Half-Baked Potato Drabbles

Side blog for my Hide needs

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I liked a bunch of your posts so I can read them later tonight. I’m a little swamped for time, but I love your writing style! 🧡🧡 Gonna reblog ‘em after I read them so I can tag them well. 😊

Oh my lord ;__; thank you! And I hope you'll have fun reading, good fella! 🤗

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I wish we could see Hide drive a car or something. He'd be the coolest driver ever and Kaneki also gets to hold Hide's hand or maybe kisses him cutely while our boy drives.

That’s cute! But also,

Hide, driving:

[tim-drabble-vault]

HC that Kaneki and Hide would sleep in the same bed and talk about their suppressed feelings from time to time after the war.

Kaneki snuggles deeper under the blanket, looking at Hide with tired eyes. “Hide, what do you do when you feel down?”

“Sadness can’t catch me. I avoid it by doing the naruto run,” Hide says proudly.

[tim-drabble-vault]

How do you picture Kaneki or Hide proposing if they were canon?

Hide: As your boyfriend–

Kaneki: I don’t have a boyfriend

Hide: W-what…?

Kaneki: I only have a husband *gets down on one knee and presents a ring* babe, will you marry me?

Hide: Oh my god… You got me a yugioh ring…

Kaneki: Nothing but the finest quality for you, babe

[tim-drabble-vault]

Stop making fics that seem all soft and nicr at first but then crush my bones and heart and head by the end :

(◕ᴗ◕✿) I shan’t. 

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Hi I love your hidekane drabbles so so much and they’re absolutely beautiful! Heart-wrenching and yet soft. Thank you so much for writing such beautiful pieces ❤️😭 they absolutely mean the world to me

T^T Thank you!! If people enjoy my silly little fics, then it’s good enough for me <3

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You're story about Hide being happily single gave me the closure that I needed to accept how the manga ended

Owww, anon ;c Idk how the manga ended lol but I’m glad it gave you closure ^^

[tim-drabble-vault]

When it comes to their son, Kaneki stops assuming things and simply asks the boy what he truly wishes to say. So Kaneki tucks in his son, pats the boy's head and spares a fleeting kiss to his forehead before Kaneki gently drops the question.

"Okay, what is it?" his son gives Kaneki a huffy look. He's learned that from Hide.

"Can you tell papa that I say good'ight?"

Kaneki chuckles. "You could tell him that yourself." 

The young boy shakes his head profusely. "No way! I'm a big boy now! It's embarrassing to say goodnight to your parents!"

Kaneki rolls his eyes. Yeah, that's dramatic tendency there? Their son's learned that from him. "So does that mean there's no goodnight kiss for me as well, my good sir?" Kaneki teases. 

His son's eyes widen. The child quickly babbles incoherently before he hides his face under the blanket. Kaneki grins; his joy is so bright he might as well be blinded by it.

"Night, love," Kaneki whispers gently. He's near the door when he hears the soft 'g'night' from his son. Kaneki closes the door and heads towards his and Hide’s bedroom. 

Inside, he's greeted by Hide's crooked grin and the usual mischief in his eyes. Beautiful is always the first word that comes to mind whenever Kaneki looks at his husband. 

Kaneki walks towards the bed and tenderly brushes his fingers against the picture frame; slipped neatly inside is a decade-old photo of Hide. The worth is immeasurable to Kaneki. He stares at the photo for a long while.

"You know," Kaneki says, his voice is like a distant hum, "I couldn't save you when the ghouls were-- I just want you to know, Hide, in my books--... I've saved you in every book I've written. I didn't fail you. I got to you before anything could happen.”

Kaneki kneels and studies the photo of his husband. In the picture, Hide’s precious smile is immortalized.

"Every single time, Hide, I swear. You're alive. In all of my books. I saved you. I just want you to know that. I saved you every time.”

[tim-drabble-vault]

"Remember that time when I said that we'd seal our happy ending with a marriage?"

"Uh-huh."

"It's really happening, huh? We really are getting married."

"Kaneki, love. We had to stop the wedding. There was an assassination attempt and you got stabbed. Four times. And I'm pretty sure two of our guests just died from blood loss." 

"They're not dead. They just fainted."

"I'm pretty sure--"

"Anyway," Kaneki hastily interrupts. He removes his hand from his abdomen, the wound is already closing. He grins at his fiancé. "At least I killed the ghouls, right?"

"Kaneki--"

"We can still get married," Kaneki assures confidently. 

"Riiiight." Hide sighs. He's tired, he's dirty, his back hurts and they've got a mess to fix and okay, assassination attempts happen all the time but the one that's happened during their wedding? It's just cruel. This place is in disorder, most of their guests have fled and only very few people have stayed to help them clean the mess.

He can feel Kaneki's eyes on him but Hide's too miserable to care about it. Instead, he sulks and mumbles to himself. 

"We can still get married," Kaneki assures again. He reaches out to play with Hide's hair and the blond just groans. 

Hide looks at the other; the ghoul has that same big and bright smile he often wears when the joy in his chest is infinite. 

"Nishiki can officiate our wedding," Kaneki plainly says. His eyes fall on the surprised ghoul.

Nishiki himself looks as bruised and dirty as them, having fought at Kaneki's side previously. But the fatigue doesn't dim down his annoyance at Kaneki's words. 

"I'm not going to officiate anything."

"Yeah!" Hide agrees. "He can't officiate our wedding! He's an atheist!"

"That's fuc-"

“Of course he can. He’s my second-in-command,” Kaneki answers flatly. He gives Nishiki a determined look.

"Please, Nishiki." Kaneki doesn't beg, of course, but the soft defeated tone is enough to make Nishiki wilt. He looks at Kaneki before the older ghoul curses and reluctantly agrees.

Kaneki smirks and gives Hide a wink. Hide rolls his eyes. Kaneki’s getting good at that. 

"All right. Come here." Nishiki drops down on one of the ruined chairs as he beckons them closer. Kaneki grabs Hide's fingers, carefully holding them with his, and pulling Hide with him. They stand in front of Nishiki. 

Nishiki begins tiredly, "Do you, Kaneki--"

"Wait, you're just going to skip to the last part?" Kaneki asks.

"--Ken, take this dumbass," Nishiki waves his hand dismissively at Hide, "as your husband?" Nishiki says offhandedly, ignoring Hide's sudden outburst.

"I do," Kaneki replies. All heart and boundless confidence. Like it's the only thing that matters. 

"And you, Nagachika, do you take this guy as your husband?"

"Duh."

"Great. Now you two idiots are husbands. Congrats. I'm going home." Nishiki stands up and heads towards the exit. 

Hide inhales deeply, fixing his tattered tie. When he gives Kaneki an almost bashful look, it's a sentiment that's returned by his husband. Wow. Husband.

Look at them, in love with each other for years and suddenly they're shy and hopeless, like a new couple sitting across one another, wondering when it's the right time to kiss.

