feral fragility

[    . . .    ]       AND THE WOODS     /     WHISPERED     :

[prophaetia-a]

                     *         I   AM   VEXED      !        [     … .    ]        /                                             every word i speak  ,     is sheathed in blood .

[weltenwellen]

Anais Nin, Mirages: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin, 1939-1947

[frzns]

@tiptate​    ‣    ❝ i do not want to be a person. i want to be unbearable. ❞

        HOW    TO    TELL    THE    wild    thing    that    her    wild    is    not    her    curse  ?    malia    is    the    gnash    of    her    teeth  ,    blunt    despite    the    azulean    glow    of    her    eyes  ;    it’s    the    first    warning    that    she    is    gearing    up    to    either    run    or    lash    out    and    isaac    wants    neither    response  .    so    he    doesn’t    approach  ,    even    though    he    wants    to  .    even    though    he    thinks    maybe    he    could    if    he    tried  ,    maybe    she    would    let    him    if    he    did  .    but    he’s    not    going    to    risk    it  .

        ❝    okay  .    ❞    easy  ,    easy  .    isaac    does    not    want    to    fight  ;    he’s    not    looking    for    one    and    he    doesn’t    want    to    cause    one    (    it    always    feels    like    he’s    the    one    that    causes    them    )  .    he    doesn’t    want    to    fight  ,    but    this    feels    like    the    makings    of    one  .    how    to    tell    the    wild    thing    that    her    wild    is    not    her    only  ?    it    is    not    her    all  .

        there’s    sweat    beading    on    the    back    of    isaac’s    neck  ,    dampening    his    hair  ;    nerves    taste    like    salt  ,    like    blood    in    the    mouth  ,    like    a    threat  .    he    addresses    her    anyway  .    ❝    why    do    you    have    to    be    one    or    the    other  ?    stiles    is    the    most    unbearable    person    i    know  .    ❞    it’s    not    what    she    meant  .    but    there’s    a    point    in    his    poorly    timed    humor  ,    somewhere    (    how    to    tell    the    wild    thing    that    she    can    be    human    and    she    can    be    wild  ?    )  .    isaac    ducks    his    head  ,    but    maintains    eye    contact  ,    his    golden    gaze    locked    onto    hers    like    sights    set  .    ❝    do    you    want    me    to    call    you    unbearable  ?    stop    leaving    your    dirty    clothes    at    my    place    when    you    leave  .    use    soap    when    you    do    the    dishes  .    stop    slamming    the    toilet    seat    lid  .    ❞    small    disturbances    to    appease    her  ,    but    now    he’s    trying    not    to    smile  .    ❝    you’re    annoying    as    hell  ,    mal  .    happy  ?    ❞

[tiptate]

.   &   ›   ‘  am i brave enough to let go ? ‘

IF HE HAS TO ASK HER FOR THE ANSWER  ,     MALIA FEARS   that maybe he isn’t  .     maybe the ache is still like a fresh bruise  ,     even though he has none  ,     anymore  .     even though bruises fade and bones weave back  ,     maybe his still burn like new  .     if he has to ask  ,     she doesn’t know how to tell him that maybe he’s not ready  .     she doesn’t want to do that  .

‘     is it so bad if you’re not ready yet   ?    i think you’re allowed to be    —    hurt  .     no one’s gunna take that from you  ,     right    ?    ’        the words are stuck like cotton  ,     dry in the back of her throat  .     for him she tries anyway  .        ‘    i think it’s kinda brave to go on while holding on  .     to do what you do  ,     even though you’re still fighting  .     and i think it’ll feel better in time  .     i think you’re brave enough  ,     isaac  .     but do you    ?    ’

.   &   ›   ‘  @frzns​​ .

[tiptate]

*     FRAGILE FERALITY      !      I  AM  A  GIRL ON THE TIPS  OF  HER  TOES   /                                                          LEARNING THAT I AM A GIRL     /      LEARNING                                                          THAT  GIRLHOOD   MEANS    TEETERING    ON                                                          THE EDGE    /     OF GIRLHOOD    /   LEARNING                                                           THAT I WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

[sagamemes]

daisy sentence starters.   these sentences are taken from the quotes by the asmrtist gibi on youtube, picked from a few videos where she’s playing the her character ‘daisy’. feel free to change wording to fit your muse’s diction better!

