• piece of mind • @thoughtfullyunsaid - Tumblr Blog

Constantly chasing ghosts, of people places and things.

🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

But no matter how fast I run,

I'll never catch up.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

- Jiddu Krishnamurti

I still call you my best friend.

on the count of three

🏃🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️

Life is a marathon - Slow and steady, keep on keeping on. So what happens to us sprinters in the world? It's like I missed the memo. I missed the training. I signed up for the 100 meter dash, not this fucking 26.2 miler. I'm not cut out for the long haul. Too old to die young though. So now what? I've always lived a little too perilously for the comfort of my mother. Climbing the highest trees, fences, nets, walls. Anything I could get a grip on. Higher, higher, I wanted to go. Daring the heights - I don't remember if it was about the thrill. The adrenaline. The fearlessness. Feeling invincible and free, perhaps. At the time, it was simply joy. I just wanted to see all that the world could offer. I wanted to escape the grasp of being grounded. I would walk on ledges, daring them to be balance beams. In between two worlds. I wanted to fly, I told my mother; Maybe one day; One leap is all it takes.

I still look for you. It's strange, I know. Maybe deep down, I believe in fate.. That we'll meet again, when the time is right. I hold on to the ghosts of you. And everywhere I go, I see resemblances. The crinkle in her eyes, The slight smirk on his face. Your asymmetric dimples. In Japan, In Italy, Portugal, Spain, Korea, Taiwan. It doesn't matter where I go; there you are. But there,

you aren't.

You already know how the story ends.

The end of an era. The longest relationship I've held onto. The one we never had to change each other for; we never questioned things the way other people questioned us. Of course I'm happy for you; I'm ecstatic. But also, The sinking feeling of knowing the end is imminent. Feeling the change in the air, as we talked about; and it's breaking my heart, though it has no right to. I am filled with love and perhaps that is why I am heartbroken. That love no longer has a place to go. So now I have to mourn. The death of something that far exceeded my expectations and unexpectedly became a stability. You're one of my favorite people. I have so much to be grateful for - this unique experience neither of us could have predicted or even fathomed. Goodbye, and thank you for the last two decades. I had your past, and she has your future. All the best; all my love.

We had no history, nor a future.

But in that moment, that was all we needed.

I made brownies today.

I hope you still do too.

🥂

Say what you mean and mean what you say. That’s all I want. Who knew it was so rare these days.

And this is why I don't know how to let go -

The ghosts of you linger on.

You will always be a part of me, no matter how apart we've grown.

Slow down - in the end, your hour is still equal to my 60 minutes. 36,000 seconds. There is no "extra". Take a moment; breathe.

“’I remember seeing that picture and realizing that photographs weren’t real. There’s no context, just the illusion that you’re showing a snapshot of a life, but life isn’t snapshots, it’s fluid. So photos are like fictions [...] everyone thinks photography is truth, but it’s just a very convincing lie.’

"Why did you stop?"

Because time doesn't work like photos. Click, and it stays still. Blink, and it leaps forward.”

- The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue

Someday, but never today.

Over a decade later, I'm still learning to say goodbye.

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