But they're married. They're husbands so Hide doesn't hesitate when he leans forward and playful presses a kiss on Kaneki’s lips. Kaneki blinks, and then he grins and he sneakily puts his arms around Hide's waist. Kaneki returns the favor. 

Kissing Kaneki is a simple thing but it's enough for now. Besides, all extraordinary things start from simple beginnings. 

[tim-drabble-vault]

Hide carries with him three precious things. They aren't even his.

The first item is a black marker pen. It's old and the ink is already dried but Hide keeps it and brings it anywhere with him. Sometimes when he sits, he feels the marker protruding from his pocket and Hide pats the spot gently.

He remembers his father's words ‘keep this for me until I get back, okay?’ But his father never comes back and Hide doesn't know what to do with the marker. So he just carries it.

When he loses it, Hide cries and Kaneki asks what's wrong and Hide says, "my stomach hurts" because he can't find the words to describe the feeling he gets when he knows he’s just lost something precious he’ll never get back.

The second item is a book, Black Goat's Egg, signed by Takatsuki Sen. Hide doesn't like reading that much but he's a curious soul so he browses the pages - interest garnered - and he begins to read it.

Hide doesn't reach the end though. The story is too dark for him. He closes it and he envisions Kaneki; sitting in his bed, book in his lap, windows wide, and the wind is gentle. It's a lovely sight to behold.

Hide smiles. His scars hurt. He sends the book to his friend. He hopes Haise Sasaki appreciates it.

The third item is a can of coffee. Hide's keeping it for Ikuma because sometimes Ikuma forgets to take care of himself. Especially when the music comes to life and the sun brightens and under the trees in the middle of the city, Ikuma sits and strums his guitar and let the tune dance.

People stop and go but Hide always sits next to his friend. He can't sing any longer so Ikuma sings a little louder for both of them and this moment is the most precious thing of all. He gives the last can of coffee to Ikuma.

The ghoul blinks at him and smiles softly.

"You're leaving," he says. It's not a question. Hide signs, 'yes'. He's probably not coming back. Ikuma leans closer and kisses Hide's cheek. Hide feels an insurmountable amount of sadness at the tenderness and he allows it to nestle in his chest. Ikuma is always too kind.

In another world, I could have been happy with him.

(He never gets to keep anything important to him)

Years later, when the world is at peace, Hide travels the world. He stands in the middle of the desert sand dune, a grin on his face as he watches the golden color painting his vision. He picks up his camera and snaps a picture.

He's not going to live forever but these pictures will last a lifetime. He hears almost nothing but the sound of heavy footsteps behind him.

"Hide, I love you, but this is just too much. I'm going to die," Kaneki whines. "There's nothing here but sand, and sand, and sand, and, oh! Yes, more sand."

Hide laughs at the other. "Giving up already? We've still got so many places to visit." Kaneki makes a face. Hide laughs some more. His scars don't hurt as much. "No one told you to follow me." Hide grins. Kaneki rolls his eyes.

Hide takes another step forward and Kaneki follows him because Kaneki says he goes where Hide goes and Hide lets him because he likes looking back and knowing that Kaneki will always be there.

(Kaneki looks at Hide when he laughs; the sunlight falls on Hide and his hair looks like a messy bunch of flowers put together; bright and devouring and everlasting sunbeams and Kaneki is utterly in love. He wonders if Hide knows he has Kaneki's heart in the palm of his hand)

(That’s the one thing Hide gets to keep forever)

[tim-drabble-vault]

Hide's first thought is: ah, shit. We've definitely crashed the wrong wedding again.

Hide's second thought is: the man escorting us out is ripped. Those arms. Damn. 

Hide's last thought is: Yoriko owes me big time. Again. 

He finally glances at a stricken Yoriko. The girl is reading a small white card (Hide doesn't want to know how she’s managed to 'acquire' it) while resting her giant water gun on her shoulder. 

The man behind them is quiet. Probably confused, too. Yet he follows his instruction well: make sure Hide and Yoriko leave the wedding venue peacefully. 

"I don't understand. I got the address right! It should have been Takeomi's wedding we crashed! Not someone else's!" Yoriko laments. 

"Let me see." Hide snatches the card from her and reads it instead. His eyes narrow. "You got the date wrong, you idiot. You're two weeks too early. This is ridiculous."

"What?" Yoriko snatches it back. She inspects it and whispers, "Oh." 

Hide sighs. "You know, it'd be a lot easier if you just tell him not to go along with this arranged marriage thing, right? Kuroiwa loves you."

"But that's-" Yoriko pipes in, stops, and then her shoulders droop. "That's too much of a work."

"And crashing a wedding is not?" Hide blurts out. "Seriously. What's the story? You two dated. Then broke up. Then dated again. Then broke up again. But this time the guy's forced to marry a girl of his mother's choosing? There's a whole ass b-rated drama going on here." 

Yoriko ignores him and continues to pout in quietly. Oh well. Hide's got a more important matter to focus on right now. He looks over his shoulder. The man is still following them. Hide grins. 

"I like your eyebrows," he starts as an icebreaker. 

The man blinks. "I'm sorry?"

"You like guys?" Hide quickly blurts out. The man tilts his head, observing Hide as if he’s is trying to undo Hide inside out. And well, Hide is not expecting the amused gaze from the other. His lips purse into a small grin.

"I sure do," he answers, voice light. 

"Great! Awesome." Hide plucks the card from Yoriko's hand, procures his emergency pen from his pocket, and writes down his number on it. He ignores Yoriko's low 'Hide, really? Now? This isn't the time to scout for a dick', which is whatever. The man is ripped. And his eyebrows are pretty. His eyes are even prettier. 

So yeah, Hide wants to get to know the man. He hands over the card, now with his number scribbled behind it. The man easily takes it.

"The name's Nagachika Hideyoshi. But you can call me Hide."

"Kaneki Ken. Kaneki is fine," he replies. Kaneki finally lets out a small chuckle. "You're a walking disaster. You crashed my friend's wedding." 

Hide winces. "Uh, sorry?"

"Don't be. Rize deserved it," Kaneki happily says. Hide's eyes brighten and he decides to be a little bolder.

"A shy first kiss happens only after a third date," Hide tuts. "I'm not an easy man to please." 

Kaneki chuckles some more. This time, he's walking next to Hide. Their steps are slower than Yoriko's as they exchange pleasantries, shoulders touching and hips bumping. And yeah, Hide likes Kaneki's personality, too, so it's a big win for him.

When they're finally outside, Yoriko leaves with her ridiculously big water gun and a bad mood. Hide leaves with Kaneki's number and a promised date.

Two weeks later, he and Yoriko crash another wedding. Hide just goes along with Yoriko because he loves his dearest friend. 

But at least this time, Kaneki joins them. It's his and Kaneki's third date after all and what's a better way to spend it than crashing a wedding together?

(Hide finally gets his kiss, too. That's the best part)

[tim-drabble-vault]

Hide finds a quiet and secluded spot to rest.

He's surprised no one has taken the corner but then again party means mingling and so people are scattered about, burying themselves in a group and chattering aimlessly. 

