I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness as I look out onto this beautiful assembly of individuals who have enriched our lives in some profound way. You are many things. You represent our roots, the familial love, support, and history of our family’s beginnings. You are our eclectic mix of fascinating friends who we’ve met through our journey to this night. You are the hard-working professionals who have spent days and nights alongside us to nurture our family’s first and most boisterous child, Dorfner Family Medicine. You are also the new friends that have caught our attention , be it through kindnesses, or mutual interests, and like values. Or it could be the instinctive desire of Scott, myself, and our children to be in the company of good people…people that deserve our friendship investment. You were all, each and every one of you, invited here for a reason…you have impacted our family in some positive way. We wish to share our joy and pride for this new chapter in our lives, as our children reach the age of moral responsibility within the Jewish way of life and grow ever closer to adulthood. I cannot help but shudder, though, when I think that if conventional thinking ruled our life’s choices, we would not be here on this night to celebrate Judaism’s most consequential, individual life cycle tradition, for this fine young man.
It is hard to believe that a small town, Italian-Catholic school girl, fresh out of graduate school would be paired with a high-energy, very confident, divorced Jewish man with two beautiful children, and chapters of life already lived. He sowed his oats in the juicy mecca Times Square of South Jersey, aka., Cherry Hill…She, somewhat sheltered in the upper reaches of the slow moving, agricultural clusters of Burlington County. A cookie cutter, textbook match, it was not. But Scott and I both agree that our meeting was a cosmic occurrence of unpredictable, life altering destiny. It was a magnificent, unconventional happening that was made possible by two “out of the box” individuals with the blessed fortune of clashing together in a head-on collision of chance. There is nothing “predictable” about our union. We wouldn’t have been high school sweethearts, even if we HAD graduated in the same decade. We did not meet at college. We were not introduced by mutual friends. We weren’t an eHarmony success story. Our meeting was an accidental happening of two open-minded, zany stars that irrationally aligned. It was not supposed to work. And yet 15 years, and a combined 5 children later, it undoubtedly, has. It was as if the two of us emerged from a car crash, lightheaded, yet with a clear voice swirling inside our heads knowingly exclaiming, “There you are.”
And so the life built by two mildly eccentric, fiercly independent thinkers would be anything but typical. And we have not let unconventional wisdom down. Together we built a home centered around can-do individualism, the exploration of less-traveled paths, crazy ideas, and a keen desire to make a lasting, positive impact through our fervent devotion to work, purpose, and family. We follow our instincts instead of custom. We are committed to approaching life with an acceptance of the unusual, embracing change in the name of progress, enjoying the acquisition of knowledge, and nourishing strong character. We do not necessarily follow the unspoken rules. We’re not concerned about fitting in. Never have been. For nearly twenty years, Scott worked every day with great intensity beside his wife, mother-in-law and sister-in-law in our intense, busy, and constantly growing medical practice. Many thought we were crazy. We laughed. We worked both day and night. We employed my then-85 year old grandmother to stuff envelopes around our kitchen table as we prepared to open the practice back in 1999. We talked about work at home …we talked about work at the dinner table. We talked about work in Disney World. As our family grew, we installed a pack ‘n play at the office and brought our family to work. We immersed our children in the passion of our life’s mission from the start….to build something of value. We talk about religion and politics with our children. We mix business with pleasure. We are emotional about our work. We feel the pain of our patients. They are our extended family. We cry with them and celebrate their medical and personal victories. We spiritedly debate each other. We are always each right, even when we are wrong. It has somehow worked, and continues to today, through the evolution of our newest and exciting phase, as Scott and I remain side by side, still hard at work…still relentless…still with unwavering tenacity.
