⊕ Lucent In Tenebris ⊕

Age 38, ex-military, man-for-hire. You have the money, I have the bullets, ethics are for the average man. I am here for clients and for colleagues. Inquire for more information. Pre-Moriarty Track Tag: tigersandbullets NSFW Under Read More M!A: None (Open for Recommendation) Deactivated 7/10/2013 We'll miss you guys. Thank you for all the support these past 8 months. Sebby was my baby, my first rp account, and we'd like to thank our loyal 400 followers for sticking around for the fun as long as they did. We've enjoyed every adventure! Thank you guys! -KT

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Thank you guys again x1000000000000!!! We'll miss you!

- The Mun Katie

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Napoleon Never Cooked. [Benji & Seb]

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Benji pulled back from the embrace, eyes wide and jaw agape. Had Sebastian really just said that? He looked into his lover’s eyes, going over those four words in his head. 

Tell me to quit.

How could he do that? How could he ask that of him? It felt wrong. He knew what it was like to have someone try to make him change to fit their standards. How could he go and do that to Sebastian? 

"Seb… I-I can’t do that… I can’t ask you to do that…" he replied, keeping hold of Seb’s hand.

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He bit the inside of his lower lip, looking close at Benji as he pulled away from him. He kept looking into his eyes, his heart pounding. He'd never made such a request from anyone. He'd meant to do this to John, he'd meant to, because he knew he felt that way about his work. He didn't want Benji to live this life beside him without the knowledge that he at least had the option, the power to make Sebastian Moran lay down his gun. Only Benjamin Dunn had that power.

"Why?" He demanded as gently as he could, unable to understand what made this so difficult for his lover.

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Napoleon Never Cooked. [Benji & Seb]

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"I know that, but I’m not going to expect you to change anything about that." Benji replied. It felt like they were stuck. Benji saw three options, only one of them sounding appealing. One, the one Benji favoured, they could go about their lives together, Benji going along just dealing with Seb’s job. Two, Seb could change things about his life, but Benji did not want that. Or three, the one Benji hated the thought of, the relationship ending. He did not want that at all, he loved Sebastian too much to let this go. 

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"Benj.." He sighed, nuzzling against him, keeping him near. "You might be able to live with it, but I can't say I will. I won't be able to sleep knowing that you're putting up with one of the biggest parts of who I am, knowing that your stomach turns at the very idea of my work, I can't, Benj." This was difficult, so difficult, he didn't want to ruin what they had because it was real, but he didn't want to force them to live in a fantasy where everything was fine, because it wasn't, he knew Benji wasn't ok with it. "Tell me to quit."

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Techs and their texts. [Benji & Sebastian]

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"It’s ok." he replied, wrapping his arms around Sebastian and pulling him close. “You don’t have to apologise." He understood why he hadn’t told him. He just had to reassure the man that everything would be ok. 

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He held him near, took in his scent, and then wrapped his arms even more around him. He kissed his throat and nodded. "I love you..."

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Napoleon Never Cooked. [Benji & Seb]

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He looked down at their joined hands and sighed. 

"It scares me." he replied, not looking back up at his lover. “That’s the gods honest truth. What you do scares me. But… I trust you. I love you. And like I said. I’m prepared to really do this and deal with this because I love you." He kept his head down, hoping that it was enough for Seb.

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He held his hand tightly in return, kissing the side of his head while listening. "I love you, Benj... and because I love you I don't want you to deal with anything. I don't want you to suffer because of what I do. I don't want you having moments in your day where you start feeling sick just at the thought of where I am and what I'm doing for a living. I shouldn't expect you to deal with it."

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tigersandbullets started following you.

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Sherlock reached to his cheek and attempted to wipe it off, but knew that he was only succeeding in smearing it on his his face. He sighed. “I wish you hadn’t done that," he muttered.  Grabbing a towel, he made his way over to the table, sitting, wiping his face.

"Serve me."

