I have some problems

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

[mothcub]

Guys.... go to blogger.com and make a blog right now and then blog every single day and send me your blogs. Blogspot resurgence 2026 I am begging and pleading

here's my blog please....... PLEASE just blog I need this. New year new blog?? Ladies?

[mothcub]

There are MANY blogs being created in the replies... thank you bloggers......

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

...I started one, it is not very cute, but I hope it may help if anyone would like to follow.

Blog

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

Goodnight, my love.

With any hope I shall find you in my sleep and never leave. Let it be the longest dream in the world. Hold me in your embrace until I forgot the world I left behind. Until every bloodied scar is patched up and dissolved into nothingness.

I don't deserve such a beautiful rest, but I will try anyway.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

If rebirth is a thing, I can only hope to be reborn next to you, my love.

What will our first adventure be?

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

If there is an afterlife, I hope it's comforting.

As comforting as a warm cup of hot chocolate on a chilly autumn day. A home with no yelling. A space I feel safe again. A world I feel safe in. A world I feel welcome to.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

The question "why are you crying" is just too much to answer.

You never know. You've never cared to know. Crying was always a bad thing in your eyes. You've yelled at me too many times for crying. How could I ever feel safe doing it again.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

I want to say thank you to the person inside my head.

I truly loved you like I could love no other. I thought you up, and yet, in a way, you manifested yourself. I kept trying to steer you in one direction but you always overpowered me.

I'm sorry I couldn't share you with everyone the way I wanted. You were real enough to me, my love. Maybe that's all you were meant to be.

I pray, I hope, I wish, in my next life, we can finally be together.

However long that may take.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

save me from this world

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

Catatonic

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

They're never in this world. They're too real, too tangible, too fucked up. We all are.

The "me" in this world doesn't look like me, doesn't sound like me, doesn't act like me, and doesn't believe like me.

She is everything I can't be, and has everything I long for.

But they're never in it. Sometimes I try but their edges too rough, their skin too bumpy. Because they are imperfect.

Oh to be loved and to love completely. With everything you are.

To not fear persecution, retaliation, or grief.

In your place is a black void that will never be filled.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

In another world, I'm so deliriously happy. My love is by my side, I have oodles of friends who want to be with me. They reach out for my company, invade my space even when I'm feeling down.

I don't have to worry about the little things. I have a career and many backup plans. I can sleep in the arms of the one I love the most. I can cry, grieve, be angry, be happy. I'm allowed to be those things.

The fucked up thing is that world does exist, I've made it. It's just so completely terrible, that no matter what I do, it will never be this one.

Still, I call out his name as if he's listening. As if one day he would find me. I want to live that life forever. Far beyond death. Far beyond reason.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

You know what's fucked up?

She's not going to apologize.

She hurt my feelings, she disregarded me, she cares more about what she wants not mine.

But she'll never apologize. Because no one in my family ever does. They just want to "go back to normal."

I was gone for nearly 2 hours and she cared soooo much that she texted me...once.

I wish I could move out, but I have no money.

Maybe I can finally find some roommates. She doesn't care about me, I'm just a burden she has to deal with.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

I'm not addicted to my phone.

I'm addicted to my computer.

I had walked away from it more when I didn't have a job and felt like I had more time in the day for myself. Now that I do have a job, I feel obsessed and attached to it again.

Does anyone have some advice on how to start moving away from it again?

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

It's not that I'm not good at making friends.

I'm scared of keeping them. Of wearing someone thin to the point where they despise my existence.

When I was in high school, I was told very matter of factly and without warning, by the school nurse, that I smelled and no one wanted to be around me because of that.

I had no idea.

My family didn't say anything, my "friends" didn't say anything, only she did right before I went home for the day.

I've kept to myself ever since.

I don't know if I smell better, because I genuinely can't smell myself. Granted I have a problem with smelling in general. Flowers and candles are my enemy a lot of the time cuz I can't smell them unless their insanely powerful, which gives me a headache.

I'm always afraid of being "found out." Of what? I have no idea. Afraid that my likes, my wants, my mannerisms are too childish, too annoying, too bold, too loud, too lazy, too uncompromising.

Too me.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

I wish I could talk about this with my face, but I'm too afraid to.

I wish there was a community of people out there of people who realized they are never going to be in a romantic relationship, and help each other with how to move forward with life after that. I'm 28 and I've come to realize it just isn't in my future, but whenever I try to talk about it I'm always met with "oh it'll happen eventually" "just open yourself up to it" "go out more" etc. etc. But I don't want advice on how to get into a relationship, I want to know how to move on with my life while understanding that I'm not to be loved in that way.

A lot of communities I've thought about I don't think fit what I'm thinking about.

A lot of therapy communities push me to the side or just tell me to wait because it's "not as important," I relate to the original woman who coined the term "inc*l" but that community is full of degenerates now, and I don't think the aro/ace community fits me too well either. As much as I don't like the idea of s*x, I'm a very romantic type so I wouldn't call myself aro.

I just wish I could find a community of people who want to move on with their lives, while understanding that we are not to be loved that way.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

I had a dream where I killed myself.

It wasn't in a super violent realistic way, it was actually kind of dumb. Dream me did something. Something bad. I don't recall what it was. It was just something she did and then she decided to kill herself.

Again, in a stupid way. She had an explosive, and she set it off next to her. She didn't blow up or catch on fire, my body just kind ricocheted around like a rag doll. Like in a cartoon.

Then I lied there, waiting to die...and immediately thought of my mother and wanted to take it all back.

As someone who has been suicidal for many years...I haven't been able to calm down since.

I went to urgent care today. I'm in my bed. I'm safe. I should feel safe, but I don't.

I never feel safe.

[thoughtsfromaparanoidmind]

They got so excited for it. Hyped it up. Promised so many things.

But when it came time to get it done, no one showed up.