Chantel M. @throwallcautiontothesea-blog - Tumblr Blog

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- Nature blog ^^

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:O I will recreate this in our new bathroom

I don’t usually post personal posts on here anymore but today I feel like I need to.

Since I moved back from university last June I’ve felt like I’ve been in a never ending downwards spiral. Every time I thought I hit rock bottom something else in my life would go wrong or someone close to me would end up going through something awful and since November I’ve been in a place, emotionally and mentally, that I haven’t been in for years. Even though I graduated with a grade I never imagined I’d end up getting I still ended up in a job that drained every ounce of positivity out of me and every other area of my life I worked on seemed to get worse every month. My anxiety and depression took over, I had a nervous breakdown at work and I started to push everyone away because I didn’t want to be around anyone.

I’ve been out of work for 4 months because of an injury which at first made me feel ten times worse because I couldn’t walk or do anything by myself and I hated having to rely on other people. BUT because I was determined not to end up in the state I was when I was younger and didn’t want to end up back in councelling I finally started to try and change the way I was thinking about things (a lot easier said than done).

They’re all situations too personal to go into too much but for example instead of seeing my injury as something bad I realised if it didn’t happen I’d still be in a job and working with people that make me miserable and if it didn’t happen I would have never had 4 months to just completely focus on myself. No doubt I would have ended up a lot worse and probably would have lost my job if things carried on the way they were.

The first two months I had off were awful but then I finally started focusing on myself again. I had more time to spend with family, I had more time to focus on things I enjoy doing, I decided to book a charity skydive as I wanted something positive to focus on and look forward to. I’ve also set myself a goal to start doing more things that scare me. I’ve started meditation and mindset coaching and applying for volunteering opportunities and applying for festivals and events to work at.

I’ve also for the first time in my life started being more honest with people about the way I’m feeling. I no longer have to make up excuses about why I can’t go see friends because I’ve actually had a proper conversation with them about what’s going on and luckily, I have the most understanding friends I could ever wish for.

Long story short I’m SLOWLY starting to feel like myself again and it’s the best feeling. I still have a long way to go but the main point of this post is if you can relate in any way remember; it’s okay to ask for help if you need it AND It’s definitely okay to take time out to focus on yourself.

Explaining what’s going on in your head to other people can be one of the scariest most daunting things in the world especially if you don’t really understand what’s going on yourself but it’s so important to be honest and not bottle it all up. I also can’t recommend self love, meditation and mindset coaching more.

“Everything will be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”