Hide sighs and fixes his tie. When he hears familiar approaching footfalls, Hide looks up and smiles a gentle smile at Kaneki. 

"You forgot your cakes," Kaneki reprimands softly. He puts the silver plate on Hide's laps because Kaneki knows him well enough that if he puts it somewhere else, Hide will forget about it again. Kaneki studies him; searches Hide's face before Kaneki's gaze falls to Hide's red twisting scars and slowly, he lets out a guilty but curious smile.

"You don’t hide your scars anymore."

Hide's only response is a shrug. Kaneki takes his leave and the silence returns like creeping waves. He stays there for a while, songs and merry voices are like distant tunes in the background. When he hears someone approaching him again, Hide expects it to be Kaneki. 

It's not. 

Yoriko stands there, smiling widely at him; her hands on her ever-growing abdomen. She's carrying and she's bright and full of life. Pregnancy looks good on Yoriko. Her husband is a lucky man.

She takes her seat next to him and grabs Hide's plate, carefully grabbing the fork and eating the sweets carefully. 

"Hey, that's mine." Hide pouts. 

Yoriko hums. "Not like you're going to eat it," she says and keeps eating the precious sugary treasure. It's quiet again. And then Yoriko speaks, "Your scars are healing."

"I suppose."

Hide looks at her and she just raises her eyebrows at him. "Tell me the heroic tale of how you got your scars."

Hide laughs. He almost chokes. Yoriko just blinks at him, confused.

"What?" Then she falters. "Was-- was that too forward or--"

"No no, it's okay." Hide wipes the lingering tears. Funny. Sweet Yoriko assumes everyone is eager to talk about their scars because scars are something you should be proud of. She's always too kind. 

"I got mine when I tried to save the man I love."

"Oh!" Yoriko's smile brightens. A little bit sad, too. 'The man he loves' she mutters gently and asks, "Who is he?" 

"That one," Hide whispers, pointing at the man standing in the middle of the room. Yoriko cheerily follows his line of sight and like a wilted flower, her smile slowly diminishes until it disappears completely. 

She doesn't tear her eyes away from Kaneki, who's standing happily next to his wife with his son in his arms as he speaks comfortably to Yomo; easy and at ease, like nothing in the world can hurt him. The man Hide's in love with. 

Yoriko looks back at Hide and the revelation in her eyes is so raw and saddening to look at. Yoriko is always too kind. 

She puts the empty plate on the table and - ever so kindly - takes Hide's hand in hers. Their fingers touch, strong and tender, and Hide clenches her hand tighter, soaking in Yoriko's offered kindness. 

Yoriko doesn't say ‘Kaneki should have picked you’ because Kaneki is married to her best friend and Yoriko cares for her friend's joy so instead she says, "Well, he’s not that cute. You could definitely do better."

Hide quickly puts his hand on his mouth but the sound already has escaped him. Now he laughs with a fist of joy encloses around his broken heart. Yoriko grins at him. 

Eyes are on them.

Hide takes a deep breath and exhales; his chest is lighter. "Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right."

Mistakes are made. Sometimes someone falls in love with the wrong person for the right reasons and that’s okay. But Yoriko is right, given time, he can do better. 

[tim-drabble-vault]

Hide knows ghouls bow down to Kaneki. But he's never witnessed such a spectacle before - until now.

Kaneki stands amongst his people, eyes surveying the ghouls as they kneel before him. Kaneki speaks, his speech is short but precise; voice determined and assertive. The very definition of a regal silver king.

Then his eyes flicker to Hide's and the king's gaze momentarily softens - as if the king is staring at something so reverently precious. Hide tilts his head down at that. Unused to such an open affection.

Later in his room, Hide sits on his bed, massaging his foot. It's been a long, stressful day and it has not been easy to maintain the newly-built fragile peace. Hide hears someone enters his room and he looks up to see Kaneki closing the door behind him. He observes Hide steadily before his eyes fall on Hide's foot.

“Busy day?” Kaneki asks.

Hide sighs. He carefully tries to conceal the scars behind his bandana. “You have no idea. Marude barely gave anyone a break. Especially me.”

Kaneki beams warmly at Hide. He moves towards the human and kneels down in front of Hide. The blond opens his mouth but the words are heavy on his tongue. Kaneki gently grasps one of Hide's heels and applies soft pressure to it, eyes suddenly mischievous. 

Kaneki rubs Hide’s toe playfully and the human chuckles a bit, ticklish, but no no no, this is wrong-- Hide quickly grabs Kaneki's shoulders and motions the king to stand up. Kaneki obliges, staring down at Hide, confused.

“Hide, what--”

“What are you doing?” Hide asks ridiculously. “Kaneki, you're a king. You kneel to no one. Ever.”

Kaneki blinks. Then wordlessly, he takes his previous position, kneeling down once more; eyes so affectionately tender as he looks up at Hide.

Hide inhales loudly. “Kaneki,” he reprimands.

“You're not just anyone, Hide,” Kaneki states. “In your presence, I'm not a king. I'm your lover. I am yours. I am yours, Hide. There are no duties or titles between us.”

Kaneki reaches forward to pecks Hide's forehead as quick as a wink. Hide's face reddens and Kaneki seems to take pleasure in that.

Resigned, Hide links his arms around Kaneki’s neck and rests his head on Kaneki’s shoulder. Kaneki hums and puts his hands on Hide's back, protective and warmth. Time stretches on and on.

At this moment, they are celestials, like gods without destinies and boundaries; the joy he feels is endless. When Hide chuckles, his cheeks hurt and his scarred mouth curls into a sincerest smile. He might as well be on the clouds, on the moon. 

Hide might as well have the gentlest kind of epilogue in the palms of his hands.

[tim-drabble-vault]

Kaneki broke up with Hide about a year ago.

Or maybe it was longer than that. It didn't matter. He woke up an hour ago and it was a good morning and a good morning should be spent wisely. Like enjoying music.

Hide stretched and yawned, humming to the song on the radio before he increased the volume; the tune was unbound and light. Bob Marley, Hide thought and smiled to himself. Kaneki used to mouth the lyrics.

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.

Hide started dancing a little bit. He only stopped when his gaze fell on the picture hanging on the wall; of him and Kaneki standing so close to one another, taken years ago. They weren't together at that time, just two best friends sharing a gentle, naive love. Hide didn't put the picture away because it was okay now and looking at Kaneki no longer hurt him.

(Thank you, Kaneki had said when Hide accepted his confession. I'm sorry, Kaneki had whispered when he ended their relationship.)

Sure. Yeah. Kaneki broke up with him.

Now, Hide lived alone. He woke up alone. He listened to his music alone. He had dinner alone. He did his grocery alone. He did most things alone. People thought he was lonely. They were wrong, of course. Hide felt free and when he smiled for all the little silly things that brought him joy, Hide smiled for himself. He didn't lose everything. Hide had learned to stop viewing Kaneki Ken as the shape of his happiness and he'd succeeded.

Now, Hide got to live. He got to live. And it felt so good.

