ThoughtsAtThisMoment

Thoughts change and memories fade overtime. There are mine.

[thoughtsatthismoment]

I recalled the last time we were together...your eyes were filled anger.

I wonder what you saw in my eyes at that same time. Were my eyes filled with sadness,or were they filled with regret?

[thoughtsatthismoment]

You looked at me with those eyes... I couldn’t handle it and walked away.

It felt so good that you wanted me but I knew that I needed to stop expecting anything from you.

You can’t say you can’t love me but expect me to keep giving you my love.

Please let me go.

[thoughtsatthismoment]

It’s a routine. “Hello, how are you? Good!”

Then it changes.

We said good-bye. But when we say it to each other it felt different. I looked you in the eye, you glanced away turning red. I try to not let it bother me. However my voice begins to shake and in almost a whisper-cry I said good bye.

It was like that last night when I said those words.

Can you tell that I still miss you?

[thoughtsatthismoment]

Would remembering the past help me heal or would remembering the past reopen wounds?

[thoughtsatthismoment]

I dreamt about you for the first time in a while.

We were laughing in a photobooth...silly photos and giggles behind the lens.

We peaked outside then saw someone we knew from afar. This shattered the oasis we made for each other.

I left that photobooth.

You didn’t stop me and decided to walk the other way.

I hope this means we’re both on the right path.

[thoughtsatthismoment]

She’s waiting for you to propose. She’s been telling everyone that she’s ready.

But what about you? What is holding you back?

[thoughtsatthismoment]

You didn’t ask if I was okay.

This fact hurts more than the accident.

[thoughtsatthismoment]

The lights were low and the music was playing. Cigarettes and alcohol filled the air. We made up for just one night.

You teased me and said that I was being clingy again. I looked at you and laughed. I want that to be my last genuine laugh I have with you. I kissed you good bye. This was my last kiss for you.

The next day I looked at you like nothing happened.

I widened the distance between us again. I gave you your space. I kept small talk at a minimum. And I stopped trying to be with you. Because I have given up us.

By the end of the day when you before you left, you looked at me with such sadnes. You broke it off, and I respected that decision. However, why does your face look like I’ve been doing everything wrong and that I’m hurting you.

Yet I know it’s necessary.

I refuse to fight for a love which I have given so much and received so little. I refuse to fight for a love which causes me to compromise my own self worth for your needs. I refuse to fight for a love which you feel threatened by my opinions and knowledge. I refuse to be to be owned by you and to be controlled by you.

I’m sorry, the pain will become a distant memory. Then this will become a lesson for the both of us.

[thoughtsatthismoment]

Did we make up for the right reasons?

[thoughtsatthismoment]

Our eyes met for a split second. I felt my ears burn and I turned away, trying to act like nothing ever happened. I turned around to see how you reacted and saw you walking away, your ears and neck as red as ever.

I guess I’m not the only one hurting by the distance we placed between us.

[thoughtsatthismoment]

I’m being forced to interact with you tomorrow . I’m angry at the fact that I’m getting nervous about talking to you more which will encourage me to cave into my emotions.

[thoughtsatthismoment]

I deserve happiness...the type of happiness that I can give to others and receive without cost in return. There will be a day where our memories together will not be tainted with pain, but with laughter and happiness. I wish you the best.

[cutepetsuwu]

Pawsies https://ift.tt/37FsgPZ

[thoughtsatthismoment]

We risked so much to see each other. So tell me, was it lust or was it love?

[thoughtsatthismoment]

It’s cold right now, similar to that night. I was shivering and you noticed. Your eyes had a mischievous glint in them and you laughed. You had me come closer to you then wrapped the blanket around the both of us. You made sure I couldn’t escape by wrapping your arms around me. I laughed at your childish actions.

I’ve escaped now, but I want to run back to that warmth. Tonight feels so cold.

[thoughtsatthismoment]

I wonder how you can wake up next to them and say “I love you” after being with me the same day.

The guilt is eating me.

[thoughtsatthismoment]

I’m afraid of my emotions. I’m beginning to move on, and we’re talking more...but I know that once we “become normal friends” again, everything will begin to fall apart.

After all we already to tried last year. That normal friendship only lasted a week. Que music.