Welcome!

This is a vent blog for a severely depressed person just trying to let off as much steam as possible. Sorry to be a downer! TW: there may be things posted here that may trigger negative thoughts so please follow with caution ⚠️

[timeleftover]

Im tired of having to schedule time around you're mental illnesses. If it was one or two things then fine, but its literally everything. I'm walking on eggshells all hours of the day. If I so much as speak when he's listening or watching something his mood sours because "he can't concentrate on everything at once". His overstimulation makes him irritable towards me and its usually triggered by something im really happy and excited about.

Then he completely kills my joy.

Im so tired of this. It took me so long to actually feel joy again. Im so tired of not having the ability to feel happy without consequence. It makes life so dull and unfulfilling when every happy moment you want to share is met with disdain over something as trivial and stupid as "how you're talking", "saying it too fast", "too much energy while im listening to this". You can't just be nice enough to pretend?

Its miserable to live like this.

[timeleftover]

Considering suicide

[s-t-a-y-i-n-g]

[timeleftover]

Imagine being upset about doing the dishes or cooking something when you have nothing else to worry about financially from your phone to your car to your apartment. What am I fucking doing.

[timeleftover]

Even when I'm sick its still only about him.

[timbllr]

[timeleftover]

Feeling really sick today. Worse than I've felt in a long time. Horrible HORRIBLE migraine and extremely neaseous. 3 excedrins and it still hurts so badly I can hardly distract myself. I cant even stand up without my stomach churning. Somehow my bf without a job seems to think he needs more rest than I do and can't be bothered to monitor my phone for work calls for me so I can get ONE moment of uninterrupted sleep. This is potentially my only day off this week. Awesome. Sleep well I guess. Clearly you need it more.

[timeleftover]

At least let me get away from male assholes at home for the love of God I can not stand them

[timeleftover]

Whats the point anymore

[timeleftover]

Sick of babying overly emotional men 24/7

[timeleftover]

I come to you for answers and you leave me in silence.

[hoi1244567890]

where is medusa, i have a request

[timeleftover]

I hate everything about today

[timeleftover]

I hate the disconnect between me and people who have never been obsessively stalked. My bf doesn't get it. He thinks "okay this is a creep just block him" as if its the easiest thing in the world. Doesn't consider the fact that my mind is now flooded with anxiety. I always get scared to block because then I don't know where the person stalking me is. If I don't know where they are I instantly feel like they're everywhere. I'm at work and every person I see I keep thinking is someone who wants to hurt me. My knife broke recently and I feel completely vulnerable and afraid and can't concentrate on anything at all. You'd think he'd be kinder about this but he's so obviously annoyed when this comes up that I can't even bring myself to talk about it with him. Iono what it is; if its the T or if hes just being absent minded, but I hate it. I really really hate it.

Especially when I'm patient and kind with his constant phobias its never reciprocated unless he feels like it................

[repulsive-doll-deactivated20221]

[timeleftover]

Im laying here unable to hold my loved one because he contracted covid. This is so scary. I'm worried beyond words. I feel selfish, not simply going forward and wrapping my arms around him as he sleeps...but if I were to contract it, it would only prolong our time apart from one another. I woke him up an hour ago because he was drenched in sweat. I sat him up and changed his cloths and dried him. I forgot to put my mask on when I did. I made him drink water and put him back to bed. I hope he sleeps peacefully.

Please please be okay

[rabbittongues]