Since Harry's House came out, I have come to the conclusion that Matilda is my favorite song. So I listen to it on repeat every day.
I want you to imagine me, a 5'2, 22 yrs old genderqueer goblin, listening to Matilda for the actual 600th time that day, while painting my diy tarot card deck, as one does, and a half thought pops in your head and instead of pushing it aside, I noticed it and ran with it, allowing it to take up my time.
Allow me to explain why I believe Matilda is actually about Zayn. Hear me out.
"You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal", and you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels, nothing about the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming 'til now, so you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal"
Zayn tried to pretend everything was oki while he was in the band, even though he was obviously going through a lot of shit. Yet he continued to smile and act as if nothing was wrong. Harry admitted that he started going to therapy and working on all the trauma from his past, including from being in One Direction. It's very possible Zayn would be a topic he would be working on. And now that he's older, wiser, more mature, he's starting to really see what drove Zayn away.
Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright, but I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside, you showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days, it's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind
After Zayn left, he was constantly asked why he left and all that good shit. He would simply say for his mental health and say he never wanted to be in a band and wasn't happy in the band but accepted the opportunity when it presented itself. But he never really gave a lot of details. The boys would be the only ones that would know just how hurt Zayn was. But after he left Zayn found himself and was happy again. Harry saw that. He saw that he could find himself again and be happy again and still do what he loves.
You're just in time, make your tea and your toast, you framed all your posters and dyed your clothes, ooh, you don't have to go, you don't have to go home, oh, there's a long way to go, I don't believe that time will change your mind, in other words, I know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go
In his house, as we've seen through Gigi, Zayn has used some as his own art as house decor. And his clothing style has changed since his days in 1D. Harry might be trying to say that if Zayn wanted to, he could come back to 1D with the line 'you're just in time, make your tea and your toast'. But then says it's oki if he doesn't want to come back to the band, using home as a symbol for 1D. Saying that the things that hurt him in the past can't hurt anymore if he doesn't give them the power to.
You can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know, and not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love, you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up, mmh
Harry wants him to know its oki to let his past go. That he has every right to cut off anything and everyone that hurt him or might remind him of his trauma. He can celebrate his success with others but not included his 'family', referring to their management team and Harry and the other lads, since it was the management team that made him feel like he wasn't anything more than a way to make millions, and the lads for not being able to comfort and protect him, and possibly if they also had made him feel like they didn't care at all. And he doesn't want Zayn to feel bad for leaving the band and growing up and maturing and for doing what was best for himself, and that Harry isn't mad or hurt about it anymore cause he can see it now.
You can see the world, following the seasons, anywhere you go, you don't need a reason, cause they never showed you love, you don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own
He wants Zayn to understand that he can do what he wants and do what he wants and he doesn't owe anyone an explanation cause he got to where he is now all on his own and he doesn't owe anyone else credit for his success.
You can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know, you can start a family who will always show you love, you don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own
You can let it go, you can throw a party full of everyone you know, you can start a family who will always show you love, you don't have to be sorry, no
These last two parts are basically the same as before but Harry's saying that he's proud and happy for Zayn for finally feeling stable enough to settle down with the person he loves and starting a family and that Zayn finally has a family that will love him unconditionally and defend him and protect him and the support system that he deserves and the support system that he and the other boys should have been when Zayn needed them. And if Zayn still feels like he owes the boys an apology for leaving and searching, and finding, what he needed and deserved when he couldn't find it within the band, within the 4 boys who were supposed to be just like brothers to him, then Harry needs him to let that feeling go and see that he and the others, and even us fans, are not owed anything and that he never has to apologize for protecting himself.
Matilda was Harry's apology for being cold and angry with Zayn for leaving, his way of forgiving him even though there was nothing to forgive, and his way of letting Zayn know how happy and how massively proud he is of the person Zayn is now.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Ilysm 🤍
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