That Talking Trail of Bodies @titamayacus - Tumblr Blog

reminder that everything said here is personal things. we don't expect people to change based on what we say here. if we wanted people to make changes, we would say them elsewhere. this is solely a yelling space.

#edel.txt #i know what it looks like but you'll have to trust us to handle things.#we know people can't possible do things and that they are human after all.#imperfections and all. its why we also will have irrational feelings we have to release that isn't punching a wall.#alt edit: i'm gonna make this our pinend here fuck it #you're jhust gonna have to imagine the fuckign cat image now becasuje its still hwo it feels

it was a plural thing lmao

#nargacuga.txt #<- inhumanity holder and the aforementioned animal feeling

sometimes i feel more like an animal then a person. this can either be a plural thing or just a sign of me degrading

#ark.txt

realizing i really don't like looking at wyd.bf. because of everything. swinging between annoyed and the crushing guilt of being how i am. its kind of just making me sick right now which honestly isnt fun when i was meaning to do other things and that i know gray was invested in the character and i want to be as well, but i cant look at him without being involuntarily annoyed and stressed and i just hate everything

im just going to stick to not drawing him or other peoples bfs i feel like more harm then good will come of it

#ark.txt #still invested in rgbfverse too but honestly. im scared of touching it right now especially our own ideas #kind of just sad that we never got the courage to put bj into situations

feeling emotion me: man why do i feel ill cam: thats [emotion] me: oh. why does it make me feel ill

#ark.txt #things are going in stormland or wahtever the fuck were calling ourselves these days

funny interaction about a serious topic

#ark.txt #i am not elaborating on this because i dont want to make it other people's problems #trying to solve it on my own since its just a fucked up thing

on that note it would be really interesting to see how our kin list looks now, now that we're more aware of this. our old one was a mess because we couldn't tell why or how but i think that was just identity confusion, but now that we're more cognizant i think it would be fun if we ever get the time

#smudge.txt

i think its fun i kin rem from deadlock while the others just like him for being a creature. this is a lot more apparent right now because im fronting. the differences are a lot more noticeable like this

#smudge.txt

smudge wanna go home.....................

#smudge.txt #i dont know why im in front rn um #i wnat to think about deadlock rem tbh....

geniunly thing i should get put down one of t hese days just so we can have a new host one person has said otherwise but like it hasnt been enough to convince me im not unwanted yet

#ark.txt #im a very tired guy even if im more high energy compared to the others #the others are just different levels of defeated and depressed and while my introduction into the world was #shit to say the least. im still the only one whos really trying to do something with it #which sucks but what can you do about it

sometimes you see your friends do some dumbass shit while you are the only person doing something so you feel 90% sure you fucking pissed them off/triggered them somehow and feel obligated to apologize but also dont want to because this isnt something i should be fucking dealing with

whatever i'll at least ask even if im like the last person who should be doing this for them

#ark.txt

it hink the teeth are a permenant thing now fuck

#ark.txt

cofronting going well.

#edel.txt

i think we have to stop holding other people to our standard. yeah the "Treat you how i wanted to be treated" thing worked back in elementary school but like. people ahve different needs n shit and getting resentful of that isnt doing anyone any good it still just sucks that were willing to expend this energy on other people but other people cant really reciprocate that when hats all we really want

#ark.txt #im thinking about stuff #nicos around because weve been bottling this up for like a year now and its #something that got worse again after being in a place with more people again and not just #our gf n whatnot. ex gf whatever the distinction doesnt really matter in this case #iiii just wish the friends we had just could do this for us. i know the majority can but like the ones that cant trigger our fucking #rejection sensitivity really fucking badly and its not like i ccan do much about that

i think the worry that edel would be fused off or something are kind of moot now. not that much has changed, we co-front a lot but its usually clear who's in more control. i guess its more of a "package deal" kind of alter relationship where you dont get one without the other

anyways knowing this i think i can get a little less worried whenever hes less talkative n shit since i know his social battery limit is basically close friends and then no one else, and even then its still really small. i guess hes just a quieter alter unlike. the rest of us.

#ark.txt

uhhhghghhghhg sister taking fucking forever nevermind she just came down

#ark.txt #i was going to complaina bout something but i think it can wait.#***ABOYUT MYSELF TO BE CLEAR ITS JUST A PERSONAL THING IM ANNOYEED ABOUT #god this fucking family drives me insane

getting annoyed again but its not like its anyones fault but my own that i d ont feel safe sharing personal thoughts much of anywhere anymore. like yeah i could do it but i feel really shitty every time so i just keep it to myself. result of that is zero but honestly its not like its anything new for us we've always held insane grudges towards people who dont deserve it

i jsut wish i had a fucking place to actually be myself instead of hiding behind a mask outside of dms

#ark.txt #im back and im just kind of exhausted i definitely wasnt fronting this morning but the others #got confused enough to keep up with the way i type its just what happens ig #when youre the host and the others are so blurry that they cant decide whos actually around

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