[tim-drabble-vault]

"They have Nagachika," Nishiki states quickly.

Kaneki's movement comes to a complete halt; fingers twitch and face ashen. The room is slowly shrouded in uncertainty and a cold revelation. Hide? His Hide? Taken?

Ayato hisses. "I told you. I told you we should have crushed those ghouls before they came--"

"Ayato," Nishiki warns him. Kaneki is grateful for that. He can't think properly like this. Not when--

"Maybe we should-- what? Make a deal? Maybe bargain with them?" Banjou suggests weakly.

At that, Kaneki quickly looks up. His eye bleeds red and his chest is drowned in darkened misery; raw with anger and fear. Bargain? After they've taken what Kaneki loves above all else? Never.

"No. No bargaining. Gather the others. We're getting Hide back," he finally orders.

Tsukiyama observes him, seemingly more confused than anything. "Then what? Kaneki, you're sending our people to die for a human? Yes, he is your friend but the lives of many worth so much more than just one--"

"Not to me." Kaneki's voice is so dangerously low. He has to refrain himself from snarling at the other. "Nothing in this world worth the cost of Hide's life," Kaneki confesses truthfully.

His trusted circles study him for a moment before they sag, accepting his answer as it is. Kaneki takes his leaves and the others follow soundlessly.

He stays true to his words. No bargaining. No survivors. Kaneki razes down the place, cuts down those that attempt to stop him. Everything burns and breaks. Screams are silenced before they're uttered as he moves like a nightmarish beast amongst his preys.

Kaneki finds Hide eventually. The human is covered in blue and red, thin scratches all over his skin. The anger returns but the smile Hide bestows him is so astoundingly bright and tender that it's enough to soothe Kaneki's ache.

Kaneki gathers Hide into his arms and looks at him like Hide is the loveliest thing in the world. He is. Softly, Kaneki kisses Hide as if he wants Hide to know how deeply treasured he is but Hide just stares warmly at Kaneki like he’s known about it all along. Like he's been waiting for Kaneki to show it to him. So Kaneki leans in again and kisses him some more.

He's always going to choose Hide over the entire world. Always.

"Wow." Hide grins when they part. "You must really love me."

Kaneki rolls his eyes, silently content. 

"Oh, you have no idea."

[tim-drabble-vault]

The first time Kaneki realizes he's not aging is when he looks at Hide and notices the changes on Hide's face; scarred, battle-hardened wounds that are slowly diminishing, taken by time. He asks Kimi about his condition and she gives him an odd look and says ‘give me time’.

Then he asks her again and again and her answer stays the same, ‘I'm not sure. Give me time’. It goes on for a while until Kaneki starts to believe that even Kimi has no answers to spare. Eventually, Kaneki leaves it be. He's married to Hide now. His husband should be his priority.

A decade later, Hide runs his fingers along Kaneki’s cheeks, noticing how Kaneki hasn't aged, still as young and as beautiful. The human says nothing. Kaneki holds Hide's hand in his and smiles at the other but his smile doesn't reach his eyes. Hide blinks, softens, and reaches out to kiss the furrowed spot between Kaneki’s eyes.

Hide looks absolutely happy and Kaneki refuses to take that away from him. Hide asks Kaneki to recite a story for him but Kaneki talks about interstellar space and tiny traces of elements that create the stars, instead. When Hide goes to sleep, Kaneki's sight lingers on the human's ever-changing face, touched by time.

Then time goes on and on as if it sprouts wings and floats aimlessly all around them. In the safety of their home, Hide laughs when Kaneki tickles him before he playfully shoves the half-ghoul away. Kaneki sighs and falls next to Hide on their bed.

Sixty years into their marriage and Kaneki knows no other happiness that can make his chest bloom so fervently as the one he feels when Hide kisses him and wraps Kaneki in his arms. This right here is the definition of joy. Kaneki studies his husband, fingers trailing Hide's face; beautiful still, even when time doesn't stop for him.

Unlike Kaneki, whose face is never cracked by age.

I love you, Kaneki whispers. And like a traveler with too many maps scatter about and with too many miles too count, Kaneki knows that he's always ever been searching for Hide, has always ever been looking for the human; hopelessly in love with Hide and vows to follow him wherever he goes.

One day, Hide will go to a place where Kaneki cannot find him.

But then Hide whispers that nothing is wasted when you live and you love it all and for a moment, Kaneki thinks it’s still early to think of goodbyes when they still have too many moments to live and cherish together.

The future can wait.

[tim-drabble-vault]

--

When Hide looked up, the first thing he saw was kagune shooting right towards him, ripping through his skin and bones, fracturing his body. Red liquid pooled beneath him like melted steel.

The last thing he heard was Kaneki’s blood-curdling scream.

The last thing he saw was Kaneki running towards him.

Hide fell and he slept.

--

Hide hummed as he felt a pair of heavy arms around him, loose and soft, cocooning Hide like a folded blanket. Hide leaned into it, feeling unfamiliar with the way he was responding to the heat. Hide snuggled some more - eyes still shut. He smiled when someone kissed his hair lovingly, playing with his neck and cradling his waist gently and--

Hide choked on air and quickly gained his momentum, sitting up and trying to suck all the air around him. He couldn't breathe as he beheld his surrounding. He was somewhere unknown; on a comfy bed, in a white room. White white white all over. No danger.

“Hide? Hide, what's wrong?” a voice called out. Hide looked down and what greeted him was a pair of beautiful clear eyes he'd known almost his whole life.

But they were also different.

“Kaneki?” Hide blinked. He moved away a little bit when Kaneki pressed his elbows on the bed to take a closer look at the blond. Kaneki’s face creased in concern but despite that, a tint of soft affection was pure and constant in Kaneki's gaze. 

This is different. This is not right. He’s looking at me differently.

“Who else would it be?” Kaneki asked. He chuckled a bit, perching himself on the bed and made a move to get to Hide. Kaneki’s dark hair fell across his forehead, glistening over his eyes. Ever so carefully, Kaneki lifted his thumb to trace Hide's cheek; like he was worth all the precious diamonds in the world.

Hide felt like crying.

It was just so wrong for Kaneki to do that.

“What's wrong?” Kaneki asked again.

Hide blinked. His words were sealed in his throat. Something was not right. He was sure of it. But he couldn't tell what.

And yet, his Kaneki--

“You dyed your hair?” Hide stared, suddenly cold.

Kaneki cocked his head to the side, curious. “No? My hair always looks like this.”

No. It was-- It was supposed to be silver. White. Stark white. Like gloomy death. He didn’t understand.

Hide studied the room, checking under the ridiculously welcoming bed, behind the frames that stored pictures of him and Kaneki smiling and happy, and inside the drawers that were filled with his and Kaneki's clothes. He tried to find something amiss but nothing was out of place.

This wasn't right. Kaneki and him. They looked like they were together.

“Hide,” Kaneki called out. “Hide, Hide.” Kaneki was there, carefully grasping Hide's wrists and staring at him with a multitude amount of affection and care. This wasn't right.

