[Radio static.]
Good evening, dear listeners.
To start things off, I've been asked to read this brief notice:
The City Council announces the opening of a new dog park at the corner of Mulberry Street, near McGrew's Zoo. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park.
Do not approach the dog park.
The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. The dog park will not harm you.
...
Just a reminder to all the parents out there: let’s talk about safety when taking your children out to play in the scrublands. You need to give them plenty of water, make sure there’s a shade tree in the area, and keep an eye on the helicopter colors.
Are the unmarked helicopters circling the area black? Probably World Government. Not a good area for play that day.
Are they blue? That’s the Sergeant Mulvaney's Secret Police. They’ll keep a good eye on your kids, and hardly ever take one.
Also remember: Gatorade is basically soda, so give your kids plain old water and maybe some orange slices when they play.
...
Lights. Seen in the sky above the Arby’s. Not the glowing sign of Arby’s. Something higher, and beyond that. We know the difference. We’ve caught on to their game. We understand the “lights above Arby’s” game.
Invaders from another world.
Ladies and gentlemen, the future is here, and it’s about 100 feet above the Arby’s.
...
And now, the weather.
[♪♫♪]
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Our final report for the night comes from the south west of the TVF Station.
A new creature was spotted at approximately nineteen hundred hours last night. Several feet tall, with hands like a man, a beak like a hawk, and a ruff of feathers around its neck, it stood beneath a towering Truffula Pine, watching the moon. Shadows hid its face, and it didn't appear to make any noise as it slowly turned and retreated into the woods.
Investigation of the spot where it stood revealed long, thin, four-toed footprints with deep scratch marks in the dirt, indicating claws.
It is uncertain what this creature wants.
But it is out there, and you are--presumably, hopefully--in your home, in your bed. You are safe, for now, and so long as you avoid the south west woods until further research can be conducted.
...
Settling in to be another clear night and pretty evening here in ThneedVale Falls. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with. Or, at least, good memories of when you did.
Good night, my dears.