Thoughts on the venus

[thoughtsonvenus]

I feel alone.

Each day that goes by I get a little lonelier, like I am missing a part of me. I hate quarantine. 

I was laid off 2 weeks ago, maybe 3? who knows? I’ve started to lose count of the days.. 

I sleep all day.. and I feel darkness begin to consume me. It reminds me of when I was 15, I stayed up all night and slept through the day. It doesn’t matter because there is nothing to do anyway. 

I want this to be over.

[thoughtsonvenus]

My weight

I’ve been pretty unhappy with my weight, I’ve gained 40 lbs. I’ve lost control over what I eat and have become lazy. I’m disappointed in myself, I want to go back to being 140lbs and wearing a size M. Nothing fits, I now buy XL.

Who am I? This is not me! I’m not lazy, I’m not this person. I need to take my life back.

[thoughtsonvenus]

This is insane, i completely forgot i had an account on Tumblr. I was curiously browsing the web when i suddenly remembered the good old days, when everyone had a Myspace and would edit it uniquely. Mine was sparkly and animated, and there were Betty Boop “.gifs” all over it! Those were funny times.

I only posted on here once before, and after reading it I remembered that terrible time. The day my Boyfriends brother went completely insane and started punching my love. They ended up on the floor, both of them bloody. It was a very scary experience, I wasn’t very familiar with his family yet. You can just imagine the horror of this terrible night. I threatened to call the police, i actually spoke to them for a few minutes before he noticed what i was doing. I was afraid he was going to run up to me and hit me! 

He yelled and asked why i would call the cops, and he ran off. That night we decided to stay at his parent’s home. We actually stayed there for a couple of months. We didn’t want to go back, we couldn’t. My boyfriend and his brother didn’t speak for almost a year after this incident. We lived in a small apartment in the ghetto for a year and a half, it wasn’t the best place to stay but it was our only option then. We had some great memories in that small apartment, maybe one day i can write about those days. 

We now live in a small 2 bedroom house, on a two year lease. Yikes! It’s a nice place, in the nicer part of the city. I just hope we can own a home soon, it would feel like the monthly payments were actually building towards something. I started college, finally. I’m a 22 year old, who’s friends all have bachelor degrees. I feel like i have more control over my life now. We will see where it takes me. 

[thoughtsonvenus]

The wreck

So, life has made a dramatic turn of events. I now live happily with my boyfriend.. with HIS PARENTS! 

I don’t find it that terrible, it was way worse when we were living with his psychotic brother. 6 words starting with ‘W’ in the same sentence, that might be a record?

I’ll tell you all the story of how the brother went insane a couple nights ago, but it might be too soon to tell. I just hope we get all this worked out, i love his family.. but it would be great if we were on our own already! I want the lonely nights drinking wine, watching movies. It can never happen without a disturbance. 

 He makes me so happy, and i know we will get out of this mess. Has anyone ever felt so desperate? Don’t answer that. I know people have felt this way before and probably even worse than what i’m feeling. It was a hypothetical question, i guess. 

This will soon pass.