“Hide, tell me what's wrong. You're worrying me,” Kaneki pleaded.

Hide’s lips trembled.

“I-” Hide inhaled. “I don't know. This isn't right but Kaneki, Kaneki, I can't remember all of it but I know this isn't right.”

“What isn't?” Kaneki asked softly, releasing Hide's wrists and tenderly hooked his arms around Hide’s waist. He rested his head on Hide's shoulder and swayed them almost too delicately. As if Kaneki was attempting to placate a wounded kitten.

“This, Kaneki. Us,” Hide answered. “All of this. I don't--” kagune. Yes. Kagune. “Kaneki, I was stabbed, wasn't I? There was a ghoul and he aimed for me--” yes yes yes! He remembered this part.

Kaneki drew Hide back far enough so he could search Hide's eyes, frowning, and Hide was certain Kaneki did not find whatever it was he was looking for. “Hide, what are you saying?”

“Ghouls, Kaneki! There was an ambush!”

Kaneki squinted, confused. “Hide, there’s barely any ghouls here in Hakone. They're mostly only in the big metropolis. That's why we moved here. It's safer.”

Nowhere was safe. Hide should know that more than anyone else. His scars were enough to act as a proof-- my scars! Hide hastily brushed his hand on his face, trying to feel the jagged and disfigured marks under his fingers, trying to recall the tiniest bites of pain whenever he touched the torn skin. He found nothing. No scars. No permanent wounds.

What’s going on?

He was both terrified and angry. His memories were a bit misty. They were like pieces torn apart and scattered in the wind like dandelions. But Hide did remember something, however small it was.

“No, Kaneki. You--” Hide swallowed. “You got hurt, right? Rize-”

“Rize?” Kaneki asked. “I mean, it sounds familiar.”

“Yes, you went on a date with her!” Hide claimed; glad to know something was going right for once.

Kaneki merely shook his head. “There was no date, Hide. You said it wouldn't work and I took your advice.”

Hide mumbled incoherently. What? But. No. He examined this Kaneki thoroughly. Dark hair, wide smile, clear eyes, no scars. Perfectly normal. No newfound wounds festering in his chest and gaze.

His Kaneki before Rize happened.

“Are you human?” Hide pressed.

Kaneki actually laughed. “No, Hide. I'm Kraken summoned by the very vicious Davy Jones.”

Hide gaped. Kaneki rolled his eyes fondly. “Yes, darling. I'm a human and you're being completely ridiculous so early in the morning.”

Hide wanted to say so much more. Ask endless questions. His head was filled with inextricable riddles without a promise of a single answer.

Kaneki quieted Hide with a peck to his lips and his forehead, brushing the golden streaks and tucking them behind Hide’s ear. A loving gesture. Hide couldn’t say anything else. That was not how Kaneki should act when he was around him.

“Since none of us can go back to sleep, I'll just brew us some coffee, okay?”

Hide bit the insides of his cheeks. He took one last glance at the bedroom - their bedroom - to search for an anomaly. All he found was a sign of two people, genuinely in love with each other and had been living together for a long time.

This is hell.

“Come on, you're going to help me out in the kitchen.”

With that, Kaneki held Hide's hand and tugged him along. It was then Hide noticed the rings around their fingers, clad in silver and simple fancywork; exactly Hide's preference. Not too dramatic but just enough to paint their love as soft as feathers.

He must have died and this was the kind of hell he had to live in.

Because Hide remembered it so vividly, how he suffered love unreturned.

--

Hours later, Hide had silently come to a solid conclusion.

“Ken, I think I'm dead.”

Kaneki threw a small portion of cookie he'd been munching at Hide, hitting him squarely in the forehead. Hide hissed.

“Hey!”

“You're being weird again.”

“That's because you wouldn't take me seriously!”

“How could I when you kept on talking like that? Really, Hide? Me? A human-turned-ghoul that’s killed hundreds? I can't even stand bugs.”

“Yes, but…” Hide stopped. It wasn't like he'd told Kaneki everything. Partly because he didn't exactly remember all of it and partly because it felt as if he was trying to poke Kaneki with horrible memories (even though this Kaneki apparently didn’t suffer a painful change).

This Kaneki was just a normal kid, growing up with Hide and falling in love with each other along the way, deciding that amongst everyone else, Hide was worth it, Hide was the one for him. 

He'd chosen Hide.

What kind of nonsense was that?

His white-haired Kaneki would have never cherished Hide like that.

“Don't make that face,” Kaneki scolded, munching another cookie, his eyes never drifting from Hide's face as Kaneki moved a little bit closer to him. The couch was big enough to fit four people but Kaneki still chose to sit next to him. As if Kaneki disliked the gap between them.

Kaneki smiled a little bit when Hide pouted. His eyes dotted with flecks of silver, like maps of stars live in his gaze, like mirrors in the sky, glowing even brighter when Hide flushed under his scrutiny.

This Kaneki didn't shy away from touches.

This Kaneki is in love with me.

“I'm not making a face.”

“Mmhm.” Kaneki took another bite. This time, he was sporting a grin. Hide narrowed his gaze suspiciously at his, well, his husband. Apparently.

“What?”

“Was I being too rough?” There was a tinge of lightness in his voice.

“What?” Hide asked again.

“Last night,” Kaneki mumbled in Hide's ear. “Maybe I was a little rough last night. That's why you're like this.”

Hide let the words slowly sink in and when they finally did, Hide groaned before he smacked Kaneki’s forearm. Absolutely horrified and embarrassed. “Ken!”

Kaneki guffawed at Hide's choked expression. “Sorry, sorry! But really, you like it rough sometimes, regardless who bottoms.”

Hide shrieked, jumped onto Kaneki's laps and started spewing nonsense at the other. Kaneki laughed, his eyes watered and his cookies were momentarily forgotten. He held Hide so adoringly, an arm around Hide's waist whilst he watched Hide closely. Kaneki didn’t seem like he wanted to leave Hide's side. Like he was where he was meant to be.

Hide felt unburdened by the revelation.

Hide thought he could be terribly greedy when he leaned down and kissed Kaneki fiercely, afraid that this moment might be wrenched from his grip. Hide had always been a fool. He ached for something that was never his.

Hide mumbled his affection against Kaneki’s neck, hiding his face in Kaneki’s dark hair. Kaneki backed away, flicked Hide's nose playfully, and said it back.

“I love you, too, you dork.”

His voice was weightless because this Kaneki meant every word.

Hide felt like staying dead just to have this.

--

“You're an author?”

“When was I ever not?” Kaneki raised a brow at Hide.

“I mean,” Hide backtracked, “How long?”

“How long?” Kaneki looked at him weirdly. “Hide, you know how long I've been an author. Since I was twenty.”

“So…”

“So three years before our marriage.” Kaneki chuckled.

Hide wanted to ask how long they'd been together but he suppressed it. He could dig for more answers later. Right now, Hide suspected Kaneki wanted to take him somewhere else.

