Feelings And Fails

Where I will just let out what is inside of my mind

[throughtsandfeeling]

Two friends one option

Me and my friends planned to go to a place near us. One of my friends girlfriend wants to invite her best mate. One of my friends hates this person yet they add her on snap chat two years ago and haven't talked to each other since. They say if this friend comes then she wont go. But she doesn't mind this friend. The reason that they don't like the friend is because back in primary school she made her best friend choose between them and they choose the other one.

I personally think it stupid. To hold a grudge over something like that for year and to even get annoyed with them.

[throughtsandfeeling]

Effort

About a year my best friends at the time were going out, I stood up for them. Once the broke I was honestly glad as they were really annoying moaning about other to me. One of them the one I originally stood up for said some extremely offensive towards my disability.

About a year later after we had all fallen out over the situation, I got the blame for their whole relationship falling apart. One of the pair went out with another one of my friends. Then as their going out this friend wants to go back out with the first friend.

I think what I am trying to say some how. Is that if people are your true friends they won’t put any blame on you and see it for how it is. People who are actually in love will never break up intentionally, even if they do they won’t blame it on another person they will see it was their own fault.

[quotemadness]

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”

— Azar Nafisi (via quotemadness)

[throughtsandfeeling]

Emotional pain

Recently, I have found out that I like someone, yet I don’t actually know who it is. All I know that I have feelings towards someone else. I know it sounds a little weird but that’s just how it is for me.

I have been for the last year, a person who tried to have no deep emotions, so naturally when some like this comes across it hurts. But I can say this knowing you like someone but don’t know that person is hurts more than breaking up with someone but less then knowing who but also knowing you can’t be with them.

Recently my friend has entered a new relationship. So I’m naturally quite happy for but at the same time quite jealous because he’s found a match but I’m in this pain.

I know I seem petty but my friend asked me to keep their relationship a secret until they were ready, and people keep asking me to tell them the secret which they have been hiding. So I start to mentally break down.

I just wish that I could actually talk to one of my friends about this instead of having to write my feelings down. But I know no matter who I talk to they won’t take it seriously, they will just think it’s some practical joke or something.

Has anyone else felt the same?

[throughtsandfeeling]

Right and wrong!

Recently I have been an victim to the worst kind of verbal abuse anyone can give. I am a blitural clef lip and plulet. So naturally I’m going to be bullied about that. Which isn’t right regardless.

But very recently, I have just been told by my family that the way my lip is isn’t how it should be. The doctors made it into that just to make me “fit in” more with society. What annoys me about that is that people who have an operation to make them fit into society more never seem to come fitting in more. I believe I found the reason why we can change how we look all the time to try and fit in but that won’t work unless society changes to fit in with us. So for example if I changed my lip again to try and fit in I wouldn’t be that much better as people would still say stuff like “go and get laser lip surgery” but without society changing then this won’t matter because society is where the problem lies not us.

The reason I bring this up is because one of my old mates recently just said said to someone over text that “I should go and have laser lip surgery”. I have been people saying stuff like did the upside down lip challenge fails and stuff that just makes no sense. But when it comes to an ex-friend who you did everything for then there where it hurts the most.

I cane up with a way to try to understand this pain that people who have a massive feature which is different from other peoples. Imagine all the pain you ever felt. Now imagine that all that pain didn’t matter because the only true pain is that which you cannot feel, this is because most of your brains will want to know what this feels like but you’ll never know. Now that is the pain which we feel being verbally assaulted.

[throughtsandfeeling]

Facts from behind

Recently, I have decided to not talk to one of my friends for reasons which I shall not discuss on this post. But I had a discussion with this person a few days ago, they said they didn’t care if we were talking or not.

Ever since then I have some of my other friends come up to me and say that this person wants to be friends with again. Which I personally don’t. But what annoys me is that they won’t come up and tell me themselves. I have also been made aware that this person is writing a letter of apology to me.

In some case writing is good, but those cases are like if the person isn’t always around. In this case I would prefer them to come up to me and tell me themselves rather then writing a letter or getting someone else to do the work for them because that just shows how scared they are to face me.

I could be wrong on that please correct me if I am.

[throughtsandfeeling]

Friends

I was told by one of my friends today, that my best friend was talking to someone that I am trying to avoid talking to at the moment so I can have some space. I did see my best friend talking to this other person but I didn’t really care about it they can be friends with whoever they want it’s their life’s not mine.

But what did annoy me a lot was what they were apparently saying. One of my trusted friends came up to me and told me about my best friend and the other person talking, and said that they were talking behind my back about what kind of person I was. This generally got me, I was kinda upset and disappointed that my best friend would do something like this after all I have done for them.