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"Why?" Sebastian pestered, unable to help himself. He did his best not to help swipe the frosting off himself. "I'm a butler now, I see." He replied with a grin, giving Sherlock a look. He looked too the delicate and pristine chocolate cake, pondering on his options before glancing toward the kitchen drawers and pulling out two forks, tossing one onto the table before Sherlock, while taking his own and pressing it into the cake. He ate the chunk and found his seat again, letting out a sigh. "It tastes better this way."

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Napoleon Never Cooked. [Benji & Seb]

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Benji gave a soft smile back, glad to know that Sebastian was happy. “I’m fine. Happy knowing you’re happy." He gave a slight chuckle.

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He bit his lip carefully, looking over Benji's face. "I'm sorry... I have a lot of skeletons in the closet, quite literally." He thought of cracking a smile but decided against it. He took Ben's hands in his own and squeezed them reassuringly. "Just... like I said earlier, I need you to tell me how you honestly feel."

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tigersandbullets started following you.

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Sherlock watched the man work with the cake. He wasn’t a baker? The liar. He moved as if he had some experience in this particular skill. At least there didn’t seem to be any hint of cognitive disability, unless it was manifesting as a skill of cake dressing.

His brow raised at the comment.  "Oh? I wasn’t aware of that. Maybe I won’t pay you for the other have of the plutonium," he said with a smirk.

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Sebastian was quick on his feet, as well as his sass, and smirked right back. He lifted the frosting knife and swiped a large glob right onto Sherlock's pale cheek. "Once a deal is made there are no take backs, Holmes." He chuckled, licking the knife clean after and tossing it in the sink. He slid the cake onto the serving dish and set it on the kitchen table, giving Sherlock a devious and cocky stare afterward.

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Home. [John & Sebastian]

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John nodded his head, wrapping an arm around Sebastian’s waist, resting his head briefly against the other’s chest, sighing softly. “Yeah— bed and sleep, just for a little bit, I promised Mike I was going to the pub with him later on." He mumbled, pulling his boyfriend into the direction of their bedroom. “Although I’m sure it won’t be a disaster if I cancel …"

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Sebastian smiled, keeping his partner close with a strong arm, and stepped along beside him too the room. He felt a wave of relief when he was finally there with John, and glanced when he spoke of Mike. It was sad to hear, but he made up for it immediately after. "I don't think it would, though." He kissed the roof of his head, nuzzling his chin against the blond hair. "I want to be with you..."

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Napoleon Never Cooked. [Benji & Seb]

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He shook his head. “No… Talking about ex partners isn’t… It’s not exactly something people go out of their way to discuss…" he replied. “You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to. Just as long as you’re happy now… I want you to be happy." His voice was soft and he pressed his forehead to Sebastian’s, letting out a shaky breath. 

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Sebastian smiled, in a gracious way, kissing Benji's cheek in thanks immediately after. He was so happy he understood. "I am happy now. Happier, in fact." Seb assured, pressing in return. "Are you ok?"

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Techs and their texts. [Benji & Sebastian]

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Benji faltered, knowing that he couldn’t promise something like that. It was ridiculous, in all honesty. At any point, Benji could be killed on a mission, or hell, even when he wasn’t on a mission. Just like the same could happen to Sebastian. Neither of them could promise to always be around, but they just had to take each day at a time. 

"I’m sorry for scaring you… I didn’t realise." he whispered. “But I do now…. And I promise to always try to respond to your calls…" Never again did he want to see the fear he had seen in Seb’s eyes when he had opened that door. It hurt him too much. 

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Sebastian gently shook his head and took a deep breath, leaning down to kiss Benji affectionately. "It's my fault... I should have told you sooner." He moved his hands to Benji's shoulders and rubbed across his arms, hoping to put him at some ease. He licked his lips before speaking again. "I'll um... try and not freak out like that again. You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry."

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Home. [John & Sebastian]

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John sighed as he watched Seb curl up on the sofa, shaking his head a little. “You’re going to do your back in." He commented, shaking his head once more before continuing to pick up some plates, putting them into the dishwasher, finishing up about ten minutes later.

"Get your arse off the sofa." He said, looking over at his boyfriend as he closed the dishwasher, smiling faintly.

