Broken glass and cigarettes

Just a girl. Nostalgia, spilled ink and after dark imaginings. Bipolar but I kinda like it.

[thistimewithoutyou]

Here we go Dancing the same dance once more Ending up in some quiet corner Just before the party dies And you say the right things The wrong things All the things I breathe you like intoxicating, dangerous fumes Stop Don't stop Don't do this to me But I know the truth I do this to me Orbiting in your gravity Like a forsaken moon And you leave Like you always leave Don't leave

[lesbianlamictal]

Mixed episodes are weird

I’m currently in a mixed episode so I thought I’d talk about it.

Some other names for mixed episodes are mixed states, or dysphoric mania.

You wouldn’t think it’d be possible to experience mania and depression at the same time but many of us diagnosed bipolar have.

It’s a strange state to be in. Feeling energised, wired, on edge, yet also feeling depressed and suicidal and a bundle of nerves. And irritable as fuck. It’s a hard state to be in and feels, well, horrible. You don’t feel comfortable in your own skin and want to crawl out of it.

I’m trying to manage it by taking my PRN and relaxing as much as I can, but it’s hard. I feel horrible and suicidal because dealing with this mood is incredibly difficult because I don’t feel at peace, I feel anxious and down. I have a psychiatrist appointment next week so we’ll see if i’m still in the episode then.

[thistimewithoutyou]

Mixed episode is like... you have so much energy, but at the same time this undeniable feeling of dread. Imagine you're in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, but you're winning, but also... it's fucking zombie apocalypse.

[lestatslestits]

Can anyone else relate

[thistimewithoutyou]

Here we are Talking like the friends I always wanted us to be Before things got strange And I think "This is nice" And the little delay of my heartbeat As you walk away Means nothing, nothing at all

[bezcilja]

For real

[thistimewithoutyou]

PSA, your 40s is when the fun begins.

[thistimewithoutyou]

The best part of bipolar is when you think you're gonna fall from hypomania to depression but it was just a small bump and actually there's MORE HYPOMANIA like, good one, brain. You had me there for a moment.

[terrorignitis]

Juansen Dizon, i am the architect of my own destruction

[thistimewithoutyou]

You're still in me

A scar that can only be seen in certain light

Today it hurts less

[thistimewithoutyou]

I don't know if anyone sees the words I lay here or are they scattered, forgotten like leaves in the digital wind and does it matter in the end

[yourangelspoetry]

Until Tomorrow

I know you never meant to hurt me

When you slipped away like sand

But I don’t stay angry long because I always understand

So I’ll spare you the theatrics

But I’m told that I’m not well

Cause I’ve been writing out a bucket list that sends me straight to hell

Sometimes I look back fondly

On our wicked little crimes

Though I know it should perturb me and I pray it will in time

And I dread the empty mornings,

More than drunk and lonely nights,

Because there’s not much to dull the sense that I won’t be alright

I’ll have this little frightening thought

Before my day can even start

Today is now the longest that we’ve ever been apart.

So I’ll read over our messages,

My favorite way to die

You always seemed to tell the truth

Even when meant to lie.

Well I keep on marching forward,

But I don’t quite seem to move.

And my heart won’t go on healing,

You’re still pressing on the bruise.

I think you went on keeping

What you only meant to borrow.

This is the longest we have ever been apart.

At least until tomorrow.

[thistimewithoutyou]

Not now

I'm broken, somehow You slip through my fingers You're my home But deep inside you I feel you want to tear down these walls Leave my chaos behind But you're what keeps me together And all I want is to keep you You wanted me to desire you Like you desired me And now I do Now I'm yours, in every way You can't stop loving me now. Not now.

[flp-intheair]

[thistimewithoutyou]

One.

[laterose13]

It's a strange thing, when your friends are online.

I don't see your faces. Our relationship is nothing but words on a screen, punctuated by memes and emojis and gifs. But I hear your voices in the way you type. This one rambles about what she loves and this one is excitable and this one is often quiet but leaps into conversations with enthusiasm when she is invested in the topic and this one is slow to respond but always, inevitably does.

You say come, sit with me and nothing changes, we're both sitting alone in our rooms a thousand miles apart, and yet everything changes. I am curled up against you in some small way and we are apart-together and together-apart and it soothes the deep ache of loneliness for a little bit. You say my couch is always open for you to crash on despite the fact that I may never be in the area to do so and it is reassuring somehow. You say I am like you in not so many words and too many words and I tuck you under my wing in an attempt to shelter you from the cruelties that tore into me.

I can speak through words when my own voice stutters and dies. We offer small pieces of our lives to each other, snapshots of time caught in our screens. I am desperate for each and every one, hoarding them like a dragon does their hoard, more precious to me than gems or gold. I smile like an idiot every time I see a notification pop up on my phone, and perhaps this too is a kind of being in love.

You are all scattered miles apart from me and you are tucked into my pocket. I miss you every day that we are apart and yet somehow we are so rarely ever apart in a way that matters.

[thistimewithoutyou]

I wonder how you are, out there somewhere.

[thistimewithoutyou]

Today, I'm not daydreaming or nostalgisizing

This is living

And it's intense, scary and beautiful as Hell

[thistimewithoutyou]

What's your emotional color palette? :P

I think it's probably a slightly unnerving combination of bright neon colours and raven black.

[thistimewithoutyou]

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars on a collision course I am a satellite, I'm out of control I'm a sex machine, ready to reload Like an atom bomb about to oh, oh, oh, explode

Oh, hi, hypomania. Missed you.

[thistimewithoutyou]

I'll let you go now, gently it never really began and it never will it was stolen moments what-if's and then long silence between that's all it was but it changed me you changed me and I'm grateful and as I continue my journey our moments, so few and unspoken will be with me always