Starting the year right… Not only by creating this tumblr account - oh yeah I’ve always wanted to write blogs just as much as I love writing poems and songs when I was younger (winning an essay writing competition in college was my first and last though 😄 ) but I guess this could be a good start of something that I used to love doing…
Going back to the first statement (gulo ko😂) Starting the year right - it focuses more on setting my goals in life the way God has planned it. All my life, I have spent dreaming and planning things for the people I love. Dream house, secured future for my parents, siblings (oh yeah nephews and nieces counted) and myself. I have worked very hard to get everything I want… Risk my safety at times especially the time I decided to work abroad… But things didn’t turn out the way I have planned it. Broken dreams, broken relationships, broken promises, failed plans.. this is what 2015 has left me.. God broke me…
I found myself screaming inside my room, crying out loud and asking God why? Begging for His forgiveness for allowing the enemy to have an inch of control in my life. I’m reminding myself to refocus, that God had a purpose for my suffering and that he had a better plan for me. I remembered my faith and knew that He was just waiting on me. Waiting on me to ask for Him. He wants me to stop trying to live my life alone, taking care of everyone around me, avoiding any help that I might need and thinking that I could do it myself.
I was on my knees for several sleepless nights with tears streaming down my face. I humbled myself before God. I was so tired, helpless and fragile. I feared that I can no longer have the strength to go on. I can remember crying and telling God that I was sorry for my mistakes, for letting Him down…
“Lord, I am so tired. I don’t think that I can do this anymore! Please tell me what to do? What do You want to do? Help me God, please!” - This were my prayers for days, months and even years since I started to struggle with my life… God seems to be very silent..
I was reminded of His word - I need to trust Him. I need to be still and just listen to Him. God put me into this situation for a purpose and He will not allow me to suffer in vain. I am guilty of planning everything according to my own will. This is not God’s plan for me. I need to be sensitive to His grace, I need to allow Him to rule over my life..not just a part of it but every inch of it! I trust God for the right time that He will restore everything I lost.. Everything I hoped and prayed for.. I just need to trust His timing, not mine.
I do not know how to start the year right without God by my side. I completely entrust everything in His gracious hands. I’m tired, Lord… Just help me to carry on..
Sharing this poem that have left me in tears as this is what exactly I did in the past…Lord, I will just give everything to You. I am now letting go and letting You work in my life..
As children bring their broken toys,
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
But then instead of leaving Him
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back again
and cried, “How can you be so slow?”
“My child” He said, “What could I do?
janainaart
titsay
stormborns
izzy806
turnnoffyourmind
jacobvanloon
prguitarman
kaledo-art
kianamaiart
jbbartram-illu