thomas friedman is a douchebag

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

Thomas Friedman Suggests Palestinians Fix All Their Own Problems By Just Being Better

As a vastly superior Israeli military continues to strike Gaza's homes and hospitals, Thomas Friedman writes, "In my view, the only way Israel can truly curtail the Hamas rocket threat is if the Palestinians of Gaza demand that the rockets stop."

Top 5 Moments of Idiocy 1. His article makes no mention that Israel occupies Palestine. 

2. "Order" comes from American interference in Middle Eastern politics. "Disorder" comes from Jihadists. What a great binary way to explain the world, Tfried.

3. He puts the entire onus for peace on Gazans, 83,000 of which are currently wandering the streets as refugees, attempting to escape bombs while having nowhere else to go. Yet Friedman believes they are capable of ousting Hamas and forging peace with Israel, despite having no political power, no weapons or drones and nowhere to live. Common sense, where is it. 

4. He confuses the identity of Iraq's Prime Minister. 

5. He calls the Palestinian militants "superempowered" despite the fact they've barely managed to hit a single target in over a decade.

Total Israeli civilians killed by Gaza rockets since 2001: 29. (Source)

Total Palestinians killed by the IDF since July 1st, 2014: 548. (Source)

One doesn't justify the other, but let's be real: that is not the definition of of "superempowered". 

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

Thomas Friedman Assures You He Knows About Important Stuff

Lost child Thomas Friedman enjoys few things more than penning a good ol' paean to a hyperconnected corporation. Yet Thomas Friedman also has a reputation to maintain-- as a person that dumb people think is a smart foreign policy thinker. What happens when these two things clash?

[runswithdonkey]

Synopsis: The World is Flat

Synopsis: Middle aged man ventures into the world with outdated blackberry to discover that hospitals now use the internet.

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

The world is flat. Everything is flat. The floor is flat. The walls are flat. I am flat. Please stop looking at me.

Thomas L Friedman eats weed brownies with his daughter's roommate at Yale and has a bad time [The Guardian]

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

Friedman on Chinese Workers and iPads

What the iPad won’t do in an above average way a Chinese worker will.

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

Yeah he said that

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

There are only two rules for a Tom Friedman metaphor: 1. They must be childishly simple. 2. They must not make sense if you examine them closely.

Ben Cohen, Tom Friedman on Hot Soup, Yoghurt and Midwifing Syria

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

The Tom Friedman Column Generator is Scarily Accurate - The Daily Banter

It has been a while since anyone mentioned Tom Friedman in any serious capacity. More likely than not, this has something to do with Tom Friedman never saying anything serious.

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

A robot can do Thomas Friedman's job better than Thomas Friedman. The metaphors are more mixed, the rhetorical questions more rhetorical. We have a feeling Brian Mayer and Michael Ward may have automated him out of a job. At the very least, his editor has a powerful tool when it comes to salary negotiations. We would know- we've emailed him the link. Someone has to look out for the New York Times' bottom line...

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

MY MOUSTACHE – Americans have never really appreciated what a radical thing I did in growing a moustache, long the symbol of Arab male virility. I’m convinced that when Arab men catch a glimpse of my moustache as they bring me my breakfast in my hotel they are inspired and say to themselves: “Hmmm. Let’s see. He’s middle-aged. I’m middle-aged. He’s slightly tanned. I’m roughly the same colour. His name is Thomas. My name is Hussein. He is a prick. I sometimes act like a prick. He is not president of the United States. I am not president of the United States. Lincoln is the capital of Nebraska. Water boils at 100 degrees centigrade. He has a moustache. I have a moustache. Both our moustaches have no voice in my future”. I’d put that in my special mix of hallucinogenic drugs and ingest it.

This is quite possibly the funniest skewering of Thomas Friedman to date, written by independent journalist Sara Carr.

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

Poorly executed human mustache Thomas Friedman has a solution to our country’s unpopular “no jobs problem.” It involves like, everyone starting a business, right? But see the incentive (or “moral hazard”) is that everyone’s going to be selling products they invented themselves.

Read the rest at The Wonkette.

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

Personally, I can't wait for future Tom Friedman celebrity metaphor inspired columns. Just imagine: "France is the Frank Stallone of Europe, Ireland is the Sylvester." "The neoconservatives brainwashed President Bush more effectively than Tom Cruise did Katie Holmes." "Unless we follow the example of India, economic growth in the United States economy will be as unstable as Russell Crowe after two gin and tonics." What a jackass.

Someone else had this whole blog idea back in 2005. Unfortunately they have abandoned the cause. 

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

Thomas Friedman: The worst New York Times columnist. Frustratingly awful writer. Muddled thinker. Liberal warmonger. Cab driver-quoter. Pie-faced self-important bloviator of CEO-ready platitudes. The Mustache of Understanding.

Sadly for Thomas Friedman, he did not win the award. Probably because no one who reads Gawker also reads the New York Times. Still, as one of fifteen candidates, he should be proud of his position as a contender for "Douche of the Decade". 

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

While we would never condone violence against a pie, this is pretty funny. 

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

A very clever friend sends over today's Tom Friedman column edited down to nothing but mixed metaphors and cliches

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

"I guess where I'm going with this is that from the standpoint of the news commentary business, Friedman has eaten more testicles and squeezed out more unexpected babies into his mtaphorical sweatpants than all of the rest of us pundits combined. He’s a pro’s pro, an earner, and maybe it’s time the rest of us showed him some respect."

Matt Taibbi does it again.

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

Thomas Friedman Spoofs Himself In What I'm Guessing Is An Epic Work Of Adventurous Satire

"I had to catch a train in Washington last week. The paved street in the traffic circle around Union Station was in such poor condition that I felt as though I was on a roller coaster. I traveled on the Amtrak Acela, our sorry excuse for a fast train, on which I had so many dropped calls on my cellphone that you’d have thought I was on a remote desert island, not traveling from Washington to New York City. When I got back to Union Station, the escalator in the parking garage was broken. Maybe you’ve gotten used to all this and have stopped noticing. I haven’t. Our country needs a renewal."

  Like the jokes in a Christopher Durang comedy, Friedman’s self-skewering comes at such a rapid pace that you must go back and reread to pull out all of the lampoons he includes.

Read the rest here: Huffington Post

[thomasfriedmanisadouchebag]

He spins small insights into sweeping theories, avoids facts that cut against those theories, and expresses them with baffling metaphors.

Read the rest at The Atlantic.