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@vohvk
am i here ? no but i do want to say that today marks @queenwolf and i’s 4th anniversary and rio has been putting up with me for four full years now and i am just so violently grateful to have her ? and know her ? and call her my friend ? rio i love u !!!! i am gross and annoying and sappy and u love me anyway there is nothing i wouldn’t do for u
+ lesziye .
THE PROBLEM WITH THE wolf is he knows not his own shadow . the problem with the sun is much the same . most days , stiles does not know if he is in scott’s shadow or of he IS SCOTT’S SHADOW . most days , he does not know which is worse . there is a death in the woods that they will not unearth tonight and it feels like one of theirs , but this is not unusual . the moon rises tonight , clouded over , and with her does her heart remain silent , as if dead all over again . stiles thinks scott feels that way every night he has to look at her , but not really see her . stiles thinks he understands that with a heartbroken kind of knowing , knowing what it means to look at someone and not be able to see her when she is so far away .
𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚗𝚘 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 , says scott . says a leader who does not know his gums are bleeding when he smiles and promises he’s fine . stiles wants to punch scott in the mouth sometimes , if only so he’ll pay attention to the fester of his own wounds for once . for all his rot - hunger , he doesn’t know a single person who holds more grief than SCOTT MCCALL . a pity , then , that he does not feed when he could be full for years and years and years ( years’ worth of grief , lifetimes worth of loss , that is the weight atlas holds ) .
OH , WOLF ! you think so highly of this fox . too highly , indeed . as if he does not sharpen his words to intentionally hurt with each strike . as if he does not know exactly what he’s doing when he does it , EVERY TIME .
❝ yeah , i’ve had about enough . ❞ these words , too , come barbed . stiles turns away from scott and walks deeper into the woods anyway . ❝ ACTUALLY – ❞ he swings back around , steps in with lifted chin , and digs a finger into scott’s chest . ❝ no , i’m not done . don’t you fucking sit here and hit me with that , 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚜 , 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜 , bullshit . as if you ever fucking tell me anything half the time . as if you ever would if i asked you . so if you’re not going to admit to it , yeah , I’M GOING TO FUCKING WALLOW . and you’re going to fucking let me . every . single . time . AM I WRONG ? ❞
SOME KIND OF SINFUL GRIEF / IT MUST BE , RIGHT ? there is nothing holy to hurting , there is nothing sweet about the way he bleeds . not to scott . perhaps there is a forest - mouth looking for spare droplets , and this wolf has plenty to offer . would offer his blood like milk to newborns , should stiles need . should anyone need , but — but always stiles . always his best friend , his brother . and wasn’t that the ache of it , then ? loving somebody over and over and over no matter how much it hurt ?
violence is some kind of remedy . scott will not provide it here , ignores the jab of his chest .
the night calls but the moon does not , and scott thinks it is a mercy stiles doesn’t bring it up . he thinks it is a mercy and he thinks it will not last , because it never lasts when stiles is angry . because he likes his words spit out and sharp , like jagged pieces of glass , like monster - teeth . sometimes , sometimes scott doesn’t know which one of them is the monster . sometimes he doesn’t know if it’s either of them , if it’s both . if it’s stiles or scott or stilesandscott . sometimes it feels like loss , like they stop being stilesandscott , and scott doesn’t know how to curl his claws into it and keep it . judging by the split - second fear in stiles’ eyes , it looks like maybe he doesn’t , either .
‘ what are you talking about ? ’ this comes almost incredulous , confusion - drowned . here is a wolf left to rot , and stiles could punch him in the mouth all he wants , but scott wouldn’t touch it . he’d let his jaw rot off before he forgave himself for causing a fight . ‘ you’re the only person — you’re the only person who knows anything about me , man . i’ve always tried to come to you when — ’ is it worth a fight ? this is where they differ : stiles looks ready , but scott ? he is an alpha with deflated shoulders .
embarrassing , maybe . if someone else were to see .
‘ whatever , stiles . you’re not wrong , okay ? wallow if you want . it’s not like i don’t want you to , that’s not — i don’t care if you wallow . sorry if i was weird about it . ’ the wolf tries to pull away tonight .
