Body & Soul
A/N: Uhhh, hi!! I've been writing since I was little, but I've never done something quite like this before, nor have I ever posted anything like this online.
Anyway! This is an Orochimaru x transmasc-nonbinary!Reader fic for @crybaby-writings, based on their post here . I hope this is okay, and I'm sorry it took me so long to post it!! Please note that Orochimaru is non-binary, so they/them pronouns are used. ****TW: descriptions of gender dysphoria, self-mutilation (maybe?), chest binding, binding too much, panic attack, allusions to human experimentation.... I think that's it, but please let me know if I need to add more!****** ~ Body & Soul, 1290 words You had been standing in front of the mirror for nearly an hour already. A deep frown was etched across your face as you stared at your body, more than displeased by what you saw.
Nothing matched. Everything was wrong. A wave of heat crashed over you. No, no, no, no, no. Your breathing came in gasps. Wrong, everything was wrong, you were wrong, your life was wrong. I can’t breathe. No, no, no, no, no, no – I can’t breathe – Your vision was tunneling; the black at the edges was creeping closer and closer to the center – you were dizzy, and hot and cold at the same time – you wanted to run, but there was nowhere to go, and you were rooted to the spot anyway. With a choked sob, you crashed to your knees on the floor. I am going to pass out. Or die. Your breathing was faster and much harder than necessary. You squeezed your eyes shut tight and wrapped the towel tighter around yourself. Your pulse was increasing rapidly – you were choking now –
Something cool moved under your hands. Your e/c eyes snapped open and you were face to face with a white snake, whose tongue was flicking over the tears that stained your face.
“Hi,” you croaked.
The snake blinked.
You cleared your throat. “Sorry. I’m fine.”
The snake reared and looked at you as if to say, you’re kidding, right?
You sighed and stroked the snake, who had draped themselves over your abdomen. “Did they send you?”
The snake hissed and nudged your chin with its head.
“Figures. They always know.” Your small smile was fond as you thought of your spouse. “Where are they?”
The snake merely stared at you.
“Lab. Right. Where else would they be?” You got up off the floor and patted the snake’s head as its lower body slid off you. “Thanks again.”
The snake blinked and slithered away.
You got dressed, opting to wear one of your spouse’s shirts (it nearly reached your knees, but you didn’t much care at this point) and an old, holey pair of pants. Comfort was what you were seeking, and you’d be damned if anyone bothered you about it.
As you walked through the long corridors of the hideout, you wondered what your spouse was working on now. They hadn’t spent much time with you over the past few weeks; you knew that they were training the Uchiha boy, but you hadn’t expected that the training would take up all of their time. The Uchiha had arrived about a year ago. His attitude made you want to slap the taste out of his mouth. However, you refrained from getting involved. You knew full well why your spouse had marked the boy, and you weren’t about to get in their way – especially since the Uchiha would ensure that you would have them with you for years to come.
You walked into the lab silently. Kabuto was looking into a microscope. Your spouse was leaning over a faceless corpse with their back to you. Neither of them looked up, but you knew that your spouse sensed your presence when their shoulders seemed to relax.
“Hello, dear.” Their voice soothed your nerves.
“Hi….” You came up behind them and rested your cheek on their back.
Their shoulders stiffened momentarily – they were working, after all – but they relaxed again a few seconds later. “What is troubling you?”
“Just….” You weren’t sure what to say. My dysphoria is so bad that I want to cut the fat bags off my chest myself. I can’t stand my hips and want to cut those off, too. While I’m at it, I’d also like to go ahead and hack off the roundness of my jaw to make it more masculine. You closed your eyes and gripped their shirt tightly.
“Kabuto, get out.” Orochimaru’s tone left no room for argument.
“Yes, Orochimaru-sama.” You heard Kabuto’s footsteps, heard the door open and close, and then there was silence.
Orochimaru backed away from the slab, prompting you to let go and move away. They disposed of their gloves, washed their hands, and then finally turned to face you.
You smiled a little. “Hi.”
“Come here.”
You walked over and immediately wrapped your arms around them, settling your head against their chest. You could hear their heartbeat, and it stopped the anxiety that was building again in its tracks.
Their arms came around you. “What is troubling you, my dear?”
“The usual,” you muttered. “It’s just… really bad today. For some reason. I don’t know why. I saw my reflection when I got out of the shower and I just….” Your voice stopped working.
Orochimaru gently tilted your head up. Your eyes met, gold against y/e/c, and they placed a cool hand against your cheek. “Growing it out?” they asked softly, referring to the y/h/c hair that was lining your jaws and upper lip.
“Yeah,” you sighed. “It’s about the only thing that helps right now.”
Their thumb stroked your cheek. “Ribs aching?”
“Yes.” Your tone was bitter. “I’ll have to stop binding completely soon, I think.” You closed your eyes. “That’s going to be awful.”
Orochimaru was quiet. Their other hand came up and was lightly tracing your ribs. When you flinched, they settled their hand on your hip and brushed their lips across your forehead. “I… am sorry that I haven’t spent much time with you lately.”
“It’s all right, I know you’re busy.” You frowned and looked up at them. They weren’t the type to offer apologies. “Orochi—”
“I have been working on something for you.” They were watching your expression carefully. “Your dysphoria has been getting worse and worse. I cannot stand by and watch you suffer any longer.”
You blinked. “Okay…?”
“When you married me, y/n….” They had a faraway look in their eyes. “I—”
“—Orochi, you don’t have to say—”
“Hush,” they said, placing a finger to your lips.
You fell silent.
“I cannot… will not… sit and watch as my spouse is destroyed by a body that does not match their soul.” Their left hand took yours, their thumb brushing over the simple band on your fourth finger. “It is my job to care for you.”
“You do,” you blurted but they arched an eyebrow and you immediately closed your mouth again.
“You are not hearing me,” Orochimaru said quietly. “I can help you. I have been working day and night in order to do so.”
You stared at them for a moment and then your gaze cut to the faceless body on the table. Not only was their no face…but there were no features at all. No hair, no marks – nothing. The body was essentially a blank canvass….
Your mind raced and put two and two together very quickly.
“That’s my body,” you whispered.
“Yes.” Orochimaru’s hand tightened around yours. “It is yours, should you want it.”
You had so many questions, but you trusted your spouse – mind, body, and soul, you trusted them and loved them – and so you looked up at them, stood on your toes, and kissed them soundly. When you parted for air, Orochimaru’s forehead was leaning against yours, his hands at your waist.
“Would you like to proceed?”
“Yes, please,” you whispered.
The corners of their mouth tilted up into a small smile.
“I love you,” you told them.
“Oh, my dear. If only you knew.” They kissed your forehead and then slid out of your arms and went to the door.
“I think I do know,” you said as you watched them.
They flashed you a toothy grin over their shoulder and then wrenched the door open. “Kabuto!” they snapped. “Get the equipment… it’s time.” ~ I 100% believe that Orochimaru would only show their soft side with their significant other (and even then, it would take a lot of time and patience to get to that point).
A/N: So uhhh... yeah. That's that. Uh, if you want more let me know? I guess I'll take requests? Idk wtf I'm doing honestly please be kind haha
