how I act on here and what I show.

bastards... ruining my fun. EITHER WAY. Things are going to continue as normal! I will respond to you as I have time, but right now I have to go attend 'Group Therapy'... The Beast is joining us today. I wish I still had my gun.

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #theraprism au #gravity falls

Soooooooooo how would you feel if your bunk "buddy" got moved to another room???????

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #teeth and triangles doing therapy #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

You ever try to invoke logic conflicts in your buddy Caine? Ask him to divide by zero or something like that?

......I did try asking him to think through a paradox. His answer was 'yes'.

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #teeth and triangles doing therapy #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #theraprism au #gravity falls

I have two questions for you Bill.

Number one, are you secretly using Caine’s oblivious nature to hide contraband items or escape tools in his top hat?

Number two, since Caine doesn’t understand human pain, but you thrive on it. Have you tried explaining the concept of suffering to him, or does he just think it’s a funny sound effect?

I’m curious on your dynamics.

Our dynamics are too complex for your tiny mortal brains, but I'll entertain the curiosity! As stated, SEVERAL TIMES BY NOW, we are BUDDIES. PALS. BUNK BUDDIES. His company is enjoyable enough that I teach him many important life lessons, like; IF SOMEONE BREAKS YOUR STUFF, YOU BREAK THEIR KNEECAPS. IT'S A WAY TO THANK THEM FOR SHOWING YOU THEIR STUPIDITY. THE GOVERNMENT IS LYING TO ALL OF YOU, THE ONLY GOOD GOVERNMENT IS A NONEXISTENT ONE! SWEETS ARE BREAKFAST, DENTIST HATE THIS FACT BECAUSE THEY WANT TO STEAL YOUR TEETH!

So as you see, I'm basically preparing him for life among humans, and thankfully, he is smart enough to understand that!

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #teeth and triangles doing therapy #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

Hey so you said you could give us tips ...

He's a very important question that's crucial for my existence I rly rly need to ask you trust me:

How do you draw a familiar lil guy with a teeth head and one blue one green eye, a hat and a uniform ?

Not one person you know in particular totally not caine ahah. Pls show me 🥹

This will be extremely important for my future and my life trust me

I don't even know if you know how to draw but I wanna see you try :3

Here is your tip THAT'S TOTALLY CRUCIAL FOR YOUR LIFE, now where is my trinket you are supposed to give me? Also, OF COURSE I CAN DRAW! I drew him with my left foot, that's HOW TALENTED I AM!

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #teeth and triangles doing therapy #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

Pelria f qxih fk zlab ql hbbm qeb qeboxmfpqp lcc vlro yxzh?

#the one and only triangle to rule them all #bill cipher ask blog #bill cipher rp blog #gravity falls #theraprism au

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