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@tinaramala
Typical morning for me:
Today, I realized that I was actually trying to do FIVE SIX things at one time. I was trying to...
1. Watch a YouTube video
2. Order groceries online
3. Make coffee
4. Cook eggs
And the funniest one of all...
5. Read an article about a scientific study called
Clinical Implications of the Perception of Time in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
OOPS 6. Write this post!!!
Does anyone else feel like they take the long way around when pushing a shopping cart?! Lol
I’m at the grocery store, and I’m stopped for a bit getting something, and I need to turn, say, left. Instead of turning left, I’ll go to the right and go all the way around! Then I start thinking, “oh geez, did I just take the long way around, again?!”
Wtf? Haha
I’m on a short-acting amphetamine (Evekeo) that works really well....IF I can remember to take it. For me, it’s the difference between being completely unable to cope with any stress at all whatsoever and being able to to calmly deal with anything, no matter how stressful, that comes my way.
Because it does work so well when I take it, I’m really reluctant to switch to a long-acting medication.
Anyone else feel like this? Or has anyone had good luck transitioning to a long-acting solution?
“Is there something wrong with your head?”
...said my mother to me, yesterday.
“I’ve got a really bad short-term memory, Mom” I said.
She witnessed one too many of my “I forgot” moments.
Today, out of the blue, she said, “There’s no one in my family that’s got short-term memory problems.”
Forget the fact that I have tried to explain to her that I have ADHD, and that short-term memory loss is one of the biggest symptoms.
She was looking for a “reason” and crossed off “heredity” from her mental list.
“It must be because you just have too much going on.”
I’m at the point where I have realized that my mother just doesn’t want to believe that her precious daughter has a “head problem”. I’m done with trying to explain it to her anymore.
The funny thing is that I actually think that I got it from her.
Are any of you just “done” with trying to explain your ADHD to your family and friends?
ADHD-related Post test
I can forget something someone just said to me one second ago.
Seriously, talk to me.
Hi, what’s up!
Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.
Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.
Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.
Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.
Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.
I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.
Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.
But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.
I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.
Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.
Ah, this something that’s always floated around in my head, and this person wrote it so perfectly.
I stopped taking Evekeo and I’m OK
For now...
I don’t have anything particularly stressful going on in my life right now, aside from being unemployed. But I did find a new job (and I will NOT f%&k it up) and that starts next week!
Why did I stop?
I’m 13 weeks pregnant. I stopped taking Evekeo the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test. Oh, I felt weird. Really, really “weird” for about 10 days, but that was it.
I’m kind of proud of myself, actually. I thought it was going to be extremely difficult, because I had to give up COFFEE as well.
Giving up coffee hurts more, actually. Seriously. And that was a shit ton harder to get over. I had the worst headache of my life for about two days. I mean, like, I was rolling around my bed crying in pain, that’s how bad the headache was!
But, surprisingly, I feel GOOD.
My head feels oddly CLEAR, like the “fuzz” is gone.
Will I go back on meds after the baby is born? Probably. But I will wait until I’m done breastfeeding.
Walking helps A LOT with calming down my head if I get to a point of feeling a bit overwhelmed.
So we shall see what happens once I start my new job!
The only time when my ADHD brain feels...
...good is when I’m listening to music. It’s the only time when I am able to think of one thing at a time. I realize I’m listening to many different instruments at once, but (for the most part) they are blended together as one song, and they are all at the same tempo, in harmony.
Once the music stops, my head goes back to being a scrambled mess.
A while back, before I knew I had ADHD, I played drums in a local band. I’d go into a trance-like state when we played. I would fix my eyes on something, anything, and I’d stare at it for the duration of the song. I used to say to my band mates, “It’s the only time when I’m thinking about nothing else.” I used to get funny looks from people when I said that.
Maybe this is why I feel music so deeply. Oftentimes I feel “high” when I’m listening to something I really love.
My brain feels so good going in a straight line through a song, and my mind is clear for just those few minutes.
It is awesome.
Terminated for refusing to lie.
I am/was a consultant doing IT-related work for companies/agencies.
In a nutshell...
- I was given a Task to do. - My Task was dependent upon another person doing their Task first. - The other person did not do their Task, causing a delay for me to do my Task. - I decided to no longer wait for the other person to do their Task, so I did my Task, and wrote a detailed email explaining that I could not do my Task 100% because the other Task was not done. (I wrote this as nicely as I possibly could.) - The next day, the other person told the client they completed their Task. I checked, and they did not complete their Task. - Five days later, when it was time to go over these Tasks with the client, I had to explain why my Task was not done 100%. The other person kept cutting me off on the call, stating I was “talking too much”. - About 10 minutes after the call ended, I was told that I was taken off the project.
