First, happy quarter-year anniversary!! (aka 3-month anniversary woooooo) In the time that we've been together, a lot's changed. I'm sure you and I both see the truth in that statement. I think it's safe to say that we've gone past the honeymoon stage of the relationship and progressed to wherever we are now. We've had problems in the past, yeah, but I guess now they seem more... real? (Forgive me, i don't know how to describe this). In any case, I know that our relationship right now doesn't seem as easy as it used to be.. we're both stressed, and everything's just bearing down on us like rain from hell. I want you to know that despite all of that, nothing has changed for me. I still feel the same way I felt for you when I first knew I was in love with you, if not more intensely.
I know that when you ask me why I fell in love with you I'd say at one point that I fell in love with your smile. Of course, that's not the sole reason why I fell in love with you, but it's definitely one of the reasons why. I want you to know that even if I love seeing you smile, you don't need to smile all the time... you don't always have to be happy, even if I want you to be (and I always want you to be happy). I know that other emotions exist too-- anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, disgust, and a whole bunch of other feelings you can feel. If at a certain point you don't feel happy, that's okay. I don't want you to beat yourself up over it... it's not gonna make me love you any less than I do, it's just gonna make me want to see that smile of yours again (though it doesn't always have to be right away). More than your being happy, I want you to be true to yourself and to me about what you're feeling... so please be honest with me. If you're sad, if you're stressed, if you're mad, if you're feeling literally anything, tell me. You don't always need to tell me the reason why, but I want you to know that if you should choose to tell me why, I will always be there to listen to you. I also want you to know that there are no stupid reasons to feel emotions... you might get mad because someone poked you in a weird way or scared because you thought a cockroach was on your shoulder but it was really just your hair. Your feelings, whatever you may be feeling, are valid.
I want you to know that I understand that you're going to need some space sometimes, be it to process something or just because you're tired of dealing with things-- including me. If you should ever need space, I want you to be comfortable telling me that you do. I will do my best to understand and give you that time and space you need... but I also hope you understand that there might be times that I will want to stay and go through whatever it is you're dealing with right next to you. If you really don't want me to be there, please don't push me away... tell me that you want some time, and I'll do my very best. I promise. I'm definitely gonna miss you, but if it's what you need, then I understand, and it's gonna be okay. There are also gonna be times that I'm gonna need space, and I hope that you can understand that, too (or try).
Next, I need you to know that I love you. I love you so deeply and so hopelessly and helplessly and completely. The same way I loved you the first time, but more intensely. The same feelings that I had for you then have only grown deeper since then, and they continue to do so with every passing moment. I know that maybe it's hard for you to see it... but nothing has changed for me. I love you so much, with all my heart, and for me, I will continue to love you for as long as I promised you: always and forever. I need you to know that even if every day life is hard and so full of bullshit, I will always choose you. I will always choose to love you, because you make me happy. Even if sometimes you don't see it. The countless genuine smiles and laughs that you've put on my face and in my heart... the comfort and safety i feel when I'm around you... the purpose you give me that rushes through my body with every beat of my heart cannot and will never be able to compare with the pain and all the shit the world will ever throw at us.
I know that right now, you have a lot of doubts... about yourself, about the world, about life, about a lot of things... including us. How I wish I could just dispel those doubts and reassure you... but I know that I can't. I know that no matter how many times I tell you or even promise you that I'll be there it might not take that doubt away from your mind, and that's not your fault. You've had your hopes brought up and torn down before... maybe that's why you have all these doubts. I need you to know that despite the fact that I probably will never be able to just reassure you with my words, I will show you with my actions, and I will tell you every day.
There's no denying that right now, we're going through a tough time.. it's harder than ever, more painful than ever... I know. I wanna remind you that soon, this'll pass. This isn't permanent, and I know we can do it... even if you might not think so. I know that I will always fight to be with you. Even if it's hard. Even if it seems like it'll never end, because I know in the bottom of my heart that it will. Like the song goes, "I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love. I'm still looking up."
Lastly... I want you to know that everything that all I've said in the past on purpose still hold true today. The promises and the compliments and the I love you's and all of it... I mean it all. I meant it when I said that you're worth everything I'll have to go through to be with you and I still mean it. I meant it when I said I want to be with you, and I still do.
So happy 1/4 year, baby... happy 3rd month. This little message became a little longer than just a little message, didn't it? I love you so much.