❝  you don’t put gloves on unless something fun is about to happen.  ❞

❝  you have cash?  ❞

❝  if you have any wild parties, let me know.  ❞

❝  i can’t just… arrange a marriage.  ❞

❝  it’s very legitimate.  ❞

❝  if you wanna hold on to something to make you feel less scared…  ❞

❝  i’m gonna have to ask you to take a seat so we can go through these.  ❞

❝  that’s a nice jaw.  ❞

❝  i’m hot-blooded. *wink*  ❞

❝  what i’m gonna do first is to prep the skin.  ❞

❝  tell me a little bit about yourself. what’s your place like?  ❞

❝  now i’m here, and i love it more than ever.  ❞

❝  well, what’s your favourite flying creature?  ❞

❝  step right up, come here. i’m not gonna bite ya.  ❞

❝  no, it doesn’t matter, just… curious.  ❞

❝  i want you to hold out your hand. don’t be scared.  ❞

❝  now you’ll never forget me.  ❞

❝  i saw you from over there and couldn’t help but notice you looked a little nervous… are you okay?  ❞

❝  is it okay if i contact you in the future about potential… business opportunities?  ❞

❝  they never chase after you, it’s just to scare you a little bit.  ❞

❝  oh, right, i’m supposed to be writing this down. i’m sorry. i don’t know where my head is.  ❞

❝  i don’t wanna get into details, but i’m not supposed to practice [profession] too much anymore.  ❞

❝  you seem like somebody who treats yourself.  ❞

❝  can’t a girl ask questions nowadays?  ❞

❝  do you have an emergency contact? you know, like a significant other, or a spouse…?  ❞

❝  i think that’s really cool, actually. probably my best work yet.  ❞

❝  one of the best wrists i have ever seen.  ❞

❝  i steal food from there all the time.  ❞

❝  it’s… makeshift. but… it works.  ❞

❝  what’s the best place you’ve ever been?  ❞

❝  i mean, you can tell i don’t get much sun.  ❞

❝  actually, that’ll be really easy to do; in and out.  ❞

❝  are you married, single divorced? —that wasn’t for this, i was just wondering.  ❞

❝  if you just want me to free-hand it, that’ll be an extra five bucks.  ❞

❝  master’s, phd… professor, wizard, i don’t know.  ❞

❝  your son is gonna have to come to the office and fill out a form for himself.  ❞

❝  i bet you have a great apartment.  ❞

❝  i’mma need a little bit of information from you, and then i’ll give a lot of information /to/ you.  ❞

❝  come in, come in, come in—good, you are here.  ❞

❝  you are taking this like a champ.  ❞

❝  i’m very jealous. most of the time, i’m just staring out that window.  ❞

❝  no, [former boss] was great, but… i got fired. i mean, /let go/.  ❞

❝  you know, just an artist getting to know their client.  ❞

❝  i brought some crayons and a colouring book.  ❞

❝  oh no, the picture, it—it didn’t quite turn out, i’m gonna need to take another one.  ❞

❝  don’t worry, i’m actually a doctor-in-training.  ❞

❝  i may not live here for much longer, but you can always find me on craigslist.  ❞

❝  if you wanna go, just give me a ring.—give me a ring anyway, doesn’t matter. …i’m sorry. okay.  ❞

❝  i’ll do a little line first. you can tell me if it hurts.  ❞

❝  you gotta make friends with the spa people. they’ll give you perks, alright.  ❞

❝  *touches [body part]* that is a beautiful canvas i am working with.  ❞

❝  i never could get into that. but i respect the people who do.  ❞

❝  these shoulders don’t massage themselves.  ❞

❝  there’s some loud patrons here—when there’s clearly a quiet policy posted, everywhere!—sorry about that.  ❞

❝  i can tell you got some tension… right there.  ❞

❝  you’re gonna wanna leave out the same door.  ❞

❝  if you trigger the light security camera, just /bolt/, just run the other way.  ❞

❝  now, it’s time for the gloves.  ❞

❝  if you like, you can call me cupid. or actually don’t, i don’t think my boss likes it when i do that.  ❞

❝  you like a bit of surprise in your life. you like to be spontaneous. i can tell.  ❞

❝  i’ve been on at least twelve flights in my life. i’m pretty much an expert.  ❞

❝  oh, your hands are quite cold.  ❞

❝  do you feel sanitised?  ❞

❝  i work out of this bedroom.  ❞

❝  i have this paper towel roll. i can draw a face on it.  ❞

❝  can’t you tell, i’m very shy. and demure.  ❞

❝  we don’t have any forms or anything, but can i ask you a few questions anyway?  ❞

❝  of course i signed my name! i’m an artist. how else are people gonna know who did this?  ❞

❝  i can throw in a piercing for $20.  ❞

❝  it’s just some water and a little grass and leaves and just… you know, tea’s kind of weird, actually.  ❞

❝  you have anyone travelling with you? you don’t… no, it doesn’t matter, just… curious.  ❞