It is not a shock then, that the first born of this union, Joshua David Dorfner, would have a unique and lively birth story. I remember the precise details of July 14, 2003 as if it just happened today. After a spectacular beach day in our beloved Margate, 10 days from the calculated due date, round as the moon, I returned to the house to shower before dinner, when upon sitting down at the kitchen table, I felt that undeniable cramp. It was time. Only, it was a deep in the heart of summer Sunday at 4pm, Scott was still baking away on the beach, and the one thing separating us from the Virtua Memorial delivery room was that all too familiar parking lot of cars along the Atlantic City Expressway. But as all of you probably know, there is no stopping Scott when called upon to race to a destination. As I writhed and twisted like a pretzel in the passenger’s seat, I faintly recollect cross-car threats to neighboring drivers at traffic lights, creatively constructed obscenities, and Space Mountain-style swerving, weaving, intermixed with Nascar car tricks. Somehow in the mix of this, the call was made. My mother, the grand matriarch that she is, had been long anticipating the birth of her first grandchild. “Mom”, I remember saying through pained breaths, “it’s time.” With roaring excitement she exclaimed, “I’m on my way, I’ll be waiting at the hospital.” And then in a last quip that would mark this delivery as decidedly unique she added, “Don’t worry, I’m bringing the food.” Who says that? But this was no joke. Imagine a scene directly from a Meet the Fockers / My Cousin Vinny movie mashup. Laying uncomfortably in my hospital room, I had been hooked up to all the tubes and machinery of birthing, contracting away and desperately awaiting a drug-induced salvation in the form of an obscene looking needle, when, like a brassy high school marching band, my mother, Bob, and my siblings loudly paraded into Labor and Delivery carrying a 48 quart red Coleman cooler. As I crunched on ice chips, the wafting aroma of sausage, pepper, and provolone sandwiches, corn on the cob, and mixed berry cobbler filled every square inch of this once sterile and run of the mill hospital room. This young lad would be born into an environment rich with flavor and spiced with uncompromising liveliness. An abundance of nurses from every department filed in and out of the room with such excited zeal, I initially felt embarrassed by the superfluous attention….until I realized they were just stopping by to grab dinner. It was a beehive of activity with lots of laughter. It was decidedly unique. It was the natural meshing of our Italian and Jewish heritage, it was in every way a wild and crazy party, and it was the way we wanted it to be.
It is no surprise then, that Joshua, from the minute he was born, has proven his uniqueness, remarkable strength, and impenetrable sense of self in all areas of his life. As the first progeny of our rather eclectic union and the third Dorfner child, Joshua has a will that dominates, an exuberance that is contagious, and an old soul as deep as the ocean. Having been born into a family of fiercely independent people, Joshua exudes his own brand of strength in conviction. He beats to his own drum, and that is a great source of pride to his father and I. Being able to stand alone at such a young age is a gift to be treasured and fortified, not hampered or squelched. Joshua is not afraid of the truth. He seeks it. He has a tendency to ruffle feathers and enjoys spirited debate. He is gifted with allowing himself to have passions and intense interests. At eighteen months old, it started with trains. Then progressed to Disney World. By the third grade, Joshua became immersed in the incredible story of the Titanic. He read every book ever written and watched every movie ever made about that historical event. He gave spontaneous “seminars” to his third grade class, complete with historical photographs and passionate descriptions about that fateful day in 1912….just for the heck of it….to share his enthusiasm for the history. His passions went on to include World War 2 history, politics, and an engrossing love of science. He continues to consume books, preferring non-fiction, at so rapid a pace, I can hardly fill his kindle fast enough. He uses this acquired knowledge to debate principles, and analyze the moving parts of current events, and to form opinions based on observation and facts. He is unafraid of conflict and will not surrender his opinion to simply “keep the peace.” At times, Joshua’s strong personality is willful, determined, and doggedly unwavering. His edge is softened by our knowledge that he is always deeply motivated by the purest of hearts. It is a challenge, at times, to raise such an alpha child….to tame the fire without squelching the vivid flames that will serve him well in the future. It has required me to be self-reflective and to reach down deep to find my own inner strength. I often have to be stronger than him and that is a tall order. I have adapted the role of parental sculptor rather than monarch…smoothing his edges with nurturing love while revealing the artistry of his independent mind. Joshua’s ingrained, insatiable quest for knowledge highlights the most enduring and attractive aspects of Judaism….that there is never an end to the knowing, that vigorous debate is essential to the elevation of the intellect, that in order to repair the world, you must be willing to speak out courageously against the worlds’ wrongs and be unafraid to go against the grain, sometimes in discord with conventional thought. Challenging the standard, the inevitable, can be unpopular and takes a significant amount of chutzpah…and a steady supply he has.
The world needs transformational figures, we can agree on that, can’t we? Yet in order to alter the universe, be a hero to a people, save a life, be a warrior for some worthy cause, propel an organization, fight the good fight in the name of integrity, you have to be a person willing to stand alone with courage and independence and a powerful life force. You have to know how to shake people up. Transformational figures are required to move the earth like a quake, to move people with their unbridled enthusiasm, to make challenging decisions with a virtuous heart, to stand alone in a world full of detractors in the name of a cause they believe in with searing eyes that say, “you will not rattle me, for I am a change maker”. I think that if we had an opportunity to gather together Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Steve Jobs, and Benjamin Netanyahu, and asked them if they were concerned about fitting in, we would know the answer.