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Sebastian grinned when John voiced his concern. He always felt special when the doctor took his health into consideration, even if it was warranted or not, it was a simple way to know he cared. He remained on the couch, happy and comfy, only opening his eyes when John approached him after cleaning. "Right." He muttered and sat up, stifling a grunt, before standing up and coming to John's side. "Bed? Sleep?" Seb muttered, nuzzling against him.

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Techs and their texts. [Benji & Sebastian]

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Benji pulled back from the embrace and held Sebastian’s face in his hands. “No. You’re not gonna lose me." He promised, shaking his head. “You won’t lose me."

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"How... how can you promise me that?" Sebastian asked, so very hesitantly, nuzzling closer to his lover. "Benj..."

He moved his hands up his back, keeping him close, and his blue eyes remained trapped in Benji's matching pair. Life had been spent solo for so long, Sebastian could trust that he had control, but with Benji now included in his decisions and thoughts... it concerned him way more than it should. The only saving grace was that Benjamin was a capable agent, riddled with scars and experience, but Sebastian still never wanted to risk his life, not for him, not ever.

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Napoleon Never Cooked. [Benji & Seb]

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Benji felt some relief when Sebastian began to explain. He sensed that there might be some feelings there on Seb’s part, however the words he spoke gave him reassurance. He closed his eyes and leant into the touch on his cheek, breathing out. Reaching up, he took the hand on his cheek in his own and opened his eyes again.

"I’m sorry…" He whispered, unsure of what he was apologising for, however he just had to say something.

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Sebastian immediately shook his head and sighed again, feeling Benji's hair. "No, I'm sorry, I should have told you. He was the um... first man I ever loved." He shifted again, trying to explain without ruining things more. "He didn't love me the same, he had a best friend and moved on, and so I moved on too."

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Techs and their texts. [Benji & Sebastian]

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His heart was aching for Sebastian. It hurt to hear of the pain he had gone through, the reality of what he had sacrificed. He wrapped his arms around Seb’s shoulders, pulling him into his embrace. 

"I’m so sorry, Sebastian…" he whispered into his partner’s ear. “I’m so sorry." 

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Sebastian held Benji tight against him then and kissed his throat once, nodding. "No, it's fine, I learned from my mistakes... I was just fortunate my family didn't suffer from the lesson. Since then I've been doing what I can to start over, throw off their scent, but um... business being as good as it's been, I'm sort of becoming an easy target again... no pun intended." He shook his head and kissed Benj delicately, with care. "I don't want to lose you... I can't, not now."

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Napoleon Never Cooked. [Benji & Seb]

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Benji stared at Seb, eyes wide as he waited for an explanation. The hesitation in Sebastian’s response made Benji worry. Was this John someone else in Seb’s life, someone who he also loved, or worse…

Someone who meant more to him than Benji? 

Did the man he was willing to give up anything for love someone else? 

All of these questions spun around in Benji’s mind, enough to make him dizzy as he pulled back slightly. He gripped the table a little, unsure of what was going through Seb’s mind at that moment. He tried to read his facial expressions, tried to gauge what might be in his thoughts, but it was impossible. He swallowed hard as Sebastian finally spoke up. 

‘Was’. 

That word gave him some comfort, but he still felt uneasy. It seemed clear that the man still felt something there. And the main question for Benji now was should he be worried about this? He was not ready to get his heart broken. 

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Sebastian exhaled heavily, nervous from not hearing an immediate response from Ben, but he couldn't blame him. He faced him again, surfacing from the heavy low he'd just suffered.

"He's with another man and he's happy... and so am I." Sebastian said, raising his hand again to feel over Benji's cheek. "I love you... I'm sorry I never mentioned him before. He's been out of my life for a good year now."

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tigersandbullets started following you.

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Sherlock cleared his throat and shrugged. “You’re the only person willing to do anything for me, even if it is for a price," he mutttered. He glanced over the length of the man’s body before focusing on his work of spreading about the icing. 

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Sebastian focused on laying an even layer of chocolate icing across the equally dark brown cake, satisfied that the two tears had layered together nicely. After a thoughtful pause he spoke again, "Ya know, the price bit has always been optional for you."