❝  now, i know we’re not supposed to shake these, but i can’t help it.  ❞

❝  you found the backdoor? okay, perfect. now you just… keep your voice down.  ❞

❝  i’m just gonna go to town!  ❞

❝  sometimes, they say, opposites attract.  ❞

❝  can i get you anything? would you like some water? whiskey to dull the pain?  ❞

❝  what i do is picture myself flying through the air on a big pegasus.  ❞

❝  do you get anxious on flights?  ❞

❝  some people are interested in that. genealogy and all that.  ❞

❝  oh, my hands are just a little bit shaky. i’ve had a /lot/ of red bull.  ❞

❝  good choice. bold! i like it.  ❞

❝  anybody could be a doctor, am i right? i mean, it’s only like, a few years of, what, medical school? i could do that.  ❞

[tiptate]

.   &   ›   ‘  i just want to help . ‘

‘    YOUR HELP IS NOT HELPING  .    ’        WAS HONESTY always the best policy  ,    or was it sometimes just a little bit cruel    ?   she has been there  ,     here    —    she has been the one with touch a little too rough  ,     a little too human  -  clumsy  .     apology  ,     like recognition  ,     flashes brief and almost guilty to her gaze  .     *   SOFTNESS LOOKS NICE ON YOU  ,     MALIA  .     DON’T BE AFRAID TO WEAR HER LIKE PELT  .        ‘   sorry  .     that was mean  .     i’m a little bit    —    frustrated right now   ,     you know    ?    i’ve been looking for days  ,     and if i don’t find that notebook soon  ,     i’m going to go crazy  .    ’        a release he did not ask for  .     malia’s not embarrassed in the slightest  .        ‘   i wasn’t listening to you  .     maybe it could help  .     did you have someplace we could look    ?    ’

.   &   ›   ‘ @tsarevitch​ .

[coyolia]

              S A C C H A R I N E     /     T A N G E R I N E     -     S O U R    !

[tiptate]

malia is incredibly resourceful. coyotes are sneaky and quick, and she’s excellent at thinking on her feet. this manifests in malia in two different ways:

first, she is a bigger picture sort of person, especially when she first becomes human again. she isn’t thinking heavily of consequence, nor is she thinking of softest outcome. if there is a door shut in her way, she will break it down. this changes, bit by bit, as she assimilates back into human culture. she will become more comfortable with the doorknob, eventually. but until then, she’s going to be a little bit brash, and a little bit aloof. the circle of life means things and people will die. she doesn’t mourn a lot, not until she processes the grief of killing her family.

second, this can also manifest in terms of stealth. while she is “bigger picture, act first ask later,” rather heavily, she picks up on scent, body language, and atmospheric shifts with wild accuracy. she trusts her gut and her instinct implicitly, and if something doesn’t feel right, she’ll be on high alert. coyotes are good at staying hidden, and malia is no exception. if she does not want you to see her, you won’t see her. 

she can be snuck up on, of course. and other creatures with heightened senses may be able to pick her out approximately. but she’s a master at keeping herself hidden, and keeping herself unseen, and that’s really important to me. she’s smart, incredibly so, and won’t offer trust or vulnerability unless she knows you’re safe enough not to go for the throat.

[tiptate]

‘    IS IT BROKEN    ?    ’        THERE IS SOMETHING SO WARM   to this home  .     it smells like scott and it smells like allison and that settles her  ,     a little bit  .     beacon hills as a whole was always a place of comfort  ,     always some place to loosen her bones in  .     despite the trauma  ,     despite the trauma    —    there was pack  .     it meant something  .        ‘    if it helps  ,     it wasn’t me  .     pretty sure it was liam  .    ’

.   &   ›   ‘  @queenwolf​ .

[melisica]

(by MillyCope)

[larmoyante]

“I am so busy. I am practicing my new hobby of watching me become someone else. There is so much violence in reconstruction. Every minute is grisly, but I have to participate. I am building what I cannot break.”

— Jennifer Willoughby, The Sun is Still a Part of Me

[tiptate]

.   &   ›   frzns .

