In the grimdark future, there is only paperwork

did you appropriately inventory that corpse starch?

[tired-administratum-clerk]

I'm just trying to get through the week man.

See below if you require guidance on filling out your documents.

TAGS #Paperwork Pile - Asks/ form submissions #Conference Vox - things I'm tagged in

WILL NOT

- associate with abominable intelligence

- RP anything sexual or romantic with someone else. I'm too busy for such dalliances.

- RP one on one in private. Might not respond to DMs. I'm shy.

WILL

- respond to most asks if I can. I can't check every day, and sometimes I want to doodle a response so it will be put aside.

- respond to tags. Feel free to call my attention to paperwork I've missed.

- reblog amusing stuff from other members of the Imperium.

- use this as a public form for offical administradum business only. (I'll only RP as having this blog, not scenes or actions or the like, unless I doodle it.)

Please do not

- send me asks asking things OOC. I have a main WH40K blog I follow a lot of you on already/ you follow me, this is for specifically RP (or ill get too shy at being Known (tm)).

- send me anything related to AI, I'm so serious about the AI thing I will just block you

[tlirsgender]

We need more women characters who are Male Protagonists. You know. Slightly haggard. She's splashing cold water on her face and gripping the edge of the sink staring in the mirror for a minute. She's coping badly with her deadwife

[tired-administratum-clerk]

Hello Clerk, I would like to request a death certificate. I have been assigned to move regiment to fill in loses, and frankly, while the luck of the emperor has been with me for the last two deployments, I do not like my chances and may as well fill the certificate as best I may in preparation for whoever has to to do the rest.

Worry not dear servant of the imperium, we pre-fill death certificates for you when you are deployed. Saves us a lot of hassle, really. We just get a list every day of our assigned areas and send them off to go.

Once you're deployed, it's almost like you're already dead as far as we are concerned, isn't that funny :)

[tired-administratum-clerk]

Oi! We would like to submit a formal complaint. One of your planetary governors agreed to give us mining rights in exchange for a cut of the profits. But now he keeps jabbering on about "you're mining too much", "we're running out of resources for ourselves", "you can't crack the planet in half to mine the core! People will die!".

That's not my problem, he signed the contract.

I'm sorry are you saying a planetary governor signed away mineral and mining rights to an imperial planet. To Xenos. I would be happy to help you with this dispute, I just need the name of the planet, Governor, A copy of that contract and your exact coordinates. Someone will be there post haste to... help.

[tired-administratum-clerk]

I have a great recommendation: how about everyone learns the ancient skill of crochet?

NOW HEAR ME OUT!

You learn how to crochet, make super fluffy and HUGE pillows so you don't have to sit on a chair that is basically a wooden or metal slab. I bet these don't have anything soft most of the time.

The result? Better blood circulation and perhaps even better posture which would mean more work being done. The ancient records say that the activity was considered very calming. Perhaps it could lead to a more rested and focused mind?

Also, considering it was created in the cradle of humanity, holy Terra, mayhaps it could also lead to less heresy? I am sure the emperor would also not mind, considering he never did anything to forbid the craft whilst it was used in the past.

But I am not expert. May this message find you in good graces and (hopefully) understandable. My fist language is not low gothic.

I mean I am not against a good fiber craft, but I am curious what you think I can do about it but endorse it. are you suggesting I order hooks and yarn for the Astartes? I suppose it would be interesting to see a bunch of Ultramarines making scarves.

[tired-administratum-clerk]

What are your thoughts on writing up a marriage certificate for a Custodian? asking for a friend @depressedperpetual

I mean.... I guess there's no rules explicitly forbidding Adeptus Custodes from marriage? They just... never have asked for it as far as I know? It feels against the spirit of the rules but I suppose if both parties were to submit the applications....?

[tired-administratum-clerk]

OOC- I have added the tired Clerk to my artfight this year, so I figured it would be good to share it here for you all too :)

Art Fight

An art gifting game

Clerk Vesker should be getting back to her duties soon as well, hopefully! She's had too much vacation lately, she's falling behind.

