CW: diary(vent) & drawings

just sorting out thing and talking out loud #Talk #art #insp #Nota •others art or stuff I relate or find cool: #interesante

[threetears]

I tend to create blogs for certain purpouses/vibes often and then some days go by and i look back at them and i no longer feel connected to them and delete them, and I wonder why i can feel just "one way" all of the time

[teabunne]

You should know better

[alteredpanel]

small summarization of how everyones sonas have changed over the years. the first are not when they started to exist, just when they began actually drawing a 'sona' for themself.

at the bottom is our currently understood timeline, to compare to.

[mestreso]

Solía pretender estar tranquila y la tristeza no se notaría

[threetears]

im not me today

[threetears]

Hey. uh. How do you do to act like a normal person. is it normal to feel different than usual and. like, be quieter, and there is nothing wrong going on but everybody ask whats wrong with you??

[aesungaia]

[threetears]

?

[threetears]

No estoy hecho para existir.

[threetears]

Quiero desaparecer. No sé lidiar con mi familia.

[threetears]

No entiendo el mundo a mi alrededor. Y no tengo control de nada.

[threetears]

Qué frustrante vivir con los problemas de mi familia encima

[threetears]

Mi cabeza sigue ardiendo. Ya soy incapaz de ignorarlo, pero puedo hacerlo desaparecer por unos segundos.

[gentlewindchimes]

"im probably faking being a system" mfs after their name and gender/identity continues being unstable no matter how much they ignore it (im mfs)

[dominicpage-art]

devils on my shoulder

[scooterplastic]

Stoat facts

[archivefall]

one thing we're getting into in therapy is how powerlessness was a dynamic that everyone in system experienced with our mom/copes with really differently and how that reflects on our feelings toward real world situations of powerlessness now. i think like. i have a lot of words on it i guess but mostly it just makes me feel angry. i know that docs response to it is 'seize power by any means or freefall'. willow desperately wants or fears it. quiet assists but asks for nothing. angel just hides from everything and anything. but for me its like. its never even been an option so im always just fighting it. theres always some thing over me that im clawing at that sometimes i wonder what ill even do when i reach the top. i keep thinking 'i wish i was a person' but then, what does that even entail? and who is a person? can i think of any examples of what i want?

in the end the only feeling that remains is the wrongness. knowing what happened was wrong, knowing that what happens to other powerless people is wrong, wanting things to be different but not even knowing the shape i want it to take yet. but also i just refuse to accept that like. things just have to be this way too.

this was how it was with being trans, for years, where i felt something was wrong, but i refused to accept that it was me existing that was wrong, and by just surviving the world changed around me.