        ISAAC    CAN    UNDERSTAND    ISOLATION  .    lock    and    key    pieces  ,    whole    body    caged  ,    barriers    to    an    unknown    world  .    malia    is    bent    metal    and    isaac    is    broken    glass  ,    but    there    is    something    to    be    said    about    ruined    things    finding    each    other  .    ruined    things    ruining    each    other  ,    maybe  ,    too  .    isaac    looks    at    her  ,    brow    furrowed  ,    but    mouth    quirking    again  ,    and    says  ,    ❝    thanks  .    ❞    means    it  ,    genuinely  .    he’d    forget  ,    too  ,    if    he’d    even    noticed    it    in    the    first    place  .    he    types    in    latch    thingy    with    fingers    steadier    than    his    rabbit  -  racing  -  heart  .    ❝    i    guess    when    you    put    it    like    that  ,    it    means    the    same    thing  ,    ❞    isaac    concedes  ,    one    shoulder    lifting    in    reluctant    agreement  .    ❝    but  ,    uh  ,    i    don’t    think    dating    in    high    school    means    for    the    rest    of    your    life  .    and  ,    god  ,    if    there’s    something    i    never    want    to    do  ,    it’s    smell    whatever    the    hell    you’re    implying    is    going    on    between    stiles    and    lydia  .    ❞    malia    steps    away    and  ,    instinctively  ,    isaac    steps    with    her  ,    inches    along    behind  ,    nerves    clenching    and    unclenching    his    fists    at    his    sides    as    he    follows  .    ❝    fine  .    closer  .    we    need    to    check    out    the    back  ,    don’t    you    think  ?    ❞

SHE LIKES THAT HE GIVES WHEN HE IS WRONG  .     well  ,     isaac wasn’t wrong  ,     actually  .     but she likes that he saw her point of view  ,     her way of thinking  .     it feels good to be acknowledged  ,     to not be looked at like something incorrect sleeps in the thrum of her veins  ,     in the beat of her chest  .     like she is supposed to feel like a human  ,    but everybody still looks at her like she is more animal  .        ‘    but it could  ,     right    ?    ’        her brow furrows  .        ‘   i don’t get why waste your time  ,     then  .     just sleep with whoever you want until you find what you’re looking for  .    ’        maybe she will change  ,     one day  .     she will ache a little bit more fully for something softer than that  ,     from more than one person  .     she will ache to be cared for  .

for now  ,     all malia aches for is some dinner  .     maybe a bath  .

‘    i’ll take you around the quicker way  .     stiles and i found out about it when we were stuck here  .    ’        her fingertips brush his wrist        but she does not reach or grab  .       an accidental touch  .        ‘   so  ,    ’         she begins  ,     voice whisper pitched  ,        ‘    there’s one path that’s pretty much ignored  .     i feel like that’ll be the best way to sneak in  .     the only problem is    —    lots of wolfsbane  .    ’

[tiptate]

.   &   ›   ‘  maybe this is where it ends . ‘

‘    DOUBT IT  .    ’        THE FLUTTER OF FEATHER’D LASHES    /    the haste of her words  .     malia offers him a blink of disbelief  ,     the twist of her mouth  .        ‘   the tracks end here  ,     yeah  ,     but    —    ’        night is a violent creep  ,     darkness looming on their shoulders like weight  .     she shakes it off  ,     unafraid  .        ‘    that doesn’t mean everything’s gone  .     i’d look for claws marks    —    it could have started scaling trees  .     ’

.   &   ›   ‘  @aspiredlights​ › dean w .

[tiptate]

i’m working on my timeline for malia so apologies about the lack of verses so far, but just note that my main verse is post - tw, follows a divergent canon, and is primarily malia navigating life + travels later on in life.

[tiptate]

malia never had the chance to be a teenager, really. she got nine years of her life as a human for early development, but i’d argue that that’s not enough to feel childhood.

she gets excited about little things, she still wants to go to sleep holding something soft, and sometimes she may be perceived as immature, but that isn’t the truth. she’s catching up on a lot of stuff she missed, so be kind to her.

[tiptate]

. & › ‘ i can’t put my mind to rest . ‘

‘    THEN WE WON’T REST  .    ’       AS IF IT IS THAT SIMPLE  .     as if she had the power to heal  ,     to do anything with her claws other than wound  .     as if she weren’t snarl  -  sharp  ,     on alert  .       *    I CAN BE SOFT  ,     TOO    !    I AM A FERAL’D HEART BUT MY MIND ACHES FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE STABLE  .     I CAN BE SOFT   /   I CAN BE WARM  .     there is something haunted to the look of him here  ,     malia thinks  .     like isaac is somewhere else  ,     stuck someplace cold  ,     without light  .     alone  ,     alone  .     she knows what solitude feels like  ,     knows the way it creeps  ,     sometimes  .

without consent  .     memories do not care if you want them or not  .

‘    you still have that pancake mix we got last time  ,     right    ?    ’       carefully does she slide his shirt over her body  ,     even though she doesn’t need to  .     her phone reads 2:17 am  ,    and malia sits  ,     here  ,     presses her fingers to a point of his spine and hopes he focuses it on it instead of where ever he is living  .     here here here  ,     i am here  ,     could you be here with me    ?   could we be here together    ?    don’t go somewhere else  ,     don’t go somewhere else  .     i don’t know how to get there  .        ‘    i could go for some right now  .     wanna make with me    ?    ’

.   &   ›   ‘  @frzns​ .