[iconoklast]

Adeptus Administratum my beloathed 🖤

[roboute-guilliman]

I just need to white-knuckle my way through this crusade. And the next. And the next. And the

[roboute-guilliman]

Everyone, I am almost done with one of the crusades. I hope there is not another crusade after

[roboute-guilliman]

There was another crusade after.

[theshortiesupreme]

can we petition to give you like 2000 years of paid leave

[roboute-guilliman]

And then what happens to the Imperium, exactly?

[tired-administratum-clerk]

Someone needs to send that cat-girl pervert to the Legions Penetante. Giving the Astarte's some pet dogs would be a much better option. Not only are they man's best friend, but they'd be much more useful in combat. Obviously wolf-girls are the superior assistants for the Ultramarines.

There is not enough Amasec on this emperor damned ship for me to deal with you people.

[tired-administratum-clerk]

Hey, uhhhh, here to get a low grade crisis response personnel petition form (lgcrppf). I'm from pulp mill #20996, we got an unknown xenos pest that's been chewing on servitors and eating paper. Acid won't kill it and neither can the ganger-mercs we hired. Oh, and on section 4 of the lgcrppf should we fill out all of check boxes for preferred armed responders or just one like mechanicus or arbites? Which one would you recommend? Wait, blast, please tell me you haven't run out of lgcrppf's?

Well that's disconcerting. Something chewing on servitors and papers is a logistical nightmare.

I'm going to escalate your request to the Astartes Captain on this ship. I feel like they might want to send a couple angels with flamers over there, lest these pests spread. The Ultramarines take the protection of paperwork very seriously.

[roboute-guilliman]

Milord have you considered perhaps simply making a good enough crusade to eliminate the xenos? Surely a big enough crusade has to work

Stop crusade shaming me, I am trying the best I can with the resources at my disposal

[tired-administratum-clerk]

If the problem with giving every ultramarine a cat-girl assistant is an insufficient population of cat-girls then I believe I have a solution to your problem.

That's it I'm calling the inquisition on you people.

[tired-administratum-clerk]

Are you going to the clerk-lympics this year? I’ve personally be training really hard and hope to medal in ‘coherence in sleep deprivation’. I’ve even been told by my supervisor that my ability to produce accurate and legible spreadsheets after weeks of no sleep and minimal stims is useful! I am concerned however, I heard of a clerk from several sectors over participating who’s trained his sleep deprived hallucinations to do calculations for him so the competition is steep.

Any prayers to the emperor for my success would be much appreciated sister! As always I look forward to seeing the ultramarines serfs dominate in The Production of Paperwork by Volume catagories and I’ve heard we may see bold new innovations in Emergency Notation Supplies Production, something about corpse starch paper~

I will pray for your victory, CISD is certainly a challenging and rewarding clerclympic sport. I would go, I personally have been training in the paperwork cave diving category (speed at which I can escape a mountain of papers toppled over me) but I fear my absences of late have deemed me too busy. I will cheer from my desk for you.

[tired-administratum-clerk]

Could you give me the paperwork necessary to create a petition to give every individual ultramarine a personal cat-girl assistant? I think they deserve them.

I don't know how many Felanid serfs you think we have kicking around on the Emperor's Will but it's none, and if we had them, it would be wildly inappropriate for me to assign not only ever Astartes a personal serf, but to do so based on their abhuman status?

We don't have a ton of things that get us sent to the Humanus rescourcium office but that might be one of them.

[roboute-guilliman]

I found these two contradictory data slates shelved right next to each other in the archive. What should I do?

You need a budget. I cannot stress enough how much we all have to stick to the budget. Destroy the first data slate.

[roboute-guilliman]

Do you currently serve the Imperium of Man in any functional role?

Yes

No

Voting ended onMar 3

[tired-administratum-clerk]

I certainly try. Absent as I have been on this vox machine, the gears of paperwork are unending yet...