The world is filled with enough sheep. My son is a bull. He may not be the Quarterback, but he might just own the team. He can be counted on to stir the pot, to rage on in defense of a cause, to ruffle the feathers of intolerance, to serve, and protect, and defend. We have seen Joshua emerge, especially in this last year, as a brave young man with a deep sense of duty. Since the age of eleven, he has served as a United States Navy Sea Cadet with Unit BB62 on the Battleship New Jersey, along with his comrade Michael Digney, who we are delighted to have as one of our honored guests tonight. It is a demanding commitment both physically and mentally, and requires a significant amount of time, focus, and allegiance. It is not fun and games. These young men and women serve an entire weekend every month aboard the Battleship New Jersey, in full Navy uniform, studying Navy life, military history, tactics and formation, intense physical training, required coursework, as well as learn skills such as navigation, scuba, and marksmanship. They participate in important Naval commemorative events such as ship commissions, parades, and are trained by military veterans, Navy Seals and Marine Corps instructors. It is not for the faint of heart. Cadets require a mental toughness, physical endurance, and a belief in the sanctity of duty that is uncommon at this age. As a requirement of all Sea Cadets, Joshua and Michael completed intense basic training this summer at the United States Coast Guard Training Center in Cape May, New Jersey. We saw our son emerge from this experience stronger and with a newfound confidence…5am wake up calls every morning for physical training drills in the blistering heat can do that to you. We dropped him off a boy on that hot July day, almost 13 years to the day from his birth, and we came home the following week with a young man. I am proud to say that just two weeks ago, at September’s drill, both Joshua and Michael were promoted to Petty Officer Third class in their unit as a result of their dedication, completion of required coursework and basic training, and continued active involvement with the Sea Cadets. As you can imagine, Scott and I are incredibly proud of our son and his own realization that his potential is limitless, that he has the ability to both hold himself back and propel himself forward, that he, ultimately, is the master of his own destiny.
When our children reach the age of thirteen, we do not quite see adults, but the foundational attributes that the future adult will sprout from. We have laid the groundwork, determined some genetic clues, and feel their eagerness for independence. Our children, from this point further, will continue to be separate from us and forge a path of their own, colored with the acquisition of increasing awareness, unique impressions from their own travels, and collaboration with people we do not necessarily know. They are breaking out of the bubble. There is a scary amount of trust that we, as parents, must harness , a result of knowing that the greater world outside is indeed encroaching. The choice, my son, becomes more and more, yours…as you dabble with increasing freedoms, become infiltrated with ideas reaching beyond the confines of your comfortable home, and exercise the strengthening momentum of your own free will.
You are now responsible for answering the questions of your life’s purpose. Will you be the hero that you are capable of being? Will you use your innate talents and gifts to improve the world, carve your indelible mark, lead by example, shake up the mundane, inspire through the volcanic expression of your passions? Will you be a hero to some person, some cause, some gaping whole in the world that requires a unique voice like your own? Will you use your strong, independent spirit as an elixir for loneliness? Will you harness your courage and stand up in the face of wrong? In your quest for truth, will you be true to yourself and continue to look inward and recognize that we are all flawed individuals requiring regular exercises in self-improvement and humility? Will you use those truths to enrich your empathy for others and be a warrior with a heart, always? Will you allow yourself to release passion into your life’s work? Your choice will be the difference between living a good life or an extraordinary life.
My son, Joshua David, as mine and your father’s influence continues to wane with each passing year, you must now move into place as the commander of your own future. It is the great dynamic movement that is growing up, the carousel we cannot stop, nor should we wish to. It is a gorgeous, breathtaking privilege to watch your children rise….from tiny babies to the precipice of adulthood. It is the wonder and glory of life…that sometimes agonizing sensation of both fright and joy. You don’t know whether to cry or to sigh as you knowingly acknowledge how very fortunate you are.
I have only one request….as you enter the world ready to slay dragons, defy convention with your unique and raging spirit, transform the ordinary into the exceptional, and build a trailblazing life based on fierce, can-do individualism….look back and wink at your father and I from time to time…because we really do know how it all began.
