Eternally Tired

Me She Tired

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

Tired

Another sleepless night & it's 5:16 am as I type this.

My recent exgf is so mad at me because I refused to even consider saying I was a Lesbian, & it was like HS all over again. They would ask, & I wouldn't admit it.

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

Gender Neutral Bathrooms

Why is it so bad to not want to share a public bathroom with Men ?

I understand there is a need for some, but to make them all GN is insane.

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

Transgender Support

I support both Trans Men & Trans Women.

I've opened a can of worms because I answered a question honestly from a Trans Woman on Twitter.

She asked which I would consider as a potential Partner:

A Pre Op Pre E Trans Woman Lesbian

or

A Pre Op Pre T Trans Man

I knew where this was going, but I said that I would pick the Trans Man because he would be sexually compatible with me.. if he was ok with having sex.

That's when things turned ugly !! This Woman is sending DMs pics of her penis, & photos in clothes showing how much of a Woman she is.

I was tempted to expose & report her, but I just blocked her, because I know people would be fast to use this against her.

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

What have I done ?

Women are fuckin crazy, & I swear I will never date another Police Officer !!

I'm single & dating.. & I moved.

Lady Psycho broke my Cat mug & was jealous over someone I don't even know irl.

I'm no longer seeing the Therapist she suggested. I'm looking for a new one & I still have my meds, but I'm a mess.

I've come to conclusion that I will never be make the mistake of dating another man again. The sex was horrible.. like I allowed myself to be raped.. which he did, & turned stalker.

So now after a complete emotional breakdown.. I'm feel like I'm back where I started in 2010 before my mistake.

Single & a Lesbian.

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

Lesbian Safety

I miss the safety & calm of being a Lesbian. It's a cold cruel word when you're Bisexual. I have to be honest that sometimes I feel like that I want to give into my gf & say that I'm a Lesbian. It's just that pesky sexual attraction that I have for men.

I saw my exgf the other night, the one that dumped me when I told her that I was Bi. I wasn't trying to break up with her, but I wanted to be honest.

Outside of my Therapist, I've never told anyone that she broke up with after she fucked me one last time. Then told me that I was going to miss what we had, bc we were "Pure Lesbians". Like an idiot.. I consoled her.

She keeps acting like I killed her whenever I have the misfortune of our paths crossing. She had the nerve to ask me how long did I wait before I cashed in my "Gold Star Lesbian Card". She was so sure that I had a guy lined up that I wanted to fuck.

She follows me on another sm thanks to FB. So I left an answer for her to see. It was YEARS after we broke up before I finally had sex with a guy.

I didn't even come out to anyone, & was still living as a Lesbian, bc I was unsure.

I don't know what I'm doing, but I want her to hurt.. just like she hurt me. It's not healthy, but it's how I feel.

I miss her, & I still love her, but I can't trust her to be in my life the way she wants. A friend's touch shouldn't leave you longing for more.

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

What am i doing?

Having once again been turned down by my gf to have kinky sex... I've been talking about it more, & on sm.

I don't want to breakup, but I have to wonder if my Therapist was right & I'm unknowingly setting events up to destroy my relationship.

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

Lost 3 Hours

I don't know why I let myself be talked into going out, & I'm sure I'll have a good time once I'm there.

Right now 3 hours to go & I just don't feel like I can pull it togerher.

I haven't had any alcohol in well over a 6 months & right now I don't think I'm in a good place to consume any alcohol even though people are pressuring me.

Razor blades are still whispering my name, exbf, exgf, people on sm won't leave me alone.

It's strange to feel so alone with people pressing in on me from all sides.

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

sharing Too much

I needed to get this out before it chokes me.

I don't know why I'm sharing so much on social media these days & maybe it's because it's people that I don't know ?

Seeing someone that is experiencing something that I handled so badly is painful to watch.. especially when they're the reason I've come to terms with how wrong I was.

It's really hard to give an opinion while holding back important information from my own personal experience.

Without this information it would seem that I was overstepping, but it really hit me close to home because they were words that I've heard so many times before. Words & feelings that I had no way to fix, or to sooth. The sort of pain that hurts one's Soul.

I now know that I was not fair and it was never a choice, and that is what ultimately caused things to fall apart.

I loved you before, & I loved you after.. yet now I love you completely even though you are no longer mine to hold, to console emotionally, to brush your hair out of your eyes, wipe your tears away, kiss your scars as you kissed mine, share in the changes that your body has gone through, & to once more claim you publicly as my own.

M I'm sorry, & I love you.

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

Anxiety

Why can't you just go on Vaca, & leave me in peace ?

It would be nice to get ready to go out for Lunch without having to drown myself in Visine and cough drops.

Red 👀 are always an invitation to unwanted and intrusive questions. 😭

Why is "stress", a blocked # ?

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

I Want Bondage Sex

It's so frustrating wanting rough sex, but you know you're Partner is not into it.

A leather collar with a ring would do it for me, but if I even bring it up, I'm asking for lecture on misogyny. Not to mention being questioned about who else I used it with.

If she knew abot the stuff I have in the pretty storage boxes in my closet. I doubt she would evsr step a foot in my bedroom again !

It's crazy that I have to hide my glass dildo, because the sight of it brings up accusation that I want a man. To be completely honest I do, but I'm not a cheater. I love that crazy Lesbian Bitch !

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

Leave Me Alone

Why can't you stop hurting me ?

I will never be the Lesbian that you want. I'm Bisexual & that will never change. I loved you with all of my battered heart, & tired Soul.

Yet you wounded me, & walked away. Showing me a new level of pain & despair that even now I can't seem to escape. Even now as tears flow, my mind & hands tremble at the thought of the razor blades that I have hidden in the other bedroom. I put up walls & you take such joy at pulling them down again.

Stop calling me !

Stop texting me !

Stop sliding into my DMs

Stop coming up to me when our paths cross!

No we can't get back together!

No we can't be friends!

Was it not enough that you gave me such happiness, before you brutally took it back?

I spent years fumbling through life hating myself, & I thought I was healed & let go of past childhood horrors, of finding peace in sliding a razor blade accros my wrist or arms only to find comfort & calm in blood. Making lovely bruises bloom like black & purple roses.

Then you came into my life, & I let it all go, & loved you without any reguard to my own personal safety, my sanity, the way your friends viewed me as being less, for not being a Lesbian. I even forgave you for telling them that I have Autism, OCD, PTSD, ADHD, & my being molested, & raped.

I trusted you, & I tried everything to calm your hateful jealousy over nothing, because I never did anything but love you. The fact that you were jealous over a Sexy TV Male Character seemed so silly, but I took it serious & tried to calm your fears.

You went forward with our plans to pick a Sperm Donor, & would've left me on my own to raise the baby we both wanted. I should be thankful that you left, but I still cry after I see you, or think about you. I have to use Visine to cover that fact that I've been crying before I see my girlfriend.

It's not my fault your Lesbian Partner is not who you thought she would be. I didn't force you to throw away my love like spoiled fruit.

So please just leave me alone. I find myself on a strange new sm platform, because I can't find room to breathe and try to put my broken pieces back together once more.. let me go.

[tiredhousekitty-blog]

So Tired

I need a nap to recover from my nap, before I go to bed, preferable with my love.