“Where are we going?”

“It's Sunday, Hide. Sunday is for visiting.”

Hide was about to bend down to tie his laces but Kaneki was quicker. He draped a thick jacket around Hide's shoulders and carefully lean down one-knee to fix Hide's shoes for him. Hide's face colored.

“I can do it by myself, Ken.”

“I love spoiling you,” was all Kaneki said. When he got up, he kissed Hide's forehead. “Come on, we don't want to be late.”

“Wait, who are we visiting?”

“Your dads, of course.”

Hide almost stumbled. He quickly caught Kaneki’s arm and stared at the other desperately. “My fathers, are they safe?” Are they really here?

Kaneki blinked. “Yeah. Why?”

Hide let Kaneki’s arm go. “No. Just asking.”

Last time he saw them, Hide had cut ties with them and sent his fathers somewhere safe where no one could ever use them to get to Hide. He hadn't seen them in years. Even when-- even after the war was over--

A war. There was a war.

“Kaneki,” Hide breathed his name heavily. “Kaneki, you were a dragon!”

“Oh, was I really? Curious.” Kaneki was humoring him. Hide didn't like that at all.

Hide wanted to berate Kaneki. But he went rigid and his sight darkened and all Hide could see was a blotch of red, smearing all over his vision. There was a pressure on his chest as if iron had been set upon his person.

Kaneki immediately tugged his sleeve, concerned.

“Hide, what's wrong?”

Hide answered him before Kaneki could bombard him with a litany of unfounded concerns.

“I want to see my dads.”

“Maybe we shouldn't. I don't think you're well enough to go out.”

“No.” Hide shook his head. “I want to see them. Please, Kaneki. Please.”

Kaneki relented in the end. Hide surmised it was the kiss to his cheek that finally crumbled Kaneki’s resolve.

--

Hakone was beautiful.

Hide could see why Kaneki had decided to move here, away from Tokyo.

Kaneki informed him that CCG was wiping the ghouls in Japan at an alarming rate and gladly said, “it's good that they're finally wiping those things”. It was so peculiar to hear such words from Kaneki, to know those ghouls were nothing to him.

Hide conjured the image of Ikuma’s face, Hinami's, Ayato's, Amon's, Akira's, even Marude’s and wondered how they lived their lives in this world (or if they were still alive).

Maybe. Who knew. He was barely living as it was.

“You're quiet,” Kaneki pointed out. Hide draped his hands around Kaneki’s arm and dropped his cheek on Kaneki’s shoulder. Kaneki kissed his hair. Hide didn't answer him.

After a while, they stopped and Kaneki said, “we're here.”

Hide looked up and took everything in. The house was simple with typical picket fences guarding the perimeter and little flowers growing next to the road; brown flakes coating the brickwork here and there but it didn't tarnish the beauty of the place. It looked cozy. It looked like home.

Hide left Kaneki’s side and made a quick dash towards the door. He pressed the bell again and again until he finally felt Kaneki pulling his hand away. Kaneki entwined their fingers and smiled at him and the world was brighter than the sun now that Kaneki was here.

“Hold on!” someone said from the other side. “Goodness, impatient little imp. It's definitely Hide.”

The blond laughed at his father's exasperated tone.

His father opened the door, throwing a smile at Kaneki before he turned to Hide and glared at his son. “Must you press the bell like that, you stupid boy?”

“How did you know it was me?” Hide grinned. His eyes brimmed with wet crystals but they did not fall. Hide's hand itched to take his father into his arm and embraced him until both of them couldn't breathe.

Hide opted to be gentler instead. He lurched forward and hugged the taller man. His father squeaked, surprised, yet he returned the hug nonetheless. “What's wrong with you?”

Kaneki had been asking him the same question too but like always, Hide couldn’t grace them with an answer. Hide tucked his face in his father's hair and inhaled his scent.

It'd been years. He missed them so so so much.

“Where's dad? Papa, where's dad--”

“Why are you being loud?” another voice chimed in. Hide looked up and his dad was there, walking towards them, as tall and as bright as ever before. Hide quickly grabbed him, both of his fathers now close to his chest and he had his arms around their necks, refusing to let go.

He didn’t know what kind of face Kaneki was making, what kind of faces his fathers were making. It mattered not to him. Hide nuzzled his face deeper into their warmth and begged for time to be merciful to him.

He wanted to be here for as long as he could.

--

“What's wrong with him?” his dad asked Kaneki.

Again, the same question. Hide was getting tired of it.

Kaneki only shrugged. “Maybe it's that time of the month for him.”

Hide thew one of the fries at him. Kaneki avoided it skillfully.

“I'm not a girl, Ken.”

“I know. ‘That time of the month’ for you is just you being sulky for an entire day for no reason and refusing my kisses. You do that more often than not,” Kaneki admitted nonchalantly. One of his fathers snickered. Hide glared at them, feeling betrayed.

“I didn't refuse any of your kisses today.”

In fact, he’d welcomed them wholeheartedly.

Kaneki made a small sound as he took a sip of his coffee, resting his feet on Hide's laps.

“Maybe he's just frustrated?” his papa supplied seriously.

“No way.” Kaneki defended. “Not after last night.”

“Oh my god.” Hide rubbed his temple. “I'm not listening to this.”

There was a moment of peace upon them; with Kaneki helping his papa with their dinner, loud noises coming from the kitchen and Kaneki acted around Hide's fathers as if he'd known them his entire life. Hide regretted not introducing his fathers to Kaneki. 

The other Kaneki.

“You good?”

Hide felt his dad's hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into it. He could almost feel his dad smiling down at him with that quirky smile of his.

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.”

When it was time to go home, Hide locked his fathers in his arms once more, hugging them as if he might not see them again.

--

He couldn't tell if he was amongst the dead - if he was dreaming. His chest hurt. Someone was screaming in his ears; loud ringing noises. There was a roar resonating all around him and the sky might as well be falling. Hide ignored it.

He focused on the way Kaneki pried his mouth open with his, tasting Hide, kissing him and eagerly moving his fingers to feel Hide's heat beneath his shirt.

Hide took everything that was offered to him. Hide felt no shame when Kaneki’s skin brushed against his. The noises Kaneki made were addictive and Hide intended to burn all of this into his brain, light him ablaze while he still could.

Who knew when Hide would lose this.

--

It went on. Rinse. Repeat. A cycle that Hide did not comprehend.

He was neither dead nor living. Bits and pieces were starting to return to him.

He loved Kaneki so much. Loved his fathers, too.

He wanted to be like this.

--

One day, he fell to his knees, bright colors exploded in his eyes and the loud ringing was there again, frying his ears with a loud splitting scream. Hide was quick to shut his eyes and his ears, body wrapped in a light tremor, disjointed. Someone was clawing at his eyelids, trying to force them open and Hide thought he was yelling at something that was never there. 

Then he recoiled when a familiar heat engulfed him.

Hide took a deep breath and regained his equilibrium. He could smell Kaneki’s scent, coffee and old papers. He'd missed that.

