caryn.

cradling tales & poetic musings

[thoughtscradle]

us, in forever tones. black and white, but full of everything.

[thoughtscradle]

[thoughtscradle]

[thoughtscradle]

My muse, my better half, my evermore.

[thoughtscradle]

whispers in your eyes

these ongoing screams in my head begging to be released, can never seem to find its way to serenity - whether or not it wants to, or simply wedged between wanting and daring - chose to remain in between the hazy clouds of chaos.

I stopped wanting to mitigate the disappointment, it's simple math really, but I was captivated by his charm, his sentiment, his flair, the way he dances around other mortals, the natural tone of his kindness, and the endearing mannerism he holds for society. Him alone was enough to yearn for forever.

I longed for evermore the moment I fell for him, for the love he offers, boundless and true but life never hesitates to throw punches - so perhaps, we're all here to witness and experience a romance so rare, it can only be everlasting in the cosmos, neither here nor there, just in between.

[thoughtscradle]

[thoughtscradle]

What if love the word itself was just non-existent?

What if love itself does not hold its potential?

What if love isn’t what is when it was first said?

Or what if love is just what it is and incomprehensible in a way that we are incomparable, that there was nothing to compare.

What if love, again was just an expression to a tune we could never even comprehend?

[thoughtscradle]

was it a mirage?

Pen it, they say but those words don't flow mainly because I don't have any. Or were they exhausted over time, repeating in its own vicious loop we never got out of?

questions, and questions over nights as I stare at the ceiling wondering how did we end up here?

how did I end up choosing yours truly, and how am I still somewhat put together?

when did we go from becoming one to two, and later on like how we've never touched each other lives, ever before?

when did we turn grey and sick, and why have you stayed?

why has our love remained untrue, my mind unsettled, my heart unhealed?

…yet a wave of tranquility and a breath of relief left its marks, wrapping and leaving our bodies in their own time warp, waiting patiently, for the promised halcyon days we dreamed of, to resurface, to hold on to, to be and to live in, to be one.

[thoughtscradle]

03.10.21

each time I sit in front of this screen and attempt to pen my thoughts down, I find my overwhelming self being washed away by clouds of fear because if I actually said it, even through in writing, it becomes real, a permanent fixture etched, right?

growing up in this vision of constantly looking over my shoulder for a shot at happiness was exhausting. I think I've exhausted the list of what you could have done to be given a shot. wrong. and then a wise man appeared in my life and unfolded a quote shadowing Dalai Lama's aura though he's really not and swear it to me like a mantra that happiness is not a destination, but a process. it never gets old, you read a quote or when someone tries to plant a life-changing belief in you

the thing is, if I don't own up to my past, how can I truly overcome it?

because running away to Prague wasn't an answer. it has been five years so yes I can assure you, it was not. but it turned out to be something overwhelmingly beautiful and an unexpected remedy to my much needed soul.

[thoughtscradle]

Wallpaper dumps from Bari’s trip with its quaint little findings.

[thoughtscradle]

The precious that walked in to both of our lives, and became a permanent fixture that I know I am willing to hold on to forever. 

[thoughtscradle]

fields of gold

here I am breathing my last breath of closure, broken to its core, bearing what’s left of its weight, as light as the remaining warmths of embrace.

years of battling with being anxious over the fluctuation of my emotions, the one thing I lack at restraint, constantly unleashed. it was that endlessness that pierced through, pushing away all the rational bits further away from me than they already are. 

miles away from where I am, he whispers think of all that you feel, perhaps it’s time... to turn the heaviness of your heart into gold, resonating with the promised halcyon days I swore to live by stamped on my shoulder, forever in search. 

[thoughtscradle]

September

It seems as though not too long ago, I took that plunge and completely dived into a different land where English is a foreign language and I had troubles communicating for the first time. A land where beer and meat are the staple food. A land that many have not really heard of or wandered to. A land that deserves all the recognition in the world yet so humble, in some ways, broken and sad, from the wars, from the communism, from survival. 

hmmm, remedy to my soul. 

[thoughtscradle]

One of the most beautiful sceneries we’ve come across in Romania, along the Transfăgărășan Road (DN7C) -- constructed between 1970 and 1974 by the ‘dictator’ at that time, as an escape route in response to the 1968 invasion of Czechoslovakia by the Soviet Union.