I want to believe that the fact that I don't have anyone is entirely self-inflicted. I have isolated myself to the point of not knowing how to socially interact with others, I am so accustomed to my own tendencies that I am only comfortable being alone. However, human beings are horrible, selfish creatures. No one cares unless it is beneficial to themselves. People have treated me so horribly, the ones who I've called friends have wronged me in ways unimaginable. This is not a cry for attention. Best believe that I don't need a shred of pity from a single soul. This is me coming clean to not only myself, but anyone left who could potentially give a fuck about me: I am dying, I'm slowly killing myself. I need help, but I'm so tired of living that I'm not sure if I want to ask for it. I have never been so depressed in my life. I'm under ninety pounds...which is awesome right? Not when you're almost twenty-years-old and stand five feet, three inches, tall. I just went three days without eating without even realizing it. I don't care about anything, nothing makes me happy--I don't love doing anything anymore. I rely on drugs and alcohol, on a daily basis, to function normally. I have two moods: incredibly pissed off, or dreading anything aside from sleeping--which, by the way I'm too anxious or fucked up to do anymore. No one asks me if I'm good, if I'm okay, or even cares. Again, I don't want attention from a single motherfucker who wants to play pretend with me. I have nothing but hate for any of you who said you'd be there, and have yet to do anything but prove me wrong. This is not me calling anyone out, indirectly. This is my attempt at making amends with my mind. This is me trying to accept that I need to change, even if I don't care to.