“Hide, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here,” Kaneki soothed.

Hide knew he'd worried Kaneki relentlessly. This wasn’t the first time it happened and they knew it wouldn't be the last. Hide insisted that it was nothing. He wondered how long Kaneki would tolerate his stubbornness.

“Hide.”

“I'm fine, Ken.” Hide kissed his husband's lips. Kaneki helped Hide to his feet, looking positively livid.

“How long are you going to say that? You're not fine and you refuse to tell me anything.”

“You were like that once,” Hide said calmly.

“This isn't about me,” Kaneki hissed. “You're not well, Hide. Can you just tell me what's wrong?”

“I did tell you.”

“Yes. About ghouls. How I was turned into one, how you joined CCG, and how I became Sakaki Hojo--”

“--Sasaki Haise.”

“Yes. All the fictional tales.”

“It’s the truth,” Hide breathed tiredly. Kaneki wouldn't ever believe him.

“They're not, Hide,” Kaneki toned down. “Maybe you were just influenced by my novels.”

“You bit my face off.”

“I'd rather die than to do that.”

“Drama queen.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Kaneki scoffed. Evidently still bitter.

Hide hummed. He spared Kaneki a kiss. He quieted down and Kaneki didn’t blink when Hide cradled him close.

“You're angry at me,” Hide remarked curiously.

“Absolutely.”

“Because you love me?”

“Absolutely.”

“Because you're worried?”

“Yes, Hide. Absolutely.”

Hide smiled, joyful. “Good.” He kissed Kaneki some more, lightly biting his lower lips between his teeth and tugging at the skin there until Hide heard Kaneki’s hitched sigh.

Hide stepped away, his hands on Kaneki’s hips.

“Bake me something?” Hide requested.

Just like that, the ice was broken. Kaneki sighed, dejected. “Fine. But you better finish your dessert this time.”

"I promise,” Hide said. Kaneki could only smile.

--

Hide put his laptop on his laps and quickly searched for the information he so desperately needed.

He typed in Anteiku and clicked the very first link that appeared, the words were bolded in dark ink: burn to the ground. No survivors, as of now. He hoped everyone was still alive somewhere.

Hide swallowed and resumed his search: Aogiri, Tsukiyama family, CCG, one-eyed ghoul.

Almost nothing.

Sen Takatsuki, he typed in. A notorious authoress, the article said. Her newest book is well received by the public.

Hide let out a small smile. Eto had always been hard to expose, to kill. Hide had compared her to a cockroach once.

Eto smiled at that. It takes one to know one, she said. Oddly enough, their relationship had been brief and was mostly physical, but Hide had so many fond memories of her.

“Hide!” came Kaneki's voice. “I'm home.”

“Obviously,” Hide mumbled. He deleted the search history and logged off.

“And I got your pudding! And chocolate milk and, urgh, lemon cakes.”

Hide hopped from his seat and quickly greeted Kaneki with a kiss. His husband yelped, groceries perfectly balanced in hands as he tried not to wobble.

Hide sort of remembered how he'd measured his heart based on his usefulness to someone - to be needed and loved even when he barely did anything useful was something quite new to Hide. He couldn’t get used to it.

--

Hide tried to tiptoe out of the room.

Kaneki glared at him. Hide sighed and went back to slouch down on the couch.

“I'm bored, Ken.”

“Do you need to use the bathroom?”

“Nope.”

“Hungry? Thirsty?”

“Nope, nope.”

“Then stay.”

Hide sighed again, exaggeratedly this time. Kaneki ignored him and went back to typing, his fingers were moving deftly on the keyboard and for a while, it was the only sound in the room.

Hide played with his hair, throwing a glance or two at Kaneki sometimes. But no. Of course, finishing his novel was far more important than to ease his own husband's accumulating boredom.

Kaneki fixed his glasses. They were too big for his small face. Looked cute on him, though.

“I could have been out there, enjoying the air, inhaling the flowers, listening to the birds singing!” Hide complained.

“You don't do any of that,” Kaneki offered easily.

Hide whined. He barely did anything. The royalties Kaneki received from his books were enough to fund them for decades. Hide's role in this family could be translated to house husband even when he could barely cook. Kaneki spoiled him way too much. It was annoying.

“Why do you even need me here?”

“Because.” Kaneki messed his hair. “You're my muse,” Kaneki answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Hide's heart stirred. He sank into his weight and knew why this dream, this world, felt so wrong: it was because Kaneki shouldn't be that devoted to him.

--

Hide met Yoriko.

He blinked at that.

She owned the bakery where Kaneki sometimes visited to buy Hide's lemon cakes for him. Hide slowly entered the shop, closing the wooden door behind him, letting the bell announcing his presence.

Yoriko turned around and smiled so sweetly at him. Funny how everyone Hide was close to was just a distance away from him. He wondered why. Surely, it was not a coincidence.

“Hello,” Hide started. He walked towards the cashier, not bothering to look for the selection of well-baked pastries around him.

“Hello,” Yoriko kindly replied. “Anything I can get you?”

Hide's gaze wandered off. “Cakes. The best you have.”

Yoriko grinned a bit. “So, all of it?”

Hide laughed, She was the same with him. Even here. “Sure. Just don't empty my wallet.”

“Don't count on it,” she teased.

Times quieted down as Yoriko prepared everything.

“Away from home?” Hide asked.

Yoriko went rigid before she calmly asked him, “Why?”

Hide shrugged. “Just curious.”

Yoriko contemplated and then she finally answered, “Something like that, yes. From Tokyo, actually.”

“Why did you leave?”

“Hmm, to mourn quietly, I guess? A close friend passed away.”

Hide lost his smile. “Sorry.”

“It's fine,” she said. She put another slice of cake inside the pink box and sealed the lid. “She was just a ghoul,” Yoriko whispered so brokenly, so lowly that Hide believed they weren’t meant for his ears.

“Tou--” Hide stopped.

Yoriko looked up at him. Hide paid for everything and left.

--

They made love that night.

Hide allowed Kaneki to take the lead. He was too tired, presumably physically and emotionally. His bones were like pieces of cotton and his heart was heavy. Kaneki stopped midway, looking down at him. Worried. Always worried.

“You're okay?”

“Yeah.” Hide raised his arms and enclosed them around Kaneki’s neck. He brought Kaneki near to kiss his chin and his mouth prickled with a tender remainder of Kaneki’s heat when he pushed away. Hide moved his palms across Kaneki's chest, tugging him and asking his husband to continue.

Kaneki’s eyes softened and he obliged.

Hide didn’t feel like he was at home at all. Everything felt so out of place but he liked being here.

He liked it.

--

Days later, Hide was alone and it was as if the world was splitting apart. He screamed and tore at his face and he heard his voice crack and his body felt like it was hovering for a moment before a burned metal was plunged into his skull.

Hide desperately looked up. His vision was as cleared as a broken glass but all he could see was a shadow of a man towering over him, faceless and voiceless. Trying to touch his face. Reaching out for him.

Hide sobbed.

