Through Novice Eyes

The name is Donny, just the typical beginner adult living in Portland, Maine. I tend to find my inner monologue funny and interesting, hopefully you will as well.

[throughnoviceeyes]

Barista Woes

I never knew that my feet could scream in pain this much. I recently got a job at a Starbucks here in Portland. And no, not Portland, Oregon. The original Portland. I had decided a couple of months ago that I would be moving in with my sister and I would go to school in Portland. I was going to move in sometime in June so that I could work for the summer and settle in for school. This meant filling out applications. I made a mental list of places in the city that were stores I thoroughly enjoyed and I would apply there first and if that didn't work out, I would look for any sort of job. I sent out six or seven applications within two days. Then one night, before I moved, I was at home and saw a Starbucks ad and thought "Well, I love Starbucks, why not apply?" So that's what I did. It took three days or so to hear back from the manager at one of the Starbucks locations I had applied to. He wanted to set up a day for me to come to Portland and do an interview. I was so excited. Someone saw my resume (or lack there of) and thought I would make a good candidate to become a barista. So I went to Portland for my interview. This included dying my hair from the blonde I had mistakenly tried a few months before to something closer to my natural hair color. Then I had to buy nice clothes for the interview and get my freshly 'fixed' hair cut to something more presentable. That all happened within two hours of my interview. Surprisingly, I showed up two minutes early to my interview. The interview went well. The manager was kind, friendly and made the interview not as scary. At the end of the interview I was expecting the typical "We will call you and let you soon," goodbye, but no. He told me right there that he liked me and wanted to hire me. I was exploding inside. I got a job. I was able to make myself seem appealing enough for this man to think I would be a good fit here. I wish I could understand how I did that. After that came two weeks of waiting. Waiting for that call that would change my life. Once I got the call telling me I was ready to start working, I knew everything was going to change. My life was going from living in the woods and Netflix to the city and understanding what a 'Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte' really meant (Hint: nonfat milk and sugar-free simple syrup).

This was an incredible change. I grew up in quite a rural area. My school had 100 kids, ranging from grades 7-12. The local Walmart was 45 minutes from my house. It wasn't a bad place to live, but it wasn't where I wanted to spend my life.

I had to get away.

The thought of living there any longer would cause me to have a panic attack. I don't mean any offense to the area, but it just wasn't where I wanted to be. My heart has always gravitated to the city.

Once I knew when I was going to start working, it was just a matter of moving before that day arrived. So, I packed up my dad's truck and he and I trekked for Portland. Three and a half hours and one lost trash bag later, I arrived at my new home. This was a surreal moment for me. I had never moved before in my entire life. I was on my own. It was time for me to work and pay my own bills.

Oh boy.

It's all happened so fast, and I wasn't able to really process everything that happened. It's been over a month and it still doesn't feel real.

I can't believe I am on my own, I'm not used to independence. This is going to take some time before I fully understand what my life is now. For now, I will focus on making sure your Double Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte is made to perfection.

May your journey be terrifying and full of wonder.

- Donny Bergin

[throughnoviceeyes]

Pity Is A Four Letter Word

One of my favorite hobbies is definitely self-pity.

It isn’t particularly my favorite hobby, but it seems to be one activity I am constantly involved with. I talk down to myself, question my actions and never give myself credit. In my eyes, I can’t do anything right. It’s pathetic. Somehow, I take this behavior and project it to others.

I want to be an accepting person of all people on this planet. For some reason, however, I am not a strong practicer of those beliefs. I find myself judging someone on something as superficial as what they are wearing. That is something that should not be my concern. Why do I care about the fact that the shorts that girl is wearing don’t go with her shirt? Maybe those shorts have major sentimental value to her. What if she can’t afford new shorts that match her shirt? Since when did I become the authority on what she is or isn’t doing right in her life?

That girl doesn’t deserve that sort of treatment. Even if the the words never leave my mind, it is still wrong of me to have those thoughts. I guess you could say it’s just human nature but I believe most of it is learned behavior. Not as though my parents were teaching me things such as this as a child, but this is how most of the human race acts. Things that are different are rejected and pushed away because change is a major fear all people have.

Someday I just hope for a human race that can be more accepting compared to the present. I understand the world is better than it was say 200 years ago, but there are still many changes that need to be made to help all be accepted.

One of those steps is people accepting themselves. Which is something I definitely need to work on. My dream is to get my degree in film and media studies, and create films. I want to write films, produce them, direct them. Anything in that general direction. The arts is what I love, but I am terrified I will never reach my goal of working in the arts. I am generating that fear with my lack of self-confidence. I am a bit of an amateur photographer, I guess you could say. I take a photograph and am happy with what I took and decide to post it online and then immediately think it’s terrible. I don’t think I have any artistic skills because I don’t get likes from people when I post content.

I thrive on receiving external appreciation. Without that, I am nothing. I need people to like it no matter how I feel about it. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I despise feeling this way. Not to mention the fact I judge my life against other people’s lives and find myself upset I am not doing as well as them. Not jealous, but upset that I am not good enough to do what they do.

Over the years I have been improving upon myself to shut out these feelings. It hasn’t been easy and I am far from truly accepting who I am. It is an uphill battle most of us are fighting every single day. But I am very excited for the day that I can see that girl’s shorts and think they are cute, even if they don’t match her shirt.

- Donny Bergin

[throughnoviceeyes]

Fade in

To whomever it may concern,

I guess I should begin with a hello.

My name is Donny, but if you’re here, you already knew that. I’m not good at discussing myself. I am currently 18 years old, almost 19. A typical day for me consists of waking up and regretting that I stayed up too late the night before and sleeping in, then I usually do something really productive such as checking social media, watching television, reading, or playing a video game. Occasionally I go outside to shake things up a bit.

If I’m not doing any of that, I am hanging out with some friends, taking pictures, making videos online, or possibly writing. I’m not necessarily skilled in any of these areas, but I enjoy them.

This blog will include this content and will also include some of my inner thoughts during my daily life.

This isn’t much of an introduction but it is a very basic look into who I am, but if you want to know more, just wait for future posts!

- Donny Bergin