˚ ₊ ‘ sometimes i get angry. it doesn’t happen very often , but when it does it’s like – it’s like something inevitable. ‘
ANGER IS A CYCLICAL BURN . SOMETHING REPETITIVE , no matter how hard you try to keep it at bay . no matter how many times you tell yourself not to let it get to you . it gets to scott too , sometimes . after that comes the guilt , but first , the build of anger , hurt in his chest . he is not an angry man , a volatile thing ; scott is soft hands , soft heart , soft voice .
but it gets him sometimes , too . a personal boogeyman . scott thinks of his father and he burns . he thinks of being treated like he’s stupid and he burns . he thinks of someone hurting his mother and he burns , he burns , he burns .
‘ i get that . ’ he hopes it comes like i hear you , i understand you . scott shrugs . ‘ it’s not your fault , you know ? sometimes , uh — i think sometimes things hurt too much . i think that’s where it comes from . for me , at least . ’
˚ ₊ ‘ @deathrisen .
DUSK TASTES LIKE HONEYED WATER , LIKE FODDER FOR BEES . dusk falls and the mosquitoes buzz loud and violent in his ear , hungry . hungry , hungry . this hunger is cataclysmal — and not theirs alone . to the look of him , stiles is wild - eyed and dark , teeth saliva - coated , meal - prepared . he is angry and lonely and lydia is off alone at a bar and scott thinks he understands , thinks he gets it . he thinks he can feel the way it hurts to feel forgotten .
( HAVEN’T YOU ALWAYS BEEN NOBODY , SCOTT ? ISN’T THAT WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU ? ALL THIS , ALL THIS . ALL THIS AND YOU STILL AREN’T ANYTHING SPECIAL . )
he knows what it is like to be forgotten , left behind . he knows what it is like to bleed . you are not the only one who hurts , stiles . you’re not the only one who — stop acting like no one else is breaking , because i haven’t seen her in two years , and —
‘ you are not burdened with a sensitive heart. yours just beats. ‘
the wolf wonders if the fox notices when his words hurt . the wolf wonders if it matters to the fox at all . scott would like to think it does .
he is not looking for a fight : he is not looking for grief . scott shrugs , and lets this hurt him . ‘ guess i’m just lucky , then . ’ he doesn’t sound lucky . he sounds a little bit sword - gutted . ‘ think we’re done patrolling ? ’
˚ ₊ ‘ @lesziye .
can mosquitoes turn into werewolf mosquitoes if they bite a werewolf
what if i fucked around and changed scott’s origin story
Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet
* ‘ 𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐒 ’ 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 .
all quotes are taken from the book hidden bodies by caroline kepnes . the second book in the you series .
( WARNING : some quotes are graphic & include mentions of murder , death , & may contain strong language ! )
‘ it is possible to know people . they show you who they are . you just have to be looking . ’
‘ we all get our hearts broken . ’
‘ to be alive is to do it again . to love is to risk everything . ’
‘ the real horror of my life is not that i’ve killed some terrible people . ’
‘ the real horror is that the people i’ve loved didn’t love me back . ’
‘ the real horror of my life is not that i’ve killed some terrible people . the real horror is that the people i’ve loved did not love me back . ’
‘ love is kind , love is patient , but also , mainly , above all – yes – love is perverted . ’
‘ there is nothing more terrifying than realizing the one who knows you best loves you least , pities you even . ’
‘ a book lets you choose how much of the blood you want to see . a book gives you the permission to see the story as you want , as your mind directs . ’
‘ memories are all the same at their core . it’s just us trying to keep each other alive . the best parts anyway . ’
‘ your skin is a waste of space because there’s no heart inside of you . ’
‘ i can’t stand the way you make me feel so good , like , better than i ever felt , and then you tear it all away , like deep down , you don’t want me to be happy . ’
‘ the girl at the register winked and said she’s also a big fan of ‘ fifty shades ’ and this is what has become of our society . fucking and killing are the same damn thing . ’
‘ you can love someone all you want , but you can’t go into their past and become part of their formative years . ’
‘ i wish it were socially acceptable to brandish a knife . ’
‘ just eat it and shit it and be done and don’t feel special cause you eat that shit with someone because in the end we all shit alone . ’
‘ you are not burdened with a sensitive heart . yours just beats . ’
‘ we don’t care , you know ? do whatever . chill out . be gay . be straight . i mean , what is the big deal ? we’re all gonna die anyway , you know ? who wants to spend their precious life hating ? ’