Also I just want to give a thank you to everyone who reads these posts. This is because this account is just where I come to talk out my feelings and fails through a certain amount of time. So I don’t really expect anyone to read them. So once more thank you!!

[throughtsandfeeling]

Stress

So I’ve talked about me going through a faze where I am trying to improve myself. But during this time I have released that some people are just too mean to even call my friends anymore.

For example, one of my friends who have been my friends for years. Who I have tried to help for years in many different occasions and used to appreciate every time I helped them out. Doesn’t seem to care when I put a lot of effort into trying to help them with question or come up with ways of trying to better grades in one of their subjects. Also have making jokes which kinda offended me as a person and doesn’t even to notice when it does offend me.

I just wished people could understand what we feel like when someone is like this. But they will never now. Will they? Till they go through the exact same thing as we do.

[throughtsandfeeling]

Changes

In recent weeks, I have been trying to improve my self for many different reasons. Such as arguments keep happening which causes my tinnitus to get worse. But ever time I try to stop myself from doing something one of my other friends says something which just sets me back a few hours. It’s gotten to a point now in which I have given up and found that some of the time the arguments are not caused by my personality. Which my friends say it is. But because of others personally. I spent a day with out one of my friends recently and the amount of arguments that have happened have reduced massively. I just wished that people learnt that the problem is not always one person but multiple people.

[throughtsandfeeling]

Another attack in the UK.

In the past two weeks the united kingdom has been hit in two parts of the country. One near to where I live and another in the city that I visited yesterday. To the family and friends of those who were injured or died you have my full support. The people who were actually affected I’m so sorry that you were the people who had to suffer for this.

I visited London with an creative arts group, I’m involved in, yesterday. I was just a bit north of the market area that was attack. The scary thing is that if we had time we were to go to that area. I’m so glad that we didn’t and that we went yesterday and not today.

When I heard about the threat level being reduced I said to a couple of my friends that very soon we will be attack again. Well we were but I didn’t expect it to so soon. If the government want to remove the threat the best plan is to start thinking like them their obviously not going to attack while threat level are critical and army forces are everywhere so there going to wait.

Before I go I would like to say I wish that this didn’t happen to anyone but I do hope that as a nation we can help each other out. Personally, I will support any who has been affected by the recent attacks and will continue to do so. My best regards to the dead tonight. Best wishes to the injured, family and friends of those affacted.

LETS WORK TOGETHER AS A COUNTRY. LETS BE UNITED INSIDE OF THE UNITED KINGDOM FOR A CHANGE.

[chibird]

Letting go of bad energy or bad people is so freeing. It’s like you can breathe again!

[chibird]

Positive words of affirmation can be really important to some people! It’s nice to be reminded, even if you both know already. 

[munch404-blog]

The things you can make from the word “love” is amazing.

This is me drawing a young couple in love ❤️.

[throughtsandfeeling]

Feeling Like A “Bad” Person.

I have been thinking about this lately and I still if I am right to feel like I’m a “bad” person. From the start of 2017, I have been trying to forget about some of my friends due to the fact that they have been distracting me from my learning during class. Or because they have said things that very mean or have even upset the person I love.  Very recently one of my friends have joined me and another set of my friends on Xbox and ever since then they have been becoming more and more selfish and only caring about their happiness before the rest of us. Which is very much like them. After I finished playing with them one night I decide to go onto a previous chat with someone else that I decide to try and forget about. I find out that I sound like a very stupid and very confined person only caring mostly about the people that mean the most to me. 

Does this make me sound like some sort of “bad” person? I honestly do no know.

[throughtsandfeeling]

The bombs in the U.K.

I am near the location where the suicidal bomber was a couple of days ago. I will agree, like any sane person should, that it was horrible what happened to all the people there. I also agree that the country should be on high alert. But what most people don't realise is that if we create panic among our self. We are not only opening our mind to many terrible things but you are giving these people, the people who are bombing us, what they want. The country in fear of what is going to happen. This fuel them to keep on going to not stop attacking us until it becomes no fun to them. People need to remember that these people see this as some kind of sick game. To the people who have suffered from this, the family and friends of those who have been injured, missing or died this must be so hard on you. But to those who are affect both physical and mentally you are the worst of all them. I can only hope that this gets better for you.

[throughtsandfeeling]

Love

Does anyone else have this feeling? That when you love someone so much and they love you. But you are always thinking about them, it's like three quarters of your mind is focused on them at all times. But your love doesn't or at least you don't think so. Does it have just come to your mind? Then one night you have a feeling that something has happened to your loved on but it is probably just you worry so much. But you can't speak to them for a while so you worry like mad.

[thequotejournals]

Appreciate those who don’t give up on you.

Anonymous (via wordsnquotes)