9 Things Learned from My First 9 Months in the Scene
With the weather warming up, it’s a reminder that I’ve been an active member of the scene for almost a year. In the grand scheme of thing, I’ve only just started to dip my toe into this exploration, but in such a short amount of time, there’s been lessons and realizations that have come out of each experience.
1. Daddy and Mommy aren’t words to throw around haphazardly. They’re a dynamic that is to be earned, respected and continuously nurtured. Hearing it said in so many clips and stories desensitized the role for me until I got to know other people that partake in that special dynamic.
2. Sometimes the implements you’ve been terrified of trying become the ones your body craves the most.
3. Labels are pretty much useless- each person you interact with can unleash a different segment of your being. Some can turn me into a contrite little girl with stern look from across the room, while others bring out the authoritative voice with an itch to discipline. It’s not the gender or the sexuality that attracts people- it’s their chemistry.
4. Friendships in the scene are more intense than vanilla relationships. For the first time, I’ve been able to talk openly about everything in my life without being afraid of judgement. There aren’t words to describe what it feels like to be able to stand in front of someone and know that your honesty won’t scare them away. Especially when you’re deepest, darkest secret is theirs too.
5. Finding a place in the community can be tricky, just like with any social group. There’s predetermined dynamics and inside jokes, history that predates your arrival but sets the current tone, and compatibility that needs to be determined. But it’s worth it.
6. Red flags and intuition are not to be dismissed. It’s easy for our internal navigation to be clouded by sub-frenzy or an overpowering yearning for connection. Never let your cravings override your conscious.
7. There are opportunities for your fantasies to be made into a reality during a scene or dynamic. You’ll be lying their across a lap, or spread out across a bed trying to hide your face out of embarrassment, trying to process what is actually occurring. Sometimes the experience surpasses every expectation, while other times it can be unsettling when the outcome doesn’t live up to those longtime daydreams. Not to worry though, with every experience, new ideas of play are generated.
8. Drop is real, and it is a motherfucker. I didn’t learn what aftercare or drop was until a few months after I started playing. Not knowing what was happening to me after those first few experiences was terrifying.
9. No matter how weird, bizarre, obscure your desire may seem, there are other people in the world that are into the same thing. Seriously, scrolling through FetLife is proof that when it comes to fetishes, there’s a community for everyone. Self-shaming isn’t easy to break, but surrounding yourself with others who ‘get it’ is the first step towards stopping.
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