“Just give me more time. Please.”

--

“Tell me more?”

His dad rolled his eyes at Hide's request. They huddled on the porch, sitting on the stairs, letting the sunlight map their faces with gentle dots. His papa was in the kitchen, baking Hide's favorite pie.

Kaneki wasn't here. A meeting with his editor.

“Sure,” his dad answered. “What's with you today?”

His dad didn’t wait for an answer as he opened the next page, pointing at a picture of a young Hide. He must have been around eleven or twelve at that time, holding his first cd player and looking like he'd just stolen the greatest treasure from a vicious dragon.

“This one,” his dad began, “God, you were so annoying here.”

“Hey!”

“It's true. Goodness, you were so jumpy and clingy and back then, we barely knew each other that well so I was wondering if all children were like that or if it was just you.” his dad poked Hide's nose. Hide scrunched his face.

“But then you jumped into my arms and you were so light. You thanked me and shyly called me ‘dad’ and I actually cried. It was embarrassing. Your papa wouldn't stop laughing at me.”

Hide smiled at that and his face was like the sun.

“See? Told you. I'm the greatest thing to ever happen to you.”

His dad nudged him. “Don't push your luck, boy.”

Hide grinned. He looked over his shoulder to observe his papa who was cursing vehemently at the oven whilst he flailed around aimlessly.

It was a spectacular sight.

--

Hide told Kaneki that in another world, they were not together.

Kaneki told him that it was absurd: there was no reality in which Kaneki was not in love with Hide.

Hide only nodded at that. He wanted to shake Kaneki. To tell him that no, in another reality, Hide was left behind and he suffered, he hurt and he lurked alone. He wanted to tell Kaneki that sometimes when people died, they died alone - that some people just couldn’t move on.

Hide was happy in this world and it didn’t make any sense.

This is hell.

--

His days were repetitive like fake snowdrops floating in the snow globe when it was shaken.

The pain came and went, getting progressively worse day by day. The screams and the shadows lingered.

Hide looked at nothing and said, “Okay, I got it. I got it.”

--

“I'm going,” Hide stated one day. Kaneki looked up from his book and gave Hide a strange look.

“To where?”

“I don't know. Back, I guess?”

Kaneki allowed the silence to last. He just stared at Hide and the glow in his eyes was starlight and the whole universe rolled together. Kaneki put his book away and stood up.

Hide inhaled. He took his leave and Kaneki followed him close behind.

He got out of the house; a place where he'd been staying for a while. When his foot touched the ground, Hide studied his surroundings and for the very first time, everything became blurry like old photos, hazy and dimmed down by a sculpted dream.

“You're going now?” came a voice.

Hide shifted around and he studied the other carefully. This Kaneki was almost too perfect but Hide loved him just as much.

“Yes.” Hide shrugged. “I don't know what's going right now. But hey, I don't know what's going on with my life most of the time and I just roll with it. It's my charm.” Hide spread his arms. His smile was fake and he felt like crying. “I can't stay here. It's not mine.”

“It's nobody's,” Kaneki said kindly. “It can be yours if you want. You can stay.”

Hide pondered and when he spoke, his voice was tired. “What are you?” He didn't ask where he was. It should have been obvious all along.

“Anything you want me to be,” Kaneki replied. He took a step forward, and another until he had Hide in his arms and he so lovingly pressed Hide's face in the safety of his neck, gripping him close like Hide was water and Kaneki was a man deprived of it.

“I can't make you stay, but if you choose to do so, I promise you that you will never know pain.”

Hide reveled in the heat. He returned the embrace.

“Sorry. No can do. A guy gonna save the world  Who knows what the other you is doing right now. Probably planning another half-ass decision without my help. You know how you get sometimes.”

Kaneki chuckled. Hide inched away from the other and his nose was merely inches away from Kaneki’s.

“You know,” Hide started, “The best moment of my life was when I fell out of love with you.” It was a lie, of course. It was not even close.

“I know,” Kaneki assured. “You broke my heart when you told me that.”

“That's not true,” Hide cut hesitantly. “I felt something for you for years but you didn’t. You were too busy chasing someone else. I was never your choice.”

“No,” Kaneki affirmed fiercely. “You were my first love. There's no reality in which I'm not in love with you. That’s the truth.”

Hide's face grew hot. “You married her,” Hide accused. He didn’t know where the anger was pouring from but it was there and it was a poison in his bones. “You knew I was alive the moment you remembered everything but you did nothing to reach out to me.”

“For your own safety. Hide, please--”

“You know it's not that. You know it's not! It’s because I'm not needed anymore!” Hide snapped. He wrenched himself from Kaneki’s grip. “I was there and I waited but it didn't matter because I was the one who had to come to you again. You went back to everyone else but me! I'm not needed and I'm here and you always look away! What about me, Kaneki? What about me?” 

“Stay then,” Kaneki pleaded miserably. “Stay and I'll make it up to you.”

Hide ran his fingers across his messy hair. He was angry and tired. He was scared, too.

His eyes fell on Kaneki’s lips, red and trembling and inviting. Hide could kiss him forever. Even like this, Hide still wanted to kiss Kaneki. He was hopeless. People sometimes asked Hide the strangest thing: “Why are you still in love with him?” and the truth was far simpler, nothing extravagant or flashy. Hide loved Kaneki because he could. That was all there was to it.

“Hide,” Kaneki whispered. “Stay. Just stay here.” He grasped both of Hide's hands in his. “There's everything for you here. Just stay, please?”

Hide squeezed Kaneki’s hands and answered.

--

“Hide!” Yoriko puffed out her chest and smacked Hide in the head the moment he entered her bakery. The blond yelped.

“Yoriko!”

“Why are you here?” she admonished. Not asking. “You should be resting.”

“Yoriko--”

She didn’t wait for another litany of complaints from him. She grabbed his wrist and sat him down on one the stools. Yoriko observed him carefully, easing up only when she was completely sure he was fine.

“You're so careless.”

“I'm hungry,” Hide whined.

“So you sneaked out from the hospital? Hide, you were impaled. You were unconscious for months!”

“It is what it is, Yoriko.” Hide's voice suddenly went lower. “I'm safe now. I'm home. I’m done sleeping.”

She let it go.

“Okay,” Yoriko murmured gently. She kissed his forehead and sauntered off to bring his favorite serving to him. Hide swallowed; the scar in his chest prickled.

Hide observed the glass window - at the view outside - and watched the snow touching the earth like a careful mother soothing her children. From a distance, Hide recognized Kaneki; white hair and broad muscles, face worn down by misery. He was frantically searching for someone. Probably Hide for leaving the hospital without permission again.

He caught the ring around Kaneki’s finger and knew well enough it was not his name that was engraved there. Hide smiled to himself, felt the ache in his heart growing bigger.

He was bored. He was miserable. He was tired. But he loved Kaneki so much so he wanted to live for a little while longer. Try to move on again. His umpteenth attempts.

He could start tomorrow.

But tomorrow felt like a lifetime away.

--