:::cracks knuckles, cracks neck, stretches like cat for five solid weeks, yawns, shakes head like wet dog, does 50,000 jumping jacks, screams like banshee, then sits down at keyboard:::
All right, handles and bowls, put your jimjams on and sit yourselves down round the campfire as Counselor Knowseverythingaboutspoons tells you a little something something about spoons.
Before I start this thing, though, I want to make it clear that I’m talking about LITERAL, ACTUAL, NON-METAPHORICAL-IN-ANY-WAY SPOONS! We’ll extrapolate later. Let’s take a little trip over to my silverware drawer, shall we?
LOOK AT THAT! SPOOOOOOOOOOONS! Two different sizes, no less. Notice anything funny about them? That’s right: They’re stacked separately! That’s the way of it with spoons. There’s a slot for the big spoons (table spoons, in this case) and a slot for the tea spoons. Each type of spoon goes in its assigned spot. You do NOT mix the spoons! What is this, spoon anarchy?! (Though, admittedly, I get that a little bit when I open the drawer roughly, as I did here, but I just got so riled up about spoons I had to YANK that drawer open, order be damned!)
Anyway, let’s take a couple of these little boinkos out for a spin, shall we? Here are two tea spoons (I’ll mark one so we can see the difference between the two):
Now these spoons are EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE! It’s important to bear that in mind as we move forward. I want you to watch what happens when we stack one spoon on top of the other.
Side shot there. See that? You SEE that shit?! That’s a fit that would please an angry otter! (Reference.)
Now. Viewing this image, I ask you. Which is the “big” spoon, and which is the “little” spoon?
You see? YOU SEE?! THEY’RE THE SAME SIZE! THE MYTH OF THE BIG/LITTLE SPOON IS A LIE! IT’S JUST THE TOP/BOTTOM OR FRONT/BACK SPOON!!!!
Now what happens if you actually get two spoons of different sizes? Let’s see!
There’s a table spoon and a tea spoon. Now. Will they stack?!
The design of the spoon—the spoon style—absolutely prevents the stacking of non-identical spoons! IT CAN’T BE DONE!
Now, as a linguist, it is rare that I go to the dictionary, but I am going to the dang dictionary right now. Dictionary, I summon thee! SHOW ME SPOONING!
LIKE. SPOONS. NESTED. IN. EACH. OTHER.
Gentlepeople of Tumblr! I ask you! Can you nest spoons of different sizes?! Comfortably and casually without resorting to extreme stacking and balancing measures?! SO THAT YOU CAN PICK UP SEVERAL OF THEM IN A STACK LIKE THIS!?!??!
I ask you to consider the nature of the common, everyday, household spoon in answering this question! Because it is from an image like the one above that I contend the metaphor of “spooning” derived! The fact that two spoons of the same size can stack PERFECTLY on top of one another is what led someone to analogize to two bodies lying next to each other stacked in a similar fashion! It relies crucially on the spoons being the same size! That’s where we got the term “spooning” from!
Moving away from spoons, it is likewise obvious that two human beings of different sizes can easily (for lack of a better term) spoon. All that is is a byproduct of an imperfect metaphor. It works with humans; it doesn’t work with spoons.
This, though, is why I think the terms “big spoon” and “little spoon” should be retired! One person does NOT have to be bigger than the other to spoon! And the whole thing comes from a literal stacking of spoons that are identical in size and style! I think we should replace these terms with two different terms: the front spoon (right now the “little” spoon) and the back spoon (right now the “big” spoon).
If we do this, you’ll see what was happening in the above scene.
Heda Lexa was not the “little” spoon. No. She was the leader. She was the one facing the door! She was shielding Clarke with her body!
Now to post this before April 1st on the West Coast so everyone knows it’s not a prank, and understands how serious I am about spoons. 11:45 p.m., and…post.
blakekathryn
baratheonpilled
areudirty
gummygunk
2087
stormborns
tangentwithtanner
