@thuyanhngx - Tumblr Blog

the toxicity of white mediocre fragility

:))

What i have gained from my husband isn’t love, at least not my kind of love.

What i have gained is a lifetime education. Countless texts, article, both philosophical and art criticism. Countless film from narrative to experimental. Countless art show, even 18th century paintings I thought I could never like. Moments when we shared the love for Denis, or Snow or Goddard, and reading Frampton’s, was all priceless to me. We have truly bonded over our mutual love and hate that comes from our dedication for the arts.

For me specifically it has always been a privilege to be a disciple in his film study sessions, especially I know it is taught by a true scholar and a museum curator of film, even before he got as recognizable as he is now. For the past couple years I have always known who to turn to when I forgot a reference.

The year has expanded to me again. There’s works to get done, new teaching job to start, and exhibitions to complete. Incidentally we are also in the most fragile state of our personal life now more than ever. But no matter where we are heading in the future, i know I will always treasure the life with him, to remind me there’s always more to learn, especially when it comes to arts. And for that I am eternally grateful

I forgot why I deliberately avoided Tumblr. It was always therapeutic to let go of toxic anger so I log in again for some cleansing.

Until I saw conversation I used to have with D again and all it does was paining me to my spine. I have forgotten how obsessively I used to be with holding on to memories of people. Looking over every picture, screenshooting every texts, thinking it would last forever, afraid to forget.

Funny enough forgetting is what I’d rather do when it comes to D this day. After screaming matches that expose our differences and unbearable selfish on both my part and hers, we are no longer in each others life. D goes on to be, despite being everything I have loved and possibly still loved about her as a person, everything I have hated and still hate about the art world in NYC. Good thing is she is successful and celebrated and loved by a lot of people, most of them she probably doesn’t even know, while I had deleted my social, got detached from that crowd, and returning to what I truly am, which is a menace to society.

thuyanhngx

First month after every break-up is always the hardest. Especially when it is the month of a double or triple break up. Breaking up ( literally) with a guy, breaking up with friends and breaking up with a studio, breaking up with academia.

I die. Trasition is a painful slow death. Please fast forward. I don’t want to live this part of my life

thuyanhngx

and I thought that was a lot of pain =)

I had no fucking clue =))

i am so fucking sick and tired of good artists being abused. I have lived through it. I know the feeling of powerlessness and fear. it is sickening to see someone going through the same thing esp someone so kind, whose work so brilliant.

had sometimes discussing with Iggy about American art education and why we see all the lazy and vain people and overall terrible artists get in and out of all those “esteemed” American institution all the time

sometimes you go so long without something you don’t even know that’s the thing you needed the most. sometimes you go so long without something it is make you feel that’s the kind of thing not for you, or you’re not worthy of. thanks for reminding me otherwise.

cleansed about 200 people off my friend list today. feel so light and satisfying