just another relapse @time-for-thin - Tumblr Blog

I haven’t really done anything on here in about 300 days.... I was off to college and thought that being on my own would make me better. But here I am just less than a year later starting to fall back into old habits. I don’t know how long I will be here this time, but hey to anyone who sees this.

I’ve gained about 5 pounds over my first year of college and it’s really beating up my mental health.

affame-pour-etre-mince

I’ve been eating normally recently. Been in a sort of ‘recovery’ period because I want to do well in my classes and i can’t think when I’m starving, not to mention I was super anxious about my health. Like, I still had very disordered thoughts, but I was controlling them. Now though, I’m spiraling back into my eating disorder again, and I don’t even know why. Maybe I’ll do high restriction, like 1000 calories or something, as a compromise. Idk.

time-for-thin

me rn 🤙🏻

wanderingsaraa

Just some pictures that i really like

I dont have credits so if you guys know any ....

weightlessangell

Wishing to be this small again <3. This is me in the pic, three years ago. When younger me is my OWN thinspo.

slaying-strong

I’ve just read something so helpful in my 8 keys book about “feeling fat”. It’s a statement that I identify with entirely too often - even at this point in my recovery it’s something I face almost daily.

There’s a statement at the bottom of the page that discusses how so often people who are doing well in recovery feel happy and better about their relationship with food right up until the step onto a scale and see they’ve gained.

This. Happens. So. Often.

Today’s society ingrains the importance of numbers and weight loss. Of course seeing weight gain and correlating that with unhappiness is enough to set someone up for a potential relapse.

I can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve stepped on the scale and was compelled to lose weight. It never mattered what the number was. It still doesn’t matter. I’m the highest I’ve been in years and even at my lowest weight - I still wanted to lose. I never felt satisfied and that can be attributed to both what our culture says our bodies should look like and how I was unable to cope with stress in my day to day.

I want to challenge each of you to think about the last time you’ve “felt fat”. What feelings came along with it? What was going on? Is that feeling covering up something you don’t want to deal with?

another--anorexic2

Leaving the ana community

Thanks to everyone that has been supportive and encouraging along this road and thanks to all of you that have sent me super sweet messages, but I am leaving ED tumblr to recover and I (hopefully) won't be coming back.

All of my bodycheck-posts and thinspo related content have been taken down from my blog and the only posts that I will leave are the ones that encourage people to love themselves.

Tumblr was my "safe-space" for more than 4 years, ever since I started my first blog here (which was taken down just like many others lmao) and I couldn't be more thankful for all the beautiful people I've talked to here.

The thing is, we call it safe, but it's really not. It's a place we seek out because it makes us feel less alone in our misery.

We keep on telling each other to "stay safe" while we post shit like meanspo, trying to convince ourselves that it's only for us. Well, even if it is, it ends up being read by possibly hundreds of people that are struggling, only fuelling their disorder.

I'm not trying to be rude to anyone, if someone even ends up reading this. All I'm saying is that nobody could ever get better under the constant influence of thinspo and all these "how to not eat for a week" posts. It's not like you don't know this though, you chose to ignore it because ignoring it means living one more day in this illusion you have created for yourself.

The illusion that skinny = pretty

The illusion that your body could ever determine your worth

The illusion that once you lose those last few pounds, your life won't be a total and utter mess anymore.

I've been living on planet "ana" for a while, and holy damn, I just want to leave. I want to enjoy a meal with my family without crying afterwards, I want to go dance with my friends without feeling like I have to faint. I want to live all these beautiful moments my disorder robbed me of. Don't you also miss being free?

Please, if you for some reason are still reading this endless rant, consider leaving too. For your own sake. You CAN get better and you WILL.

Yes, it's a lot of work.

But shouldn't you be used to work? You've been putting all of your energy into this, it's time to put it into something that will actually make you happy.

Love to all of you, xoxo

lovely7inspirit

Am usually not thinspo pic lover because ahh. Everyone is different so no one can be like someone else..etc but this pic and my profile pic are the only pics that actually made me rethink it...look at them..like wow

Ya know, i could lose weight the healthy way but instead, i have an ✨eating disorder✨

#anorexic #anorexia #ana #ed #eating disorder