All I did was tell the truth of what happened. I did not speak in a way that was vindictive or negative towards the other person.
The reason why the title of this post is “Terminated for refusing to lie.” is that this is the culmination of previous events in which the other person lied to the client by stating that certain work was done, but was not done at all. I was even told by the other person on a previous occasion that I was giving the client “TMI” or “too much information”. Apparently, the other person thinks that my telling the truth about what happened is TMI. On more than one occasion, this person stated to me, “Less is more.” And when the client asked me to give a detailed update of what happened, I responded truthfully. The other person even wanted me to send them my response to the client’s question first. I already sent my response directly to the client, because I didn’t trust the other person would respond truthfully on my part.
I refused to lie to the client, and the other person saw me as a “threat” because I essentially called them out on their bullshit. I refused to cover the other person’s ass. There was absolutely no way that I was going allow myself to look bad, and to “take a hit” because someone else didn’t do their part.
Now here’s the ADHD part. I am doubting myself. Was I too impulsive in this case? Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. The other person did say that I talked too much. But I just couldn’t let the other person get away with lying, especially when it made me look bad.
Regardless, I’m now jobless. Go me!
When it’s hard to keep your chin up
And you’re genetically predisposed to have depression,
And you’re doing that thing that we ADHD’ers do sometimes, which is feeling very insecure and insignificant,
You have to turn on that switch!
And think about how you are going feel better.
You have to.
In that brain of yours that has about 217 thoughts running around at the same time
Pull out those thoughts that inspire you
Because you have to.
Starting to F&$K up my new job...again
Well, it has begun. I've hit my familiar pattern of messing up at work. I have a great job, but it's not ADHD-friendly at all. At the beginning, I did really well impressing people with my tremendous experience and great ideas.
But now, it's time to actually DO the work.
And it's fucking killing me. It's extremely detailed work, and I absolutely dread this phase of a work project. It's very tedious.
Of course this sounds incredibly lazy, right? This is the most difficult aspect of having ADHD. When you are expected to do some "thing", and that "thing" is really difficult because of executive function deficits of having ADHD. So you appear lazy, and you start the excuses and empty promises.
I have been late to our daily standup meeting at 8:30 for about 75% of the time. My commute takes about 2 hours, so if I don't leave the house by 6:30am I'm screwed.
I haven't produced the spreadsheet (one of my brilliant ideas) because of all sorts of problems with accessing the network or laptop software problems.
They are tired of my excuses. ☹️
This sucks. My reputation is ruined (again), just like my last few jobs.
ADHD and my sense of direction
Whoa, I got seriously disoriented on the metro because I arrived at the transfer stop from the opposite direction. Every turn needed to be switched around, and I got really confused! Anyone else get this?
I'm still seeing this screen. It's been over 5 minutes now.
can we just take a moment to recognise mentally ill people who are high functioning?
the ones that constantly question the validity of their illness(es) because they managed to get out of bed this morning/are keeping up with their classes/can still socially interact? because they can do the things that most neurotypicals can do, even if they find it very difficult?
the ones that are questioned by their loved ones on the existence of their disorders? that face constant ableist remarks of “but you can’t be depressed/ill/manic/psychotic/etc!” “you don’t look mentally ill!” “it’s just hormones!” “oh, have you tried yoga?” “you’re just on a journey of finding yourself.” “you’re too happy/too smart to be mentally ill!”
the ones who aren’t taken seriously by their therapists/doctors/psychiatrists because of how self aware they are and how well they can articulate their feelings and thoughts?
the ones that, on their bad days, are told that “others have it worse” just because they don’t outwardly show their symptoms all of the time? the ones that have their pain and their struggles constantly diminished until they don’t know what is real and what isn’t because of this?
the ones that don’t receive the treatments or correct diagnosis in a short matter of time (or at all) because “they’re not bad enough?”
the ones that end up suicidal or manic or psychotic in hospital with no warning because their illnesses aren’t taken seriously until its too late?
as a high functioning neurodivergent young person suffering from a myriad of different mental health issues, i see you and i hear you and i support you.
Guys. If you're not as lucky as Jessica, please find someone who understands and get support and don't let shame bring you down!
Time management? Don’t know her.
It's mind-boggling isn't it?!
