whoops.

{ ic vent blog for sharpshct. warnings for nsfw, death/suicide, alcohol/drugs, him calling himself some [homophobic] slurs sometimes but mostly as a joke. among other things i guess... ill update as it comes. }

[tiradcr]

ugh.

[tiradcr]

i would like to go home. she can trade places with me lol.

[tiradcr]

auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

[tiradcr]

well i can't tell dad.

[tiradcr]

like he is sexy yeah and he's cute and funny but i dunno about "our boyfriend" or "community boyfriend". if that was discussed i certainly wasn't part of it. seems like a schroedingers joke type situation where it is a joke unless he's game and i love her but i am not game, personally.

[tiradcr]

i hate my wise old dad. i want a dumb dad. can we switch.

[tiradcr]

i feel like i should say something about the person who used to like my boyfriend calling him sexy and saying she loves him but like... am i reading too far into it lol.

[tiradcr]

whatever. i’m not gonna trap him in a relationship he didn’t wanna be in lmao.

[tiradcr]

“it was fucked up that you were going to put your hands on me while actually angry, i don’t like that. and when i went into the other room you threatened to break down the door (probably jokingly) and wouldn’t let up. in addition i don’t like the trend of you hurting me just because sherry tells you to, even if it’s a joke.”

“this hurts me. you made me out to seem like i was going to KILL YOU after i had already apologized. i acknowledge it was wrong but i didn’t deserve this treatment.... like it was the worst thing i could ever do.”

[tiradcr]

i’m NOT saying it’s your fault. i’m just saying you shouldn’t have repeated what i did wrong a few times and then made ME feel like i HAD to apologize so many times. i’m just saying it was hurtful to me that YOU repeated the mistakes i made in your conclusion. it was wrong of you to take the things I DID while i was IMPULSIVELY HURTING YOU because i was feeling hurt and point out how you didn’t want to help me because of them. i’m just saying, like, it’s not your fault but you were clearly not expressing what hurt you and instead just trying to MAKE me feel bad about it. and it did. it’s not about how you felt about the things i did while i was hurting you, it’s about how you hurt me for pointing out the things i did wrong. i mean, you made me out to be the bad guy when i was feeling shitty and i was mad (which i admitted) and gonna hit you--it was a JOKE hit, you know? i mean, it’s not like i was gonna DO IT. i actually wasn’t even mad. why would i ever do that when i have a bad history with it? that’s so fucked up that you wouldn’t acknowledge MY history when you’re upset. and who cares about sherry’s actual feelings on the matter, i was hurt by it and didn’t think to EXPLAIN, you should KNOW why i feel like that, piers. come on. and i mean don’t make me feel bad for threatening suicide! maybe you should think about me before you explain yourself, have you ever thought of that?

i don’t think i can ever trust or love you again, okay? it’s not your fault tho. lol.

[tiradcr]

so once again the conclusion was it’s... my fault?

[tiradcr]

jeez, wasn’t that fast. 😐

[tiradcr]

nobody is disposable*

[tiradcr]

he doesnt even give a shit about leaving. he was going to leave anyway.

[tiradcr]

feel guilty for being upset, feel guilty for making this about me, feel guilty for not being enough, etc etc

[tiradcr]

god sometimes it really feels like i'm being gaslit. do i ever really have a reason to be mad or am i just emotionally unstable.

[tiradcr]

i want to talk to someone about this and i know they all know how i feel because i act like a 3rd grader with a crush but i know if i tell them i'll cry. i'll feel especially pathetic. i don't cry. i can't say i didn't see this coming either, i was just ignoring it.