‘ this town is full of places to hide a body , but when the person inside the body doesn’t love you , it’s not an easy thing , turning that breathing person into a bad one . ’
‘ there is nothing remarkable about this ‘ guac ’ , about any ‘ guac ’ , and california needs to calm the fuck down . ’
‘ you wasted my heart , my time . ’
‘ i don’t like this culture of reading a book and spitting out an immediate reaction . ’
‘ there is no such thing as a one - night stand . sometimes , what you do for one night destroys your future . ’
‘ do i speak english ? no , but i speak cunt ! ’
‘ it’s not the past if it’s not finished . ’
‘ it would be nice to have something alive to hold on to right now , something to love me , something with a beating heart that i can feel , something to be with me as i sit here , in hell , trying to figure it out . ’
‘ i gave her as much as i had . ’
‘ there is something wrong with me . ’
‘ i’m like an asshole in a sitcom who learns the same fucking lesson every week and this is my life . ’
‘ all of life is slightly dependent on magic . so is death . ’
‘ i go over the mistake in my head a dozen times a day . ’
‘ the key to life is to believe in something that matters , something big and beautiful , something more profound than fame , money . ’
‘ just be in it . you earned it . ’
‘ i am done with all that . and i will not let my past dictate my future . ’
‘ somewhere along the way you broke your own heart and without a heart you can’t get better . ’
‘ you’re not a good killer . obviously . ’
‘ i’m relaxed just knowing that he’s going to be dead soon . ’
‘ your life is supposed to expand . your bed is supposed to have enough room for someone else and when that someone comes along , it’s your job to let them in . ’
‘ he became a cop because of the simplicity of the uniform ; you don’t have to think about what to wear every day . ’
‘ being together is the best feeling in the world , better than sex , better than a red convertible or that first ‘ i love you ’ . ’
‘ i can’t stand the idea of being asleep and missing one second of our life together . ’
‘ the best role models can be the worst role models . ’
‘ life is cruel and the word ‘ love ’ shouldn’t be plastered all over the fucking place . ’
‘ we are perfect together and i am better for knowing you . ’
‘ when you are in love you listen . ’
‘ it’s true what they say about happiness . if you approach life from a place of gratitude , you’re more apt to enjoy things . ’
I was the one who wiped your nose and made you brush your teeth and do your homework or washed your dirty underwear. Me! Your stupid, non-scientific aunt, who doesn’t know how to make ends meet. Who has to take nursing classes with twenty-two year old kids so I can pay for you to go to college. And I don’t know how to do this without Ben. I don’t know how.
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 (2014) dir. Marc Webb
when i think of forests i get stuck not on the robin eggs BUT ON THE FOX TEETH .
#LESZIYE // SLAVIC LORE BASED MIECZYSŁAW STILINSKI // by RIO
Tyler Posey on Last Call. ©
I know what I see; sun that could be the August sun, returning everything that was taken away —
Louise Glück, from October: II; Averno, 2006 (via megairea)
I’M ON YOUR SIDE, SCOTT. / I’M ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE.
scott loves strawberry jam
III. * ( 𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐒𝐄𝐘 𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐒. )
You can edit them to fit your expectations
“You know I’m the one that put you up there.” “You’re nothing but skin.” “They say I may be making a mistake.” “I won’t stop until I get where you are.” “You can’t fill the hole inside of you with money.” “You’re not half the man that you think you are.” “I am terrified but I can’t resist.” “You’re killing people.” “No, I’m killing boys.” “Have you ever keyed a Ferrari before?” “Nothin could stop me from giving a try.” “I’m living with a security team.” “I’m trying to make it right.” “You think I’m lying but I’m being dead serious.” “I can’t remember half the time I’ve been alive.” “I know nobody else will tell you.” “You can’t love nothing unless there’s something in it for you.” “I had no warning about who you are.” “I ran so fucking far.” “Never ever touch me again.” “I’m not even mad anymore.” “I hope your back aches and your knees hurt.” “I still wish you nothing but the best.” “I hope it’s eating you alive these days.” “You’re still self-obsessed.” “Are you insane like me?” “You are not a human being.” “Your heart is so cold.” “I have tried to wash you away but you won’t leave.” “I don’t think he remembers.” “I’